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Punishments with IMPACT - 2/27/2008 8:18:24 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		Ok, I'm not talking about your average, "you've been a bad boy/girl." 
I'm talking about punishment for someone that has dishonored a Mistress in a serious way.  Serious enough that you know something is askew and you end up having to go tap the community to find out what it is.  Which means, that whatever problem there is, is now privy to the community at large.  An ultimate breach of trust in a slave.  Not just messing up in private.  But doing it in a fashion that it is "out there." 

I'm not looking for the "get rid of them" answer.  I'm looking for a punishment with intense impact.  Mentally.  Psychologically.  One that will really hit home as to the "extent" of what they have really done.  How deep the infracton really is in terms of protocols, trust, and dishonoring the Mistress you are begging to be owned by.

I have a few ideas.  But, would like to hear from some other Mistresses who have had to teach a "newer" slave the error of their ways with a very impactful reproach.  (And, no, I'm not talking about whipping his skin to shreds although it sounds awfully inviting).

Oh, and any slaves/subs who would like to impart some of their more impactful punishments, please share.

Any serious suggestions will be greatly considered.



< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 2/27/2008 8:20:43 PM >

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RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/27/2008 9:10:24 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		How about some type of twist on puppy play?  Filthy them up, and dress them in smelly rags along the lines of itchy burlap or wool clothing; make up their face with whiskers, give them some rat ears and a rat-tail but plug.  Then have them quietly tail you from an inoffencive distance at some community events,  Top it off with a sign hanging around their neck saying "ASK ME WHY" with the instruction that they have to fully explain their crime to anyone who asks.

You could even spice it up by having volunteers throw rotten veggies at them on a drop-cloth or tarp.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 2/27/2008 9:15:50 PM >

_____________________________

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
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(in reply to MistressVnus)
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RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/27/2008 9:42:34 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		I am sorry, I know you dont want the get rid of him answer, but that is the first and loudest thing that entered My mind.  Is he really worth your time and effort?

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/27/2008 11:41:19 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		MistressVnus,

--- I'm talking about punishment for someone that
--- has dishonored a Mistress in a serious way.  Serious
--- enough that you know something is askew and you
--- end up having to go tap the community to find out
--- what it is.  Which means, that whatever problem there
--- is, is now privy to the community at large.  An ultimate
--- breach of trust in a slave.  Not just messing up in
--- private.  But doing it in a fashion that it is "out there."

I'm of the opinion that this type of issue is best handled in private and through communication.  The most intense form of punishment you can give is your disapproval.  Giving just that (though) isn't enough to solve the problem.  I suggest communicating to your submissive, finding out if your submissive understands why you're displeased, and explaining how you'd like your submissive to handle this situation in future.  Hopefully you can both find agreement.  If this is something that has deeply hurt and/or embarrassed you, I'd hope your submissive would apologize and make amends in whatever way is feasible.

Perhaps your submissive's infraction has angered you or thrown off your equilibrium.  If this is the case, before talking to your submissive, I suggest waiting until you're feeling more calm.  It's not likely you can defuse a problem when you yourself need defusing.  Therefore, take a bit of time for yourself to do something that will make you feel better - go to a movie, finish reading your favourite book, visit friends, go running, or do whatever else will put you in a better mood.  Once you're feeling better, you can address your submissive in a fair, level-headed way.  You're much more likely to get positive results using this approach rather than going in feeling angered and hurt.  Remember that even if your submissive is totally in the wrong, nobody likes feeling attacked.  Therefore, don't go in with an attacking/punishing mindset.  Go in with a mindset of explaining the problem and getting your submissive to understand and solve the problem.  If you feel an apology is in order, don't demand this.  Instead, explain to your submissive that he hurt your feelings and that you'd appreciate an apology.

--- I'm looking for a punishment with intense impact.
--- Mentally.  Psychologically.  One that will really hit
--- home as to the "extent" of what they have really done.

Again, in my opinion, no amount of "intense punishment" will get the results you're looking for.  If you can't achieve what you're looking for through communication, then i'd say you have a compatibility problem on your hands.

ElanSubdued.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 2/28/2008 12:00:30 AM >

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 12:26:49 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		If he thinks your business is community business, then make HIM community business.

Bend him over a bench, tie him to a table, whatever, put a big bowl of condoms on the table next to him, then announce that he is open for business. Do it at a big party, so he gets lots of "attention."

Since a lot of scene parties prohibit sex, you might have to throw your own special little party for this, but how humiliating would that be? You could even make him make the invitations and send them to all of your friends.

Of course, some slaves might get off on this sort of thing, so your mileage may vary.

