RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (Full Version)

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atursvcMaam -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 5:57:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl

*fast reply* (will catch up to others!)

leatherist..I think you hit it on the head.
That was the problem. Number 1. And the defination between divorced and married but having seperate housing situations.

My bad on that one tho. I should have smelled fishiness with visits were always at motels when I went to visit and never to His house.

and option 3 sounds seller the more I stew. <grins> thank you!


You could always send the collar back to the home address, no return address, and mark it "anthrax testing kit" or STD results, he will get found.



GreedyTop -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 6:47:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam
You could always send the collar back to the home address, no return address, and mark it "anthrax testing kit" or STD results, he will get found.


priceless!!



littleone35 -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 6:50:02 AM)

I think you should write a letter not necesarly send it but the writing of it may help.  As for the collar he does not want it back so you should sell it, burn it, give it away, trash it.  I wouls just toss it obviously it menat more to you then to him.  I would not want it around reminding me of the lier that hurt me.  Time will bring closure.

Matt's littleone



MissSCD -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 6:52:31 AM)

In my opinion, a lifestylle breakup is much more difficult to deal with than a normal relationship because of the power exchange and trust involved in the dynamic.
What I always recommend folks to do with their collar is to keep and put it in a safe place.  Do not send it back. 
If you have a picture of your soon to be ex, you can frame the picture and drape the collar around it.
Then, the next thing to closure is time.  It takes time to get over a break up like this one.  I would stay to myself for a while and heal before I move on.
 
Best wishes.
 
MissSCD



KatyLied -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 10:37:56 AM)

quote:

But how important is closure? I feel like there is so much left..unsaid. I just feel this incredibly need to tell Him how much the lies hurt .. and some of the good stuff...and what maybe caused the problem.


I have firm opinions about closure.  You should make your own closure, don't depend on him to give it to you.  To keep in communication with him, attempting for closure is nothing more than continuing to give him power over you.  Is this something you really want?



DesFIP -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 11:17:07 AM)

You offerred to mail the collar back if he wants it. By not giving you an address, he is saying he doesn't want it back.

Maybe he feels that as long as you have it, he still has a chance to talk you into continuing. You need only say that if he doesn't send you an address inside of two days, you're throwing it out. That way the ball is in your court.

As far as closure, I don't get the feeling that's what this is about. I do feel that you want revenge on him and want to tell him everything that he did wrong. Your emotions are yours to handle, your responsibility and not his. If you need to write things down, then do so. And then burn the letters. It isn't his job to say you were right about everything, it's your job. And if you can't get over this alone, that's what professional help is for.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 7:35:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD
In my opinion, a lifestylle breakup is much more difficult to deal with than a normal

When people say that, I always ask if they'd be willing to go up to my sister when he husband dies and tell her that at least she doesn't have to deal with the Ds relationship ending because that would be worse?



angelic -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 8:11:03 PM)

I have not read all (or many of the replies); however, what might help you is to make a closing ceremony with the collar.  Write down everything you want to tell him, take that and the collar and have your own private closure.  Then either toss them both, sail them out to sea, burn them (you get the idea).  Good luck.



angelic -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 8:12:34 PM)

A breakup is different than death.  I am sorry about your sister's husband.



ownedgirlie -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 8:13:00 PM)

I found closer re: my former marriage by having such a ceremony with the apartment dumpster.

OK I kept the emerald bracelet but I'm having it turned into something else.  [8D]



angelic -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 8:15:01 PM)

Ha ha!  Yeah, we have to make smart choices about what to keep and what to destroy!  ;)



lookingforOnenow -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 8:21:54 PM)

closure is something, in my experience, that you never really get, as long as you're expecting it to involve your former partner.

give yourself a time period to mourn-that's natural.

and then pull yourself out of it and ask yourself what YOU want for YOU-not how you could change things, not how you could try again, not how the what if's could pan out differently. 

let it go.  otherwise it'll tear you up. 

the collar? it's an object with significance, sure. but if he doesn't give you the address-sounds like he never will-keep it until you're done mourning, and then bury it, burn it, throw it in a river, just get it out of your life.

you'll make it. you'll be okay. one day you will look back and be shocked at who you were.



ownedgirlie -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 11:32:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Ha ha!  Yeah, we have to make smart choices about what to keep and what to destroy!  ;)


Considering he was unemployed when he bought it, my mom said "Keep it - you bought it anyway.  He just went and picked it up for you since you were so busy WORKING."  [8D]

It was actually a whole set - diamond/emerald earrings, necklace and tennis bracelet.  One of the only gifts he ever bought me...when he knew he was losing me.  I was going to get rid of 'em but decided to meet with a jeweler in a couple of weeks and design 'em into something else. 

I'm thinking a tiara... [:D] 



ownedgirlie -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 11:34:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lookingforOnenow

closure is something, in my experience, that you never really get, as long as you're expecting it to involve your former partner.


I'll echo this a thousand times over.  "Closure" comes from within.

quote:


one day you will look back and be shocked at who you were.



I love that, and relate to that.



GreedyTop -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (2/29/2008 11:36:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Considering he was unemployed when he bought it, my mom said "Keep it - you bought it anyway.  He just went and picked it up for you since you were so busy WORKING."  [8D]

It was actually a whole set - diamond/emerald earrings, necklace and tennis bracelet.  One of the only gifts he ever bought me...when he knew he was losing me.  I was going to get rid of 'em but decided to meet with a jeweler in a couple of weeks and design 'em into something else. 

I'm thinking a tiara... [:D] 


Must post pics!! *grins*



Evility -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (3/1/2008 7:32:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Closure really is something I roll my eyes at.  It usually means "I want to feel like I've impacted you in some way and be able to get some dignity back from you by spilling it all out on the table and making you uncomfortable for awhile".


I agree. I liken it to 'having the last word'.



mhawk -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (3/1/2008 7:32:30 AM)

problem with that is Feds and everybody would be on that like wildfire..............if he doesn't want it back use it for thing ring in lawn darts



Tapestry -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (3/1/2008 8:46:46 AM)

Like others have said, it's about you - not him.
What you need must come from within you, and if you want it to involve him, that really is a revenge of sorts.
Let him be.

2 stories from my experience:

#1 - writing the letter is very helpful - take as long as you want writing and adding, be as honest and angry and sad and nasty as you need to be, write from stream of consciousness, and get it all out.  Of course you will never send him the letter, it is only for you

because

#2 - during a previous break-up the man would not stop calling, emailing, im'ing, and even in fact to this day tries to contact me.  It's pathetic.

so please, don't be the pathetic one in this situation, leave him alone and stop trying to contact him, and if he should try to contact you do not under any circumstance take the call or reply to the email/im etc.

Blessings and Peace



colouredin -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (3/1/2008 8:57:30 AM)

We dont really use the word closure in the UK so im not 100% sure what it means. I am assuming it is going over all the problems with the relationship or something to that affect. I have done that before, its just a form of self destruction mixed with a hope that you can convince them not to leave. FOr me at the end of a relationship I think like this. I cared about a person I trusted, could talk to, liked being with etc etc well He/She isnt that person any more so it really isnt a loss to me that its not there. 



Missokyst -> RE: End of a Relationship/Closure/Collar custody? (3/1/2008 9:10:01 AM)

LOL.. that reminded me of how I dispensed with my wedding ring.  Flushed down the porcelain bowl in a wad of browned paper.
Not the best ending for a diamond, but it did my heart good. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How would you be acting and what would you be doing if this were a vanilla relationship?



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