I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (Full Version)

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SweetPeach82 -> I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 12:56:01 PM)

Ok, so I've been dating this guy for a little while and he recently came to  me and asked if he could be my slave. Only problem is that I've never been in an actual d/s relationship and neither has he. He has only been with three other women and he just wants to explore whats out there. We only started sleeping together a short time ago and we're still in that stage where we're figuring out each others limits and what we both like. So, when he asked me to take controll of him, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to try that he was afriad to tell me. He said he pretty much wants to try it all, but can't think of anything that he really wants to do. He just knows that he wants to do everything with me. So, pretty much, my question is... Where do we start? Can anyone give me any ideas as to what we should do first? I have no real limits other than the normal no pets, no kids, no blood, no scat play. He shares all of those with me. So, how do I introduce new things and take control of him without pushing things to far and without freakin him out? I've always been exteremly comfortable with sex and for the first time in my life feel really odd not knowing what to do. So, if anyone can give me any advice it'd be great. Thanks so much for reading this. :) *hugs* Nancy



AquaticSub -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 1:07:01 PM)

A good place to start is to figure out what you want. Do you want him to paint your toenails, buy you an issue of your favorite magazine, eat you out and/or cook dinner? Do you want to cuff him to the bed and ride him at your leisure or do you want him to pound away like he's never done before?

Figuring out what kind of control you are interested in providing and what kind of service you are interested in receiving will give you a lot of information - including what he does and doesn't like doing for you.



RedMagic1 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 2:14:46 PM)

I agree with Aqua.

Be honest about the fact that you won't always know what you are doing, but any mistakes you make will be honest ones.  If you overrun one of his limits through ignorance, or do something that gets one of you (or both of you) hurt -- well, that's the breaks, and the two of you will get through it.  And hey -- if you ain't breakin' the bed, you ain't experimentin' enough.



Sundowner -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 2:24:46 PM)

Sounds as if you can talk to each other but if he's saying he pretty much wants to try it all, but can't think of anything that he really wants to do you need to help him.

You could try asking if he'd like to do stuff - bondage, punishment or humiliation are pretty much "typical" slave turn-ons. Of course it can be much more complex than that, but at least you can get him talking. Hopefully, once he starts, it's easy (well easier).



SweetPeach82 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 3:02:00 PM)

Thanks for the advice so far. Its been a great help and its really giving me some thoughts on things to talk to him about when he gets home tonight.

But I do have what will probably be a stupid question... What are "typical" slave turn ons?



IrishMist -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 5:06:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPeach82

Thanks for the advice so far. Its been a great help and its really giving me some thoughts on things to talk to him about when he gets home tonight.

But I do have what will probably be a stupid question... What are "typical" slave turn ons?

LOL, it's not a stupid question. There are no TYPICAL SLAVE TURN ON's. Everyone is different, everyone wants something different from their own relationships. The only 'typical' turn on's are those that exist between you and your partner.



AAkasha -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 5:26:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPeach82

Thanks for the advice so far. Its been a great help and its really giving me some thoughts on things to talk to him about when he gets home tonight.

But I do have what will probably be a stupid question... What are "typical" slave turn ons?


Do you have a strap on?


Akasha



SweetPeach82 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 5:39:19 PM)

No, we don't. But we talked about anal play and he is ok with fingering, but not with full blown anal sex.



RedMagic1 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 5:40:48 PM)

Hey Akasha, you posted a month ago or so about how to talk to a blindfolded man.  I don't remember the name of the thread though.  It helped me clarify my own technique, and I used some of it just recently.  So (1) Thanks! ... and (2) do you know where that is?  The OP here could use it.



Pyrrsefanie -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (2/29/2008 6:30:28 PM)

There really is no such thing as a "typical" slave turn-on.  It differs from person to person... although I suppose if you're looking for the stereotypical ones, stuff like boot-licking, spankings...

But you shouldn't want to stick to the stereotypes.  When you step into the dominant role, do NOT act in a way that's going to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  It'll throw off the entire scene and make it more intimidating and stressful for you than it needs to be... plus, it doesn't matter what the slave's turn on is... you are the one in charge.  It's about you and what gets your motor revved!

I recommend Akasha's "Good Girl's Guide to Dominance."  Or any of her nonfiction articles.  They are freaking incredible, and do a great job at demystifing what it means to REALLY be dominant and how to avoid being one of those super-ridiculous Mistress Mandy types straight out of a porno flick.  I credit her with opening my eyes and making me realize that being dominant isn't a super-cheesy, scary thing in the least bit... and now look at me go!  [:D]  Really, both of you could benefit from reading them together, as there's quite a few bits aimed at the men, too.





LadyLynx -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/1/2008 5:45:37 AM)

Start off slow.  Have one weekend, (or day/afernoon or whatever.) that he would be completely devoted to your whims. serving you food,cutting your meat, etc.  If he has been mostly reading/viewing porn and erotica, I suggest both of you look into sites that have real information, this site is a good place to start. Also, if your able to, check out your local kink community. **smiles** Welcome!



lusciouslips19 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/1/2008 5:58:33 AM)

Have you asked yourself if you really want to be a Domme? Just because he wants it does'nt mean its right for you and doing it just for him would make you a submissive anyway, which would mean you are'nt slave owning material.

