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Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 12:54:07 PM

plantlady64

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Hello All,
I was at my local Dungeon last Saturday with a Domme for my first and I hoped only scene where I was to be topped by a woman. I'm not even remotely Bi but my Master thought it would be an important lesson for me as I want to learn all I can in earnest this first year as a sub in the BDSM life I found last February.
Someone else was topping her pain slut guy sub. She was so distracted she couldn't get into the headspace to scene with me the way she wanted to. While I thought things went fine (as I had no preconceived notions) she felt very bad as she felt like her attentions were elsewhere. I was very shocked my Master is permitting her to scene with me again as she thinks she should have done better.
As this was the first time a Dom/Domme has ever felt bad about scenes with me I was a little shocked she'd disappointed herself so bad, I'm wondering if this happens often or if this indeed was unusual?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 1:08:18 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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It's not uncommon.

You have the show-pony top, who is so engrossed with the audience he has that he loses sight on the play itself.

And then there are a million things that could distract the top from being focused- lack of sleep, lack of food, life stresses, a fight you just had, maybe he's getting a fever, etc.

And there are the external things- unfortunately at the March LF&P we got into our scene JUST as the auction started going on in the next room which was quite loud and distracting. Or people could be crowding too close to your scene. Those are just things you have to roll with in public play.

However, in this particular case it would seem that the dominant should have recognized their lack of focus and simply not taken the chance to play. My life motto is "there's always another party." Better to just wait until a great opportunity comes along than to push for something disappointing. At least she felt bad and hopefully can make it up to you (it wasn't C & S was it? If so, we can talk more later).

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 3:30:00 PM

WickedKev

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It has happend to me while topping, and I stopped it. apoligised to the sub concerned making sure she understood it was me andnot her, I was just having a bad night. Though I have made it up to her since.

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 7:56:08 PM

Evanesce

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I'd have to say the Domme's mistake was in playing while someone else was playing with her sub. Some dominants feel it's important to keep an eye on their property when someone else is playing with them. Clearly, she's one of those dominants. It's not really all that unusual. My own Master won't play with someone else if He's handed me to another dominant for a scene, simply because He feels He needs to keep an eye on me. I feel the same way.

On the flip side... I was recently topping a guy I'd just met, and got NO reaction from him whatsoever. I mean, I was doing things to him that had other subs I've played with calling yellows and yelping in pain, and this guy just laid there on the spanking bench with a grin on his face. It was the single most boring scene I've ever done. Has anyone else ever had this experience?

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 8:18:32 PM

MissChicane

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I've got a high threshold for pain... so when I get spanked by my master, I usually just lie there with a little grin on my face... sometimes moan in pleasure. But! I never yelp or fire off the safewords... I think my man finds it amusing that I can take it... though he never goes brutal on my ass ;)

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 8:29:18 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
It was the single most boring scene I've ever done. Has anyone else ever had this experience?[/color]

Yes, did you talk about his normal scene behavior before playing? Was he just a stoic player? Some bottoms are trained to be like blocks of ice during scenes while somce are trained to be able to show their experiences. Did you stop in the scene to ask if he was ok or encourage him to express himself?

I can endure a lot of pain quietly and like a blank wall, or I can scream and cry- depending on the preference of the top. As a top myself I prefer the bottom to simply connect with me, which can be done quietly or otherwise. I don't need tears and jerks to know I'm WITH them.

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 9:14:50 PM

KnightofMists

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for me personally only one time have I been distracted within a scene... in that case... both my bottom and I became distracted at the same time. It was a public play party and someone used incense of a very strong smell... it knocked both of us on your asses so to speak... But as a rule... I am very much unaware what is occuring outside of my play space.. which is generally a 10 foot diameter from myself and the bottom. Depending on the toy I am using of course. But the smell of the incense was just something I and my bottom just could not get past at that time... we had to stop as result. I think next time it should happen... well the shock of it my not be there and least possibility of distraction. It was a good learning experience actually. Never thought of smell as aspect that I took in during my play... I have since discovered a interest in not only taking the sight, sounds and feel of play... but the smell as well. mmmmm and taste too *G* but then I always had that... I like to bite.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/22/2005 10:58:48 PM

TexasMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

On the flip side... I was recently topping a guy I'd just met, and got NO reaction from him whatsoever. I mean, I was doing things to him that had other subs I've played with calling yellows and yelping in pain, and this guy just laid there on the spanking bench with a grin on his face. It was the single most boring scene I've ever done. Has anyone else ever had this experience?