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 1:09:02 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		If you are serious about punishment, withdraw all attention (positive or negative).  Send him away for a week to think about why he dishonoured you. 

He should spend the week contemplating if he really still wants to be your slave and, if so, in a week's time he can come back and give you a private presentation explaining why you should give him another chance.

No email, phone calls, visits.....nothing at all for a week.  REALLY banish him from your presence in EVERY way.

If possible, block him from reading your posts online as well.  He really needs to contemplate life without you.  To get a taste of the future of he does not improve his behaviour

I have had slaves plead, cry, get drunk and ring me 20 times a night, sit in my garden all night......but mostly beg and beg and beg for forgiveness. 

Do not cave into the begging.  THAT is real punishment but a truly tough owner. 

Any other punishment is just another cute little endurance test that will give him a woody every time he thinks about how "cruel" you were and what a brave little martyr he was.  Its just "play", which is fine if you are "playing" at discipline. 

But if you want the punishment to be devastatingly effective, send him away.

PS:  a week is long enough for me but it varies from slave to slave.  If you only see eachother once a month, then a month might be more appropriate.  If you live together a weekend might be enough.  You know your slave better than I do.


< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/28/2008 1:16:29 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 1:19:08 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I couldn't say it better than MsC.If it was me i would be so scared of the end consequence of being sent away for a week i just don't know how i would handle..probably begging my ass off for another chance.We are all human so your first reaction may very well be to tie and flog him till he bleeds but i do not believe that would get the best possible response or result.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 2:05:16 AM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Miss Vnus,

I can't say what works for, terrifies and/or humiliates your slave, punishments vary greatly on the individual. Still, if it were me I would suggest you do three things.

First and formost, discuss the infraction. Demand his/her silence, and dont use a gag, bondage or anything to give the slightest hint of a scene. This isn't a scene, this is a Mistress displeased. Tell him exactly how you have been failed. How it has brought you disappointment, shame, even hurt. Tell him how you feel. Just knowing one has hurt thier owner can be the most painful things to experience. Communication, and one-way at that. Make it clear you do not want talk back, explainations or any words from him about it at all. You are talking, he is listening... that is what is important.

Second, I would dismiss them. I will deviate from others here in that I would tell the slave when you may communicate with you again, when you will consider his siduation again. I feel it is important, else the slave may fall into depression (she will never want me again, I can do nothing to make her proud of me again) or develop a stalker mentality (I have to get her to notice me, if I can just XXX then she will like me again). Knowing you will consider talking with him at X time helps prevent hyper-crazy sub syndrome, and it makes it all that more devestating if you call him the day after you told him you were going to call. (I Imagine) he will cave with feelings of appreciation and respectfulness.

Third, I would assign a task to him. If you want his punishment and fault to show in your local community, maybe you should have him talk with other local Dominants that you both know or even those you dont (not sure how active you are locally) and get thier feelings on the subject. You could even order him to serve each of them in attonement, and set things up with friendly Doms ahead of time. Thats assuming you want him/her in physical pain, the down side is he/she might enjoy it. It will also give you a good measure to see if he is worthy, paticularly if this is over say, a six-week period. If he/she hints or shows any sign with them of looking for a dominant, then well... you be the judge.

These are only my ideas and are by far incomplete. I don't have any knowledge of what its like to own someone else or punish someone, but it is based on how I know I would feel.

Respectfully,
~cheryl-ann~

(in reply to chezzy52)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 3:28:59 AM   
MsLilac


Posts: 151
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Ok, I'm not talking about your average, "you've been a bad boy/girl." 
I'm talking about punishment for someone that has dishonored a Mistress in a serious way.  Serious enough that you know something is askew and you end up having to go tap the community to find out what it is.  Which means, that whatever problem there is, is now privy to the community at large.  An ultimate breach of trust in a slave.  Not just messing up in private.  But doing it in a fashion that it is "out there." 

I'm not looking for the "get rid of them" answer.  I'm looking for a punishment with intense impact.  Mentally.  Psychologically.  One that will really hit home as to the "extent" of what they have really done.  How deep the infracton really is in terms of protocols, trust, and dishonoring the Mistress you are begging to be owned by.

I have a few ideas.  But, would like to hear from some other Mistresses who have had to teach a "newer" slave the error of their ways with a very impactful reproach.  (And, no, I'm not talking about whipping his skin to shreds although it sounds awfully inviting).

Oh, and any slaves/subs who would like to impart some of their more impactful punishments, please share.

Any serious suggestions will be greatly considered.




I think ElanSubdued and MsC gave excellent replies.

