Lumus
Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: colouredin
Has no one heard the term "ive gotta get this off my chest"? sorry to disapoint about the not being about tits thing.
Hmm. Well, let's see. You stated in your first paragraph that you wanted other people's opinions. Why get angry or defensive when you hear them? You're getting some insight; might not jive with your perceptions, but I'm pretty sure they weren't meant to - they were just opinions, what you asked for.
*tosses in two shiny coins*
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We are given our morals and ideals, the impact on us from birth and then affect us for the rest of our life. What happens if they are wrong? Most things in life are theoretical virtually nothing is fact, to live our life by a list of mantras would be restricting and harming and yet it seems we all do. This is right and this is wrong, I force my brain into this black and white view. I strive to achieve the things expected of me, and when I fail I dont question the expectation but myself, why couldnt I do it what is wrong with me. Maybe I cant do it because I am not meant to do it. Maybe these things that I have been told I need are the very things that will hurt me the most if I get them. But now how am I meant to re-program this into my brain, tell it that its ok when deep down my body pulsates with self loathing. My self destructive nature may not be that at all, maybe I dont gravitate towards stuff that will hurt me for that reason maybe I am simply unaware of what hurts me. I have always felt lonley since forever, I have always wanted these ideals, to be beautiful have lots of friends and a loving relationship, but then I hate going out i dont like that many people I would rather be comfy and feel good than make others think i look good, I get bored of people. When I sit in my room I think, god I am sad i should be out, when I am out I think god I want to go home. Where did my desire to go out come from? not from me but from what I think I am supposed to want. Everyone needs human contact of course, but do i need to talk to people simply for the sake of talking? Do I have to hate myself for not giving a toss about who is going out with who and who got drunk last week?
You pick your own morals and ethics in life, eventually; although it's true you start with what you see and what you're taught. If you choose to change your outlook and get some indigestion from guilt, that's about par for the course - but what does that mean to you? Is the source of negative feelings because you didn't stay true to your beginnings, or because the new path doesn't actually suit?
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We are living in a lifestyle outside of the norm, we have been honest about these desires for whatever reason, how honest have we been? who knows I know that my desire to submit doesnt come 100% from a nice fluffy happy place, and I know that If i was honest about where it does come from I would be looked down on just as I am sure i would look down on others honesty. Yet though we bang on about honesty in the lifestyle people wont even accept it in themselves. They wont admit to something for fear of being called a fake. Why are they not real people? Does not fitting into the box make their feelings less valid? I label myself submissive, and i rather enjoy biting and scratching people, i laugh when i watch f being caned, does that mean I am not submissive? does that mean I am Domme? and who gives a fuck? If I want to identify with the term sub who the fuck has the right to tell me if I am or am not? Why is it that in a place where we are not accepted by people outside it do people inside it judge the most?
The term 'normal' is relative. It can change by geography, culture, or the decade in question. We don't put children to work at the age of six anymore, but that was once acceptable.
Honesty is also subjective when you apply emotion. Are you talking logic or morals? If the latter...see above. If the former, then you're facing clinical fact; digest it as you will, for it won't always taste pleasant, either.
People with a little knowledge are more likely to judge than someone with no knowledge, and they will base their judgment on what they know. If you feel labelled and don't like it, welcome to the English language and the human race. Both are chock full of diverse methodolgies, philosophies, and interpretation. Forget how you're perceived - which you will never change; will change and regret; or may influence with some luck, only to face a copy of your own opinion - and concern yourself with how you see yourself [again, see above].
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Humans have a desire for supremacy, we label the fuck out of things so that we can alianate people from the group, feel that we belong more, "no if you dont feel that then you arent real". I think that this has been one of my biggest issues to overcome and its so unhealthy, we fight our desires because we ourselves start to believe that if we feel a certain thing is makes us less valid. No person ever has only pure thoughts, no person is selfless, we all have the capacity for evil as well as good. This is not to say there are no bad people of course there are and there are nice people but its a raging scale and no one is 100% of either, and the least we admit that the worst that we are. Those who claim to be the most non judgemental, least bigoted and most enlightened are often the biggest liers, they still feel bigotry and judgement they just refuse to admit it, I have felt all ranges of bigoted thoughts in my life and I have judged people on all manner of things that they dont deserve to be judged on. I admit it, send out the lynch mob ill be waiting. I dont care to be honest we all do it we are just too afraid to admit it.
Humans have a survival instinct, which necessitates competition on occasion. Don't mistake that for the urge to be superior. Those are two separate layers of the brain; different roots even if the outcomes match.
Good and evil are also subjective; there is no universal definition for either, only what is generally accepted. This also seems to be a perception issue for you; and as the matter has already been addressed [points up a bit].
Assuming that something is actually its opposite is not an uncommon occurance; it's not often right, either.
Now, granted, you didn't ask for advice, but I'll offer it anyways, because that's a part of my nature.
Take a deep breath.
Say, "Fuck it."
Be yourself.
You'll be happier in the long run.
_____________________________
<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>
~ the other half of "L&L" ~
I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.
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Stuff on my chest - 
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