RE: Asking permission (Full Version)

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SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 7:59:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Permission? I'm an adult; I have a proven track record of making good decisions in my life. I


It doesn't really have much to do with being an adult.  Some dominants prefer to exercise authority over their submissive by controlling certain behaviors which may/may not include asking permission to do certain things.



This is very true.

I will say that there is something very child-like in asking for candy though. It puts me in a different headspace. It isn't about whether or not I can control what I put in my mouth, because I eat very well, it is about creating that headspace.

Also there are many things I ask persmission for even though he never told me I had to because I want to

~Sinergy's strumpet~



Mercnbeth -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 8:13:00 AM)

things this slave isn't required to ask permission for is a much shorter list:
 
*to speak
 
*to (pleasantly) suprise Him
 
everything else requires permission.
(excluded from the above "everything", are functions such as sweating, thinking, heartbeats or breathing in and out...hopefully, you get the idea.[:)])



RCdc -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 8:34:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Just as in any relationship, vanilla or BDSM, each partner considers the need, feelings, and preferences of the other when making decisions. If I knew my partner preferred something that I really didn't, but it made no difference to me in the long run, then I would do it without question. Otherwise, there would be communication and negotiation.


Permission doesn't have anything to do with considering feelings or preferences (apart for the preference of permission).  It is a transfere of authority.

quote:

Permission? I'm an adult; I have a proven track record of making good decisions in my life. I am not a child to have to run everything by a parent or teacher before acting on it. If trust is in a relationship, then it must run in both directions.


Permission has nothing to do with being an adult.  Making good decisions in life rocks, however we are talking about an authority transfere here - even those with a boss oe a teacher ask authority sometimes and sometimes they do not.   Trust has absolutely nothing to do with asking permission.  Darcy trusts me and my judgement totally and it's a pretty big leap to suggest that permission has anything to do with trust.  Darcy knows me entirely and knows that I can be a whirlwind and permission helps keep me grounded.
 
the.dark.



DesFIP -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 8:57:36 AM)

There really isn't anything much. I can cut my hair, but not very short. Just to below shoulder length. Right now it's approaching the bottom of my back so that would mean a good 6". But as long as there's enough left for him to wrap his big fists in it, he's fine.

But after nearly five years, I know what he likes and what he doesn't.



meticulousgirl -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 9:55:43 AM)

i've had to ask permission to eat, to use the bathroom, to smoke, to masterbate, to wear a bra and or panties, to sleep, to get in bed, to speak, to orgasm, to wear something other than a skirt and a revealing top in public, to hang out with friends and family if i'm not going to be needed.  i'm sure there are many others that i've forgotten but they aren't M.S's rules they were my previous owners so all is good....

the only thing i ask permission for now is to speak, masterbate, and go hang out with friends and then of course the most important thing (asking permission to get in bed with Him). 

~meticulous~



Sub03 -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 9:58:20 AM)

I'll be the odd one out here, I have to ask permission for everyday things. A few examples:

to use the restroom
to eat/drink
if I want to drive a long distance
to orgasm
I dont have to ask permission to speak unless he has told me to be quite

along with the everyday stuff that I dont necassarily have to ask permission for but always ask for his input/advice anyway. 



xxblushesxx -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 10:57:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

There is only one thing of a nonsexual nature I have to ask for. I have to ask if I can have chocolate
~Sinergy's strumpet~


**HARD LIMIT**
Runs away trying to remember how to breathe..



topIrishsubm -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 11:32:54 AM)

I always need permission to orgasm, and in the presence of my Domme i need to ask when wanting to use the toilet. Everything else is allowed without a specific request, but i think when you get used to asking for the real basic things, like being allowed to pee, you generally ask for permission for most stuff. It does more to create a mind set than anything esle.



trusting -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 12:07:25 PM)

speaking to another Dominant/Domme without permission while collared is seen as disrespectful. would you want your Dominant to speak with other subs/slaves without your knowledge?



ownedgirlie -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 12:13:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Permission? I'm an adult; I have a proven track record of making good decisions in my life. I


It doesn't really have much to do with being an adult.  Some dominants prefer to exercise authority over their submissive by controlling certain behaviors which may/may not include asking permission to do certain things.



Thank you for pointing this out.  Since people mostly equate persmission with non-adulthood/lack of maturity, they do not relate to intelligent adults enjoying and thriving under such authority in relationships.  It is interesting that most of my "non-D/s" friends understand this more than I see on a D/s discussion board, but I think my non-D/s buds probably have more of an open mind to hearing about concepts they've never been a part of before.  That's not said as a criticism; more like, for example, a non-parent would be more receptive to others' parenting philosophies than one who is currently parenting in his/her own "correct" fashion.  I hope that made sense. 

That little tangent aside, I ask permission to deviate from certain protocols/rules when a need may arise.  I have always asked permission to go out with friends & family, although that is changing now.  He approves my weekly schedule.  He approves requests for trips/vacations.  He approves various medical treatments (he tends to be more aggressive toward treatment than I am).  I ask if I can change my hair color (the style remains within the parameters he set for me).  I ask about social drinking, if I might go above the standard approved limit on various special occasions.  Well, I ask about all sorts of things.  I asked permission about a couple of job opportunities.  I asked permission about my living arrangement.  In short, he makes all final decisions in my world.  Since I have learned how he thinks and how he would direct me, he has authorized me to decide on his behalf in some areas, while requiring me to report to him on such decisions.