It’s prudent to consider whether the ‘punishments’ given are going to negatively re-enforce the discipline and power structure within your relationship. Whilst he may not enjoy ‘punishment’ in the moment, at the very least, he may well look back in hindsight and become aroused. Implementing the ultimate sadistic ‘punishment‘, may on some level at least, be rewarding him.

Communication is the key. He needs to know just how much he has upset you. If this is not enough to agonise him into some serious self reflection, then compatibility may be something to consider. Personally, if it was a major infraction, and he had the insensitivity to make it public, I would be wondering that already.

If you do decide to banish him, he needs to know that whilst you are going to stand firm, that you are also being denied pleasure. So, in effect, his insensitive and bad behaviour, has negative consequences beyond just him. You are going to be denied from having fun. Which should give him something extra to ponder upon for the x amount of time you banish him.






_____________________________

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(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 3:29:07 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Ma`am. Banning someone from no contact for a week is ( was for me ) very effective. Even though i knew it was just a week it really hit home, as i knew next time it would be worse.

if someone behaved badly in public, once You have established why he behaved in that way, then maybe taking him to the same club and making him stand still all night, with no conatc with anyone would be effective. As might telling everyone in the club, individually, how sorry he was for his actions.

If his actions have hurt You that much though, finding out why he did it would be equally as important than any punishment in my view.

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 6:12:08 AM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		A withdrawal of all attention is the worst punishment you could give to me, pain and humiliation I can handle, but lack of attention from the one, would tear me apart.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 6:46:27 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		It is difficult to imagine without more from you, what sort of act could merit this desire, but not the desire to get rid of the sub. Similarly the punishment chosen should probably relate in some particular way to the action.

Not knowing that: if the breach or knowledge of the breach is, as you say, already out there in the community and the consequences affected you in the community, then it seems to me,  expiation can only come through the community as well. You bring the miscreant back to the community in a public way, a local play space, munch, bulletin board, meeting, whatever serves as the focal point for your community. There you announce that, although you have decided (or tentatively decided) to keep the sub or slave, he or she committed a grave offense. State what it is, and state that you will banish the sub or slave for a month from your presence (or whatever period you choose) and ask that no other members of the community associate with or play with him or her either. And ask the members of the community to also speak to, or contact the sub/slave and tell him/her the wrongness of his or her actions.

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 1:12:31 PM   
ObediantMan1


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I love Melbourne...and I do agree with your punishment style.  That would be a killer to not be able to serve the one you need for an entire week.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 1:59:50 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Dress him down calmly, in private, point by point with what he has done wrong. Explain to him why it was wrong, why it was hurtful and what the consequences of his actions were that impacted not only himself, but you, and anyone else the event effected. Drill it into him, no cussing, no raised voices, pound him with cold logic until he really has to face reality. Then show your displeasure by telling him the real consequence of the whole affair. Your displeasure, meaning, you no longer enjoy him, or trust him. You remove him from your confidence, you remove him from your list of priorities, and you back up and watch to see if he even cares what he messed up.

If the sub doesn't care, then no amount of 'punishment' or manipulation will make him care. If he does care, then he will beat himself up over it and try to make amends for having injured his relationship with you.

If he doesn't come to realize HE messed it up, if he doesn't seek to talk to you about it, to make penance or try to right the wrongs done, then he's not worth the effort.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 2/28/2008 2:01:19 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 8:04:07 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Lack of attention is a wonderful tool that can be used, just make sure to turn your ringer off, lol.  BUT the way the first post sounded, it was rather serious, is that really enough?

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 8:20:29 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

If you are serious about punishment, withdraw all attention (positive or negative).  Send him away for a week to think about why he dishonoured you. 

He should spend the week contemplating if he really still wants to be your slave and, if so, in a week's time he can come back and give you a private presentation explaining why you should give him another chance.

No email, phone calls, visits.....nothing at all for a week.  REALLY banish him from your presence in EVERY way.

If possible, block him from reading your posts online as well.  He really needs to contemplate life without you.  To get a taste of the future of he does not improve his behaviour

I have had slaves plead, cry, get drunk and ring me 20 times a night, sit in my garden all night......but mostly beg and beg and beg for forgiveness. 

Do not cave into the begging.  THAT is real punishment but a truly tough owner. 

Any other punishment is just another cute little endurance test that will give him a woody every time he thinks about how "cruel" you were and what a brave little martyr he was.  Its just "play", which is fine if you are "playing" at discipline. 

But if you want the punishment to be devastatingly effective, send him away.

