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turning realtime - 2/28/2008 12:21:43 AM

bethylovescuddle

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Okay, this isn't a whine but i struggle a lot with turning real time. Whenever i go to Munches up in London, though i probably have seen people before i don't feel comfortable cause they are chatting to others, and when people are in their groups its hard to come in as an outsider.
Fetish fairs tend to be easier for me but then people are often with a partner or a group.
In nightclubs people tend to go with mates and already know each other.
It's really quite a problem knowing whethere y/You can join in or do you stand around looking lost until someone says "hey, come be with us?" Actually, I perfected the lost look (and I pout better than a celeb).
To get to my point is there a way of finding people offline in UK?

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 6:34:15 AM

sirsholly

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People react to friendliness, be it at a munch or where ever. If i saw you standing on the sidelines with your perfected pout i would not trip over myself for an introduction. Continue to go to the munches but leave the lost little girl face at home. Smile, walk around and mingle, act like you are glad to be where you are.

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 6:42:04 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Often you can find about munches online. You can also find out who hosts them online. Send the host/ess an email introducing yourself. Explain that you feel a bit uncomfortable joining an established group without knowing anyone there. Ask if it is ok to sit with them and have them introduce you to the other members; often you won't have to ask, they will offer.

Reaching out to people shows vulnerability. Many people respond to that sincerely and will assist any way they can. Particularly people who host events - they want their events to be successful.

As always, use your best judgment and make your own decisions as to who you become friendly with; but the host/ess is always a good start.

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 6:57:45 AM

colouredin

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Hiya, :D I personally love BBB and go whenever I can and have made some pretty close friends there, I do it by being rude, I have bene known to chase people around to straighten their stockings or ask someone a question chat to them by the bar etc, also joining UK based internet sites once you are in the crew you will be welcomed into their group at events etc and its always nice to see a friendly face, I have met lots of people through people I have met online

try www.informedconsent.co.uk (esp good for local munchs)
the chat on www.faceparty.com (there is normally a D/s room and its where i met most people in the uk from)
www.alt.com (i blog a lot and am arranging meetings with my 'fans' lol)

I find if you start talking to people about whatever they will talk back most are fairly friendly :D

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:00:52 AM

SailingBum

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Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bethylovescuddle

Okay, this isn't a whine but i struggle a lot with turning real time. Whenever i go to Munches up in London, though i probably have seen people before i don't feel comfortable cause they are chatting to others, and when people are in their groups its hard to come in as an outsider.
Fetish fairs tend to be easier for me but then people are often with a partner or a group.
In nightclubs people tend to go with mates and already know each other.
It's really quite a problem knowing whethere y/You can join in or do you stand around looking lost until someone says "hey, come be with us?" Actually, I perfected the lost look (and I pout better than a celeb).
To get to my point is there a way of finding people offline in UK?

I don't think so you seem to have ruled out quite a few social scenes. Perhaps your expecting in some magical way to met ppl by pouting cuz it's such a turn on...

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:36:52 AM

Dnomyar

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OP try unbuttoning your top buttons. Smile. Hike up the skirt a little. Buy some guy/woman your interested in an ale. Learn how to sail and have some Bum take you out on his boat.

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:47:16 AM

lally3

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hi,

before i ever showed at the local munch here i made contact with one of the subs through their website. usually they have a meet and greet system, but if not, i do pretty much what colouredin does, i settle down next to someone who looks friendly and say hi.

one time there was a sub, (im guessing), who sat on her own the whole evening because the face on her told everyone to stay away - so i did. that might have been you (it wasnt i know, but the point is im pretty easy going and we could have had a laugh). you just have to push yourself forward and go with it.

people already know people at these events and get talking and that can be off putting when you know noone. being open and friendly is definitely the way forward. personally i wouldnt go to a great big, loads of people set up - much easier to make friends and contacts at first through a small group. gives you confidence too.

as colouredin says, go check out informed consent, find a local munch to you, maybe a smallish group to start with, get to know people there and then progress from there with the friends you have made.

good luck
lally

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:49:40 AM

CarrieO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

Often you can find about munches online. You can also find out who hosts them online. Send the host/ess an email introducing yourself. Explain that you feel a bit uncomfortable joining an established group without knowing anyone there. Ask if it is ok to sit with them and have them introduce you to the other members; often you won't have to ask, they will offer.

Reaching out to people shows vulnerability. Many people respond to that sincerely and will assist any way they can. Particularly people who host events - they want their events to be successful.

As always, use your best judgment and make your own decisions as to who you become friendly with; but the host/ess is always a good start.

Now, I tried this approach. Joined an online bdsm group that hosts local munches. I sent a nice and respectful email to the hostess stating that I was new to the scene and was more than a little intimadated by the idea of going to the munch by myself and asked for some info on what to expect. I got no reply. Hmmm? Of course this doesn't mean I'm not going to give it the old college try and go...by myself or with any poor soul I can rope into joining me. It does, however, make me question the sincerity of people. It's really about stepping out of your comfort zone, I think. The more you do it, the easier it can be.

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:55:06 AM

colouredin

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I think that sometimes they will be inundated with mail, to be honest i wouldnt bother, I would just grab a friend and go. I know thats hard for some people esp if they arent out. Munchs are normally held middle of the day in a pub, i mean there wont be many people there and will be lots of people on their own and THERES ALCOHOL!!!! I would just get their early, witha book have a beer sit down work out where the group is (they normally put sommit on their table) and work up the courage to go over, If not when someone comes over the bar politely ask about it something like that. Sometimes i really think fear is good and doing something without having your hand held makes it a hell of a lot better and you can feel prouder about it too.

op if you feel most comfy at fairs just goto fairs, you dont have to go to munches and you can meet lots of people at them, i mean you have LAM and Erotica and im sure plenty more in london if thats your area. Or you could just hang around so ho (thats totally what I do when I go frigging love that place)

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:56:30 AM

kittinSol

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Is Torture Garden still running

?

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 7:57:33 AM

colouredin

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Yup it is :P

Im so not pretty enough for it, i was gonna go last month but got scared that i didnt look good enough, Hades is meant to be ace tho (im going next month we are dressing up as the joker, harlyquinn and poison ivy hehehe)

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 8:05:08 AM

kittinSol

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Absolute bollocks, you're more than pretty enough.

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RE: turning realtime - 3/6/2008 8:08:26 AM

colouredin

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awww *blush* thanks i actually wasnt fishing that time (so unlike me)

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