RE: How can a Master do it?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How can a Master do it?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How can a Master do it?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 3:00:51 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline

so sorry to hear of your hurting,

i think that is sad that there was no comunication involved. i fully believe in the importance of that, if there were other issues going on for him or for either of you then he should have discussed them and gave you a reason for having to leave.

i hope you find some peace.

(in reply to inncentbaby)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 3:01:29 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inncentbaby

hi i have a question im so confused i have just left a relationship with my Master. He loved me & i loved him but he ended it in one night moved out of my life . how can a Master do that to a subbie when I have gave him everything I had to offer him? Please help me understand what i did wrong?
inncentbaby

There is no possible way that anyone can give you answers to those question on here with what you state..... oh yes lots of possbilities can be tossed out... but that will only serve to muddy the waters... when no one knows what is in the water in the first place. You can start to share and the issues and yourself... but what does that serve... but only to make yourself more vulnerable at a time that you are feelng so vulnerable that you are in a deep state of pain. look to your confidents/friends... share slowly and give it time to find the those answer.... of course.. you might not have them close at hand.. and that would be sad...

Sometimes the best way to learn what one does wrong... is to learn what is right... not right for some else - but what is right for you...... Do not look at your relationship specifically... But relationships in general.... what is it you expect and want - what is it you give and can't give......

Carl Rogers (a noted psychologist) coined the term Congruence... what it refers to is that we have the ideal self and the real self... the idea self - is that which we envision ourselve as being within and desiring to be. The real self - is that which we are... that which we continuely demonstrate. His premise was the the closer the Idea self is in symmentry to the Real self.. the happier we are as individuals and the further apart the more unhappy and even dysfuntional we become. I expand the thought into relationships... We all have our ideal vision of the prefect relationship... but then we also have what is really there! as a relationship Look at what is your ideal... look at what was really there... and possibly you might find what was wrong.. not just with you.. but him and the relationship as a whole.

KoM

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to inncentbaby)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 3:16:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
The point is that being a sub and in a D/s relationship, probably has left her more open to hurt than if it had been a vanilla relationship. However without knowing all the facts and other case related material i simply used a generalization which is quite acceptable. I can see where you are comming from ES lass and I dont disagree with you it really is a matter of perspectives.

The problem being you can't really quantify it. Would I feel more loss if my boyfriend died versus my Boston partner versus the Owner versus my mother versus my nephews?

Each have incredibly different connections, but I don't see how I, or anyone external to me, could say that I'd mourn or hurt MORE from any one loss or another just because I happen to be vanilla in some and not vanilla in others.

And I think it's false to say that "submissives" feel things differently than anyone else, it's arrogant and false, even in the modified "versus a vanilla relationship."

I can understand how a specific submissive feels a specific connection with a specific person, and thus feels greater depth of loss in that sense. But again, it's nothing to do with being submissive, simply due to having that specific connection.

ES lass, I do understand your view and I find it most valid, perhaps this is just one of those points which you and I could enjoy debating till the cows come home and later if there were a bottle of old malt scotch in the offering. However we may also just agree to disagree. If I believed I was wrong I'd be the first to tell you so, however I am basing my comment on long experience. It may just be that we do see things differently. I've never been a sub/slave and I dont know how they feel. My knowledge is based on field and clinical experience.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/23/2005 4:11:10 PM

NYMaster101

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

Sorry for your loss. Sadly, this happens in all kinds of relationships- not just BDSM.

(in reply to inncentbaby)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/24/2005 11:44:46 AM

RopesandThings

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline

Maybe something serious happened in his life........ then again isnt a D/s relationship just like any other in basic terms. Why should it last forever. Move on!!!!!!!

(in reply to inncentbaby)

Profile

Post #: 25