PS:  a week is long enough for me but it varies from slave to slave.  If you only see eachother once a month, then a month might be more appropriate.  If you live together a weekend might be enough.  You know your slave better than I do.



Perfectly said MsC.
I was in a LDR with a sub in the past and I once had to cut her off from all contact for 24 hours as a punishment for an infraction. By the end of the 24 hours, she was begging and crying on the phone for Me to speak with her. Very effective.

_____________________________

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"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 2/28/2008 10:07:49 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear MistressVnus, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It is my understanding from the original posting, that this person you seek to punish, is someone who proclaims themselves to be a slave who is begging for your collar and or ownership.
 
Perhaps I am an old fashioned and have a different view on what is happening.  First of all, a slave who is not collared to you is not bound to you, your honor, your entitlement, your administration of punishment/discipline/revenge and or justice.  IF, and I will repeat the IF--the slave was collared and committed, knowing the expectations of what is allowed and or tolerated or not and did such--they would expect the proper adjudication of known consequences for such behavior.  However--this is not the case from your first post.  He is not beholding to you and nor are you to him.
 
I am not a first hand witness to what has occurred with you both.  However, I have seen some 'Fem. Doms' to whom have gotten on the 'high horse' per se; and ready to exact punishment on unowned submissives/slaves; as if they are 'entitled' by the sheer title of Mistress, Queen and or any other title they use.  This, to me sets the situation up where a Dominant will fail in the larger sense.  More like, one may win a battle but the war is lost because the 'power' is not established, nor has been the authority.  So many Dominants throw out 'honor' and so-n-so Dominant's honor has been offended and so forth.  My mental response immediately would be--you have to have honor first before it can be offended.  To over step the boundary of a committed relationship situation, with the known consequences for bad behavior to begin with--not as an after thought; will cause more harm to a Dominant's reputation than what 'gossip' and or 'hearsay' is being conducted.  It is a situation where many cases of 'sour grapes' are being stomped out as people 'whine' about others.
 
There is often a desire for Dominants to do 'damage control' if there is indeed damage.  Credibility of an individual as well as reputation will often supersede any negatives from an intermitten individual.  We, in general are well aware that it just could be a case of being a miss-match and nobody is 'totally wrong'--just a 'totally wrong partnership.'
 
I hope that consideration is taken as to make sure the 'intentions' behind the 'punishment' with mental, emotional and or spiritual impact is honest--not 'twisted' honest/truth and seen by just one.  I hope that it would be considered, that if you had to dig deep into the community as to find out what is going on--that it may have already been dismissed by your peers and should you take issue with it and make it more obvious--that you create a situation where what you wish to avoid--now becomes focused upon by your own behavior/statements.  Hopefully, you will look at the short term results and see if the cost out weights the long term results--asking yourself--is it really worth it?
 
For me, I do not favor someone who puts their private business out into the public and or community 'pipe line.'  There are a few individuals that are like loud speakers and if you wish someone to get a message, just tell certain 'blabber mouths' and it will be broadcasted.  Some of these people twist things and soon they are known for what they are. 
 
At times, it takes a real thick skin as to hold one's head up high and to continue the course.  However, I distance myself from noise makers, gossip spinners and those who are in dire need of attention and create it when they lack it.  I seek a discrete partner.  I wouldn't collar anyone who has to be the social lead butterfly.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 3/2/2008 11:09:25 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

 
I'm talking about punishment for someone that has dishonored a Mistress in a serious way.   

(And, no, I'm not talking about whipping his skin to shreds although it sounds awfully inviting).



Since you don't want him to suffer the stroke of a whip, a bar of soap seems a lenient and suitable form of penance.

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m y s p a c e


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishments with IMPACT - 3/3/2008 8:52:07 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		My way?

First, I contemplate whether I'm reacting because it's embarassed me or whether it's truly that heinous an infraction.

Next, as soon as humanly possible, I call a sit-down, face to face conversation about the situation.

If there was anyone else "offended", the subject is expected to hand write them letters of apology.  I will see them first before they are sent.

Next, is a written assignment. I find that unless the male is a writer himself that this is one of the hardest things for them to sit down and do.  He is given a word count, and is told that his assignment is to write to me about what he's done, how it's affected me and those around us in the community, how my telling him he displeased me affected him and how he will change his behavior to avoid this happening in the future.

I enact a moratorium on seeing me until the assignment is complete.  If it was that grand an infraction, he is also put on probation with me -- generally a month to three months.

That being said, I can count on one hand the times that this was enacted.  Either it was not that bad an offense and I was overreacting or it was bad enough to send his ass packing.....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 19
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