YES! Totally Quiet and completely passive subs don't necessarily bore Me but I get tired of checking My crystal ball to read their minds all the time... Give Me a good yelp, or a flinch, or a few tears anytime! ; )

Texas Maam

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/23/2005 12:10:07 AM

kezzo

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I have seen several occasions where the Dom/Domme says they have been distracted and not able to do a good job, only to allow themselves a second go at the sub/slave...... More so with Domme's than Dom's. Must be a womens thing .....lol..weg.

If they do such a bad job the first time why in this world allow them a second chance...... If the had respect for you and your master, the play would not start due to the knowledge that they could not perform on the night. I am constantly dissapointed in the quality of people, and there lack of respect and judgement.

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/23/2005 6:19:14 AM

plantlady64

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I'd have to say the Domme's mistake was in playing while someone else was playing with her sub. Some dominants feel it's important to keep an eye on their property when someone else is playing with them. Clearly, she's one of those dominants. It's not really all that unusual. My own Master won't play with someone else if He's handed me to another dominant for a scene, simply because He feels He needs to keep an eye on me. I feel the same way.

Hello There,
The more I thought about it, the more I agree with what you're saying here.
The scene her sub was in was the very most intense beating I've seen. Being I've only been in the scene since 2/05 I have never really seen serious pain pig play.
Her sub had said most women can't play at the level he likes so this Dom really turned up the volume for him . I wonder if his Mistress had ever seen him brutalized that severly before? I think her desire to protect him and pay attention to him overrode her desire to top me too.
I would like to say her sub had a blast, and enjoyed himself immensly, and was greatful for the attentions.

SIncerely,
sub suzanne

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/23/2005 6:28:13 AM

plantlady64

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quote:

It was a good learning experience actually. Never thought of smell as aspect that I took in during my play... I have since discovered a interest in not only taking the sight, sounds and feel of play... but the smell as well. mmmmm and taste too *G* but then I always had that... I like to bite.

Hello Sir Knight of Mists,
Again you dazzle me and stir things up in my mind.
One of my very hot things is scents. I have read information that says memories are more linked to smells than any other sense we possess. It's like if your Grandma only wore one cologne and is no longer with you. If you smell that scent in a store one day it's like your Grandma is right there with you in an instant. I think if a Dom sprays specific scents before a certain toy or act of play it would be a strong weapon to say spray that in the car one day.
I had a vanilla lover that was a lifeguard when I was younger. To this day if I smell banana boat tropical suntan lotion it make me wet and throbbing. I am a very scent oriented person and I'm glad I'm not the only one who'd like to use it in play.
Sincerely Impressed,
sub suzanne

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/23/2005 4:56:34 PM

WickedKev

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Joined: 11/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I'd have to say the Domme's mistake was in playing while someone else was playing with her sub. Some dominants feel it's important to keep an eye on their property when someone else is playing with them. Clearly, she's one of those dominants. It's not really all that unusual. My own Master won't play with someone else if He's handed me to another dominant for a scene, simply because He feels He needs to keep an eye on me. I feel the same way.

On the flip side... I was recently topping a guy I'd just met, and got NO reaction from him whatsoever. I mean, I was doing things to him that had other subs I've played with calling yellows and yelping in pain, and this guy just laid there on the spanking bench with a grin on his face. It was the single most boring scene I've ever done. Has anyone else ever had this experience?

Have to say that is a good rule, I never play if my slave is playing in with someone else.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 9/23/2005 6:18:24 PM >

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RE: Ever had a Dom so distracted they couldn't play well? - 9/23/2005 6:44:29 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
It was the single most boring scene I've ever done. Has anyone else ever had this experience?

Yes, did you talk about his normal scene behavior before playing? Was he just a stoic player? Some bottoms are trained to be like blocks of ice during scenes while somce are trained to be able to show their experiences. Did you stop in the scene to ask if he was ok or encourage him to express himself?

Yeah, I checked on him a number of times... simply because he was so COMPLETELY motionless, I wanted to make sure He was still aware and breathing! Now I understand why the FemDom who introduced us said something about getting tired and suggested that I help her co-top the guy sometime!

I'm a quiet bottom, too, but not so quiet that when someone nails me a good one I'm not going to react to it at all! Even if it's just a sharp intake of air, He's gonna know I felt it!

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