pixelslave
Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hairslave
i'm still learning here. In reading many profiles and threads, I see a lot of dominate woman are not intreset in what the submail is intreseted or, into. I know that it's all about Her here,... and not about him, I understand that,...
While some women have a fantasy that it's all about her, that's not reality based. If it is all about her and your needs are never met, eventually your tank is going to run dry and you'll have nothing left to give her. Women who talk like that, often are without quality subs or have gone through a number of them in short periods of time. 
quote:
I just think it would be to her avantage to know what he ( the sub ) would be into doing for Her, and what his interested in. That being said, She can indulge for her self from he's intresets as She sees fit, adding Her wishes, wile denieing it of him as She sees fit. from all of what I take fromTotal Power Exchange is, he is making himself avalable to be Her's to use as She pleases right? Any interest on his part is for her to mold, shape and or,... use only how ever, She choses? right!?
Sex and fantises, now,... that is a nother subejict
It's to both the woman and the sub's advantage to get to know each other as people first. It's understood from the beginning that you're both here because you seek a D/s relationship. Focus your energies on getting to know the woman first and her getting to know you as well. If she shows no interest in getting to know you, how can she possibly learn your "buttons" to know how to dominate you? Similarly, she's not going be a woman who's going to care about you as a person. When you see that happening, I suggest you look elsewhere. 
You're right that it is a power exchange. Since it's an exchange, it means that I give you something, and you give me something in return. That's negotiable and because it's negotiable, every relationship is unique and different. It's entirely up to the two of you what that will look like. Unless you consider yourself a "slave", you'll want to avoid a woman who isn't willing to negotiate with you what your relationship will look like. The ability to negotiate with you also shows me she's flexible and not rigid in her ways. In my experience, as you're getting to that point, that's when you begin sharing your desires for the types of play you enjoy and vice-versa.
A power exchange is a two-way street. If both of you aren't getting your needs met, it's simply not going to work for long. No domme really wants an unhappy sub that isn't going to serve them with enthusiasm. You'll also find that although there may be something which isn't exactly their kink, they may choose to reward you with it for especially good service and because they want you to be happy as well by having your desires met. That's part of taking care of your partner and desiring to meet their needs. Thus, I'll repeat, it may appear as though it's all about her and some may try to live that fantasy, but the reality of life is that it's going to be about the "us" that the two of you are going to create. 
How you choose to have a relationship with a dominant woman is yours. I suggest you wait for one that's compatible with what you seek and you'll eventually find her. Remember, you don't have to serve any woman that will take you on just because you have a deep desire to serve. That's a recipe that will only set yourself up to be abused and taken advantage of. There are many loving Mistresses out there who seek submissive partners to share their lives with. They're real women with real needs and desires. Many wish to share their lives and the love within them with a man who'll serve them in an equitable power exchange. They're not the stereotypes so frequently seen in the media which you likely wouldn't want to experience for very long.
Hope this helps and I'm confident you'll receive different opinions on the subject. 
- pixel
< Message edited by pixelslave -- 3/1/2008 10:59:49 AM >
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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
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