gotta love the US Military (Full Version)

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thickerdenwater -> gotta love the US Military (2/27/2008 6:56:53 PM)

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a
tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by
plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his
carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer
asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'

'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in
France !'

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained. 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to
help liberate this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it
to.'

AND

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included
Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of
Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone
was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French
admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that
we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking
French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the
Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have
to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international
engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break
one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you
heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft
carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended
to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are
nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore
facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000
people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of
fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen
helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their
flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

Once again, dead silence.








GreedyTop -> RE: gotta love the US Military (2/27/2008 7:26:15 PM)

[;)]




carlie310 -> RE: gotta love the US Military (2/27/2008 8:28:01 PM)

The most amazing thing about these articles is that I didn't find any of them on Snopes.com.  




LilMinxy1 -> RE: gotta love the US Military (2/27/2008 8:38:59 PM)

MARINES ARE HOT
SOLDIERS ARE PRETTY HOT TOO, (I just prefer the hat Marines wear)
AIRFORCE IS HOT TOO
All I can say is,
YUMMY!
And thank them for their service!
~kisses
 




rubberpet -> RE: gotta love the US Military (2/28/2008 12:41:30 AM)

I loved all those stories!!!  [:D]

So, when does Bush plan to invade France?  LOL




Saratov -> RE: gotta love the US Military (2/28/2008 9:15:10 AM)

[8|]  Why bother?  We are making drinkable to good wine here in the US, we can also get it from Germany, we have schools here teaching the cooking/baking...




Greybear54 -> RE: gotta love the US Military (3/2/2008 4:44:36 PM)

A BOAC airliner landed at Frankfurt airport and radioed the tower to verify his taxi-way. The tower controller, obviously having a bad day, began to rant at him: "Don't you read the airfield operations manual? Haven't you ever been here before?" 
The British pilot listened quietly until the controller ran down, then replied: "Well, yes, actually I have been here before, several tiimes. But it was in 1944, it was dark, and I didn't land."





HerLord -> RE: gotta love the US Military (3/3/2008 1:55:34 AM)

French Military History in a Nutshell
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
 
 
As posted here...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokefrenchmilitaryhistory.htm




Lucylastic -> RE: gotta love the US Military (3/4/2008 9:33:36 AM)

ok I just did something childish, hahhahha ahem,
Lucy




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