Just make sure its what you want.



LunaticDesign -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/3/2008 3:49:23 PM)

There really is nothing "typical" or "normal" when you apply it to actual people. Everyone is diffrent. His deepest fantasy might be to be tied to the stove while it's on and have you throw tomatos at him. Everyone has their own desires and needs.

So, that being said here is my advice.

Start slow, It will be frustrating as hell because as you progress his and your desire for more intense things is going to build more rapidly than your experiance.

Push each other gently, Since you're both new at this then you really wouldn't have a firm grasp of how things actually feel. He may have dreamed that a flogger felt one way and it turns out he was wrong. Remember this is when fantasy is meeting reality be careful and remember that you care about each other.

Learn everything you can, find atricles online, buy books, attend a local munch/event and meet people to talk to. Remember there are nice wonderful people out there that would love nothing more than to share their experiances and there are sick fuckos out there. Be aware of this and don't be disapointed when they guy they call creepy Ed turns out to be be creepy.

Maintain communication, at the beginning stage of this relationship you and he need to keep a constant dialogue. He needs to know what you want and you need to know what he wants. Keep in mind that he is stepping outside of what is considered "normal" for men in society. Men are typically viewed by society as the Dominant ones and women are more typically viewed as the submissive ones. Keep in mind that there is nothing "typical" about an individual. He might clam up because he is embaressed by his own desires, or because he doesn't want to top from the bottom. something that has worked for me, when dealing with submissives that have a problem communicating, is to point out that they are yours, their mind is yours, and it is your right to demand it's full disclosure. Another tactic that has worked for me is to ask the question and make it clear that answering is command for obediance. (there are a few million other ways to get a submissive to communicate)

Lastly, use your imagination and don't be afraid to ask.



RedMagic1 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/3/2008 7:59:30 PM)

That was a great post, Lunatic.



CelticPrince -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/4/2008 5:53:58 AM)

quote:

So, how do I introduce new things and take control of him without pushing things to far and without freakin him out? I've always been exteremly comfortable with sex and for the first time in my life feel really odd not knowing what to do. So, if anyone can give me any advice it'd be great. Thanks so much for reading this. :) *hugs* Nancy



Peach,

I suggest that you make a go out of a dominant relationship prior to doing the slave relationship.

CP



MasterofScyn -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/4/2008 6:58:12 AM)

One thing that worked for me, in finding out what I wanted to try was to make a list. Hard limits, stuff that scares me but could be eased into or try at least once. And stuff I definatly want to try/do. Granted my list still needs a little work, but it could be a start for you. Have him make a list and both of you talk about it, might be good for you to make your own list too to see what you would want in a slave. Something along those lines. I just know that writing things down like that helps me alot, especially when I don't really know what I'm looking and can't put things into words I tend to just start writing a bunch of stuff down, mostly for ideas then go threw it later with Master.
Can't hurt to try it anyway.
 
 
Scyn ~



trueshadow -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/4/2008 4:51:15 PM)

Sounds like me when I was his age, though I never found a woman who would take control of me and own me.

I wonder, though, if you have to ask, are you dominant material?  I would guess that you could play at top/bottom, and that might be enough for you.

For some, though, the submission grows deeper and a 'real' slavery position is all that is satisfying.

I congratulate you for not running from him, and being open to his desires.  You seem very nice, and that's a good thing.



slavekal -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/4/2008 5:27:35 PM)

Good advices.  Stay in touch with what you want and you can't go wrong.  Although today Ms. Mlicious/Catwoman seems like a lifelong slave owner and blogger, when I first met her it was quite the chore to get her to face up to and admit what she really wanted.  I guess it's not always easy, but you will be glad you did.



nineofone -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/4/2008 9:26:59 PM)

I'd seek out another D thats been in the lifestyle for awhile. One that's sensitive to your situation and can either help you out in private, or with your man. Other than this, if he wants you to beat his ass, then BEAT HIS ASS!!!!!A good whoopin might help him decide if he REALLY wants this..



solvr70 -> RE: I need some advice, please. My bf wants to be a slave and I'm lost... (3/6/2008 12:19:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPeach82

No, we don't. But we talked about anal play and he is ok with fingering, but not with full blown anal sex.


so he says. trust me, this is not an easy interest to admit, although he has admitted a lot by coming to You with his interests in the first place.

just go slow. start with a smaller one, but have a few increasing size dildo's that fit into the harness handy. You'll be surprised as how quickly he becomes hooked on being Your b*tch that way. the vac-u-lock system is great as You can move up in size (I.E.-change toys) while leaving one inside him, and not needing to take the harness off while attaching the new one. makes for a quick and easy move to something just a little bit bigger...



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