I love how he runs me. Believe it or not, he has required me to think for myself and think more on my feet than I ever have.  Thinking for oneself is not just about making decisions for oneself.  Many of the big ticket items I ask about, I am required to also make recommendations about various options, their potential consequences, and why I recommend the decision that I do.  It is not simply a "Master May I?" / "Yes, you can, No you can't" scenario.  It is, at times, a collaborative effort with him in authority.  Then again sometimes it's a pure dictatorship, which is also cool.  :)



ownedgirlie -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 12:18:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitshy

Love the responses here. It has deffinitely given me some insight. But, I sort of read the situation perhaps a little differently. Perhaps this Dom was looking out for your best interests, so as not to get you in trouble for communicating with him?

shy


I interpreted it as that, too.  That he was trying to show respect for her Dom by recognizing her Dom might not want her jumping into email conversations with others.

I had a male dominant friend with whom I would converse via email and phone. When we first began talking on the phone, he asked if my Master knew we were and wanted to be sure it was OK with him.  I assured him I asked permission about the conversations in advance, and always told him about them.  It reassured my dominant friend that he wasn't inappropriately stepping into someone else's territory unbeknownst to him.  I figure when in doubt, err on the side of caution and respect.



OmegaG -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 1:42:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trusting

speaking to another Dominant/Domme without permission while collared is seen as disrespectful. would you want your Dominant to speak with other subs/slaves without your knowledge?


I had a conversation about how he wished me to proceed.  He said he trusts me enough to know that if I'm talking to someone it's for the conversation, not so I can build a relationship.  He also trusts me enough to shut down anyone who would be trying to create a relationship with me.

I know that he talks to many people that I know not the details to-- I trust that if it were significant to our relationship that he would tell me.



OmegaG -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 1:51:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitshy

Love the responses here. It has deffinitely given me some insight. But, I sort of read the situation perhaps a little differently. Perhaps this Dom was looking out for your best interests, so as not to get you in trouble for communicating with him?

shy


I interpreted it as that, too.  That he was trying to show respect for her Dom by recognizing her Dom might not want her jumping into email conversations with others.

I had a male dominant friend with whom I would converse via email and phone. When we first began talking on the phone, he asked if my Master knew we were and wanted to be sure it was OK with him.  I assured him I asked permission about the conversations in advance, and always told him about them.  It reassured my dominant friend that he wasn't inappropriately stepping into someone else's territory unbeknownst to him.  I figure when in doubt, err on the side of caution and respect.


it's all in the presentation though, to tell me to ask permission is presumptuous, but to ask if our conversation is appropriote is less likely to offend.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:00:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

it's all in the presentation though, to tell me to ask permission is presumptuous, but to ask if our conversation is appropriote is less likely to offend.


I understand your point and can see how offense would be taken.  I myself have been offended by someone's owner emailing me with a passive aggressive remark about what my Master would find appropriate, so I do see what you mean. 



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:10:29 PM)

I do have a serious question about permission.

What is it that makes some subs need permission? I have heard that it's about power exchange or authority exchange, but why is that so desirable? I know there are areas in my life where I need guidance, but I still wouldn't give anyone else that much power over my life. It is, after all, my life.

Am I missing something profound?

Or is this material for another thread?




Sunnyfey -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:12:00 PM)

I dont really ask Sir permission for anything unless we are sceneing or it directly effects him. Other then that as he said to me once "Big girl panties darlin. put your big girl panties on"



colouredin -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:17:45 PM)

why does anyone need anything? 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:21:34 PM)

fast reply

Daddy's permission is required if i want to meet and/or continue chatting with another dominant since He does reserve the right to pick and choose who's allowed to be with me.



TracyTaken -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:34:25 PM)

quote:

I was sent a mail on cm offering me advice but he said please dont respond unless you ask for permission from your Sir. I asked through his slave, and she said, "wow you have to ask permission for that" it got us talking about what you have to ask permission for.


So, you got an email offering advice.  It said not to respond unless you ask permission from Your Sir.  So you asked Your Sir's slave for permission and she said ... ?

Whatever.  So considering the question:

quote:

I asked through his slave, and she said, "wow you have to ask permission for that" it got us talking about what you have to ask permission for. She sees me as the font of all knowledge (which I am not) and wants me to list things in that sort of vain that you ask permission for, i was just wondering if anyone could help me out so i dont loose my crown :D


Just FYI:  It's "vein" as in blood, not "vain" as in arrogant. 

What's wrong with saying:  "I don't know what anyone might ask permission for? (since you couldn't possibly know), but I could tell you about my own relationship."?  And you could add that said person could ask for herself here or find info ______.  What's wrong with saying:  "I don't know."




colouredin -> RE: Asking permission (3/3/2008 2:48:30 PM)

Wow that certainly told me, initially I am sorry for the spelling mistake Its part and parcal of dyslexia and lazyness. Secondly I find that its quite interesting to see how other peoples dynamics work and I dont see that as a negative thing, it was just an interesting topic and I enjoy to put my questions into context. But thanks for the slapped wrist. I shant do it again. 



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