overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (Full Version)

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littlemissmalice -> overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:02:55 AM)

My partner and i have always had great communication and touch base on how we feel about things that are troubling us on a daily baisis however , lately ive been growing quite restless. im a submissive who has never really had the honour of being truly owned or dominated . My partner is a switch and although he enjoys dominating me he prefers to be a submissive which i try my best to accomidate but lately the need and desire for submission and training even a small set of consistant rules has been driving me insane. It can be scary at times because i feel that i will not be able to find the stability in him that i feel i need from a dom . Most of our scenes are simply role play and really hold no bearing , i find myself craving punishment ( even though i despise pain) for things i may have done during the day but i know i wont recieve it and it makes me uneasy. I really dont know what to do with the emotions that seem to be slowing engulfing my thoughts and my spirit.



Justme696 -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:06:15 AM)

quote:

always had great communication

but don't have about this issue?
Does he Dom others? Just curious..



Leatherist -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:08:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissmalice

My partner and i have always had great communication and touch base on how we feel about things that are troubling us on a daily baisis however , lately ive been growing quite restless. im a submissive who has never really had the honour of being truly owned or dominated . My partner is a switch and although he enjoys dominating me he prefers to be a submissive which i try my best to accomidate but lately the need and desire for submission and training even a small set of consistant rules has been driving me insane. It can be scary at times because i feel that i will not be able to find the stability in him that i feel i need from a dom . Most of our scenes are simply role play and really hold no bearing , i find myself craving punishment ( even though i despise pain) for things i may have done during the day but i know i wont recieve it and it makes me uneasy. I really dont know what to do with the emotions that seem to be slowing engulfing my thoughts and my spirit.


If this is really messing with your mind,you are going to have to sit down with him.........and ask him if it's really in him to give you what you need.



Dnomyar -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:11:04 AM)

Simple. He is a switch and your not. How are you going to deal with that.



littlemissmalice -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:15:39 AM)

Thanks to all who have replied , to answer a few questions , i am his only submissive , and we communicate quite well about this we jsut dont know what to do with it , sometimes he feels as though he is unable to give me what i need because he is under alot of other outside stresses. Ive been with him for almost two years and ive considered staying with him but looking for domination elsewhere but its very scary as i have built alot of trust in him and would have to start from the ground up with someone new. It takes quite a while for me to establish enough trust for someone to dominate me.



RedMagic1 -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:17:37 AM)

Have you told him how bad this is for you?  I mean: really, really told him?  This sounds thinking-about-seeing-other-men bad, ending-the-relationship-bad.  If you have not expressed it in those terms to him, because you are afraid of hurting his feelings, then you've been a very bad girl!!!!!!  Lay it straight out, all cards on the table.  And one thing to bear in mind... if my lady told me I wasn't punishing her enough, I would apologize -- and then make sure she thought I was punishing her PLENTY. So be sure this is really what you want.  You might get it.



mnottertail -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:18:02 AM)

may I ask how old he is? 

I am serious, get him a dog training book.

Really (he may just get it),
Ron

start him slow and easy 15 minutes once or twice a day is all he needs to start with
we eat the elephant one bite at a time, so as not to choke.



Justme696 -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:19:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Simple. He is a switch and your not. How are you going to deal with that.


I don't have too ;)



ProlificNeeds -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:19:35 AM)

Consider it in this light. Is no-domination a hard limit for you? Must you fill this need for being dominated to stay in a relationship? Seeing a pro might be an alternative if you just want a fix now and again, but if you really want to keep this relationship and cherish it for what it is, not what you want it to be, then you need to make a choice.



littlemissmalice -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:27:15 AM)

i have told him about how i feel about the situation and i do want to stay in the relationship , and yes i do feel as though i need domination in order to maintain the relationship . Its difficult because we are a young couple and i have had more expirience in the lifestyle then he has so often i find myself having to teach him. We have agreed to try and work through it slowly, keeping in mind eachothers needs. i would love to see a professional even if its simply to learn more things to apply to our relationship, i would love for him to sit in on a session and learn from another dom , however its not something i can afford financially .



ProlificNeeds -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 9:50:30 AM)

Well if it's mentoring you want, you and he should look for local events, and get active. Making friends in the community could be a powerful resource to helping you, and him, get a better perspective, and possibly some ideas for how to make you both happier in your relationship. You might luck out and find a dom willing to mentor you both after a fashion.



DesFIP -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 10:51:53 AM)

You can't give him what he needs, a full time domme. And he can't give you what you need, a full time dom. So open the relationship.

You find a poly dom who doesn't mind that you already have a partner and he finds a poly domme who doesn't mind that he already has a partner.

You support each other during searching for these relationships, during bad times in the relationship, and cheer each other on when things go well. Between times you take time topping each other. Please note I said topping, not dominating, because neither of you get turned on dominating each other. But service topping is something different.



SailingBum -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 11:28:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissmalice

My partner and i have always had great communication and touch base on how we feel about things that are troubling us on a daily baisis however , lately ive been growing quite restless. im a submissive who has never really had the honour of being truly owned or dominated . My partner is a switch and although he enjoys dominating me he prefers to be a submissive which i try my best to accomidate but lately the need and desire for submission and training even a small set of consistant rules has been driving me insane. It can be scary at times because i feel that i will not be able to find the stability in him that i feel i need from a dom . Most of our scenes are simply role play and really hold no bearing , i find myself craving punishment ( even though i despise pain) for things i may have done during the day but i know i wont recieve it and it makes me uneasy. I really dont know what to do with the emotions that seem to be slowing engulfing my thoughts and my spirit.


I see this theme over and over again.  We have great communication BUT...They give me answer "I" don't like".  What the issue really is your not "hearing" what they are saying.  So you can "talk" until your lips turn blue and it's not going to make a bit of difference. 

I see many a post on here "You need to REALLY comunicate this or that"  I'm like no shit sherlock they have.  They just don't get why their partner won't make it happen.  It's like what part of "no" don't you understand.

BadOne




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 7:03:27 PM)

He might not need a full time dom, but it doesn seem like you aren't getting everything to make you fulfilled.  A prime example of two people being kinky and accomodating for eachother still isn't automatically a recipe for success- just like two vanillas isn't automatically a good match.

It would be worse to avoid the issue over fear of "starting over."  You really need to work on this directly together and see what options exist for you both.



RedMagic1 -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 7:19:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
I see many a post on here "You need to REALLY comunicate this or that"  I'm like no shit sherlock they have. 

You are used to command, and to the need for clear, terse communication.  You could end up in, um, Davy Jones's Locker, otherwise.[;)]  It shows in your posts.  I don't always agree with you, but I have never thought your position was vague.

Many people do not have your transactional prowess.  They are not as willing or able to express their wants and needs.  This gets worse when dealing with topics that cause shame, or when the speaker isn't sure what they really want either.  I think it's very common to have totally lousy non-conversations about kinky subjects, and then to say, "Well, hey, we talked about it."



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (2/29/2008 8:40:48 PM)

quit whinning be happy you have someone to play with  stop trying to change a person either like them for what they are or move on. do not let you sexual drive make you nuts trying to change or make someone something they are not.....  people do that a lot on here 



SailingBum -> RE: overwhelmed - dealing with a switch (3/1/2008 10:46:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
I see many a post on here "You need to REALLY comunicate this or that"  I'm like no shit sherlock they have. 

You are used to command, and to the need for clear, terse communication.  You could end up in, um, Davy Jones's Locker, otherwise.[;)]  It shows in your posts.  I don't always agree with you, but I have never thought your position was vague.

Many people do not have your transactional prowess.  They are not as willing or able to express their wants and needs.  This gets worse when dealing with topics that cause shame, or when the speaker isn't sure what they really want either.  I think it's very common to have totally lousy non-conversations about kinky subjects, and then to say, "Well, hey, we talked about it."



If someone can't tell their SO theirs wants and needs who can you tell???

BadOne



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