RE: Shouldn't it go both ways?

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (Full Version)

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greenearth21 -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 8:07:44 PM)
WOW...I guess there really are some sick (demented/pathetic/confused, ....continue the list) people out there. My rule (yes, as a sub) is if you request somethign that I dont feel comfortable and you dont honor it, you are out. If i give in, you should give in as well, because I'm not taking a risk and helping some lowlife get off on the other side of the country while i'm making myself vulnerable. Hey we may as well take a risk together. And i'm sure that i've missed out on a few nice people who were just overly cautious but were sincere. But I still would have no problem if i missed out because I wasnt too comfortable and they didnt perceive me to be "real".

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 8:10:16 PM)
I don't cam, and unless I'm pretty comfortable and chatty with a person, enough to take them to the bathroom with me when I pee, they don't get my phone number. If they do get my number, I get theirs, along with full name and approximate location. If they entrust me with information, then I share with them. If they are too 'cautious' to share pictures, a phone number, or any other god damn thing, then they can shove along. If they don't trust in me, why would I trust in them?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 8:10:53 PM)
Hijack-- beargonewild: you're INSANE already and you just joined last May??? I think you've topped Level as the Alex Rodriguez of the Collarme forums. quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild It's not until I get to know a person quite well before I even mention I do own a cam. Even then, I specifically state that I rarely use it, and when I do there will be no crotch shots or cybering. If they don't respect that then I don't bother communicating with that person anymore.

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 10:33:34 PM)
An interesting, if not totally unexpected twist... today his account no longer exists. Thanks everyone for your input. Just when I think I've gotten the 'lay of the land' I realize I've still got plenty to learn and my instincts/choices don't always serve me well.

Leatherist -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 11:05:47 PM)
It takes time to see if someone is compatable with you, or a nut job. I prefer to take my time in an anonymous way at first. Being stalked by someone having a hissy fit over being rejected is never fun.

twistedwillow -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 11:05:47 PM)
When I get told I'm not a fem, my pics are fake, I'm ugly thats why I won't go on cam etc ... I simply agree with them, 'Yes indeed, you are so right, I'm not a fem\pretty\real pics' I know what I am and am not, and I don't give a flying fornication what others, particularly online! of all places think of me. I also have a no cam? no cam! rule, if they don't have one I won't put mine on, not that it really makes that much difference I hate going on cam, slobbering stranger on the other end telling me how hot i am ... bluch[:'(] Not my cuppa tea at all. What most of the others have said I would agree with, the whole at work thing is a red flag, more like he is married and was hoping for some wank material while wifey is away visiting sick Aunty Maude for the week. And he dosn't want to have to deal with you ringing and the missus answering the phone a week or 2 weeks from now.

HizBabyGirl -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/3/2008 11:41:32 PM)
I am with you 100 percent. I got an email "hello". thats it, just hello. Profile, same blank slate. Why write, I have never claimed to be a mind reader. Go away if you can't communicate is what I think of this shorthand writers.

marieToo -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 1:08:44 AM)
I had a similar situation recently with a guy who, after a very brief email exchange demanded my photo without sharing his, in order to prove "my trust for him". When I turned him down, I was accused of not being real. Turns out he was married. I prefer to talk with someone a few times in email, then if I determine we have something in common, I offer my photo, IF he hasn't demanded it of me, and if I've either seen his on his profile, or he's sent me one or two in reciprocation. After that, I have no problem sharing my outside chat name so that I can continue to get to know him better. If the talking has gone well and I'm still interested, I'll call someone or let them call me, usually I use my cell at first, then use my house number if my instincts tell me the guy isn't a psycho. If after a reasonable period of time, and after having met them, they still are withholding information like their last name, town they live in, or their profession, it usually means that they're fucking around behind a spouse's back or they are trying to protect their career. Either way, it's something that's eventually going to corrupt the entire relationship, because if you don't have trust and honesty, you don't have anything real, as far as I'm concerned. If you can't trust the person that you're cultivating a relationship with, then you're operating under complete dysfunction and you have no business even being there. And if you can't gradually and mutally begin to trust a person that you're getting to know, you're either paranoid or planning to be dishonorable. Non-trustworthy people never trust the person they plan to fuck over. So I would take this as a red flag. Everyone takes some risk in this, no matter where you connect; ie online, at a munch, at a bar, whatever, but at some point you have to take a chance. If there's something in your life that keeps you from taking that chance, then you have a choice to make. Either run with the big dogs and take the same risk as everyone else, or don't leave the porch. I don't believe in one-way trust, not even in a relationship that may be based on inequality such as Ds. Fortunately, the only worry I have is whether or not the person feels safe to me. I don't have a fancy career to protect nor do I have a vanilla spouse I'm cheating on, and my family already knows I'm sick and twisted, so I really don't have to worry about being outted. It's nice to have the freedom to live on your own terms. But unfortunately, bdsm can ruin a career or a marriage. And living one's entire life as a fraud constantly looking over one's shoulder must be a pretty high price to pay to get your kink on. I can almost sympathize with it, but expecting others to accomodate that is utter bullshit.

MissLily -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 4:54:18 AM)
OMG!!!! you gave him you phone number?????? Along with pics, and everything else???? To someone you'd had only a few emails???? NONONONO! Next time this happens, PLEASE tell him to FUCK OFF!!!!!!! He tells you you might be a fake and he gives you only two pics of himself? who says he's not the fake? I get the conservative life excuse all the time and the only way to answer to this is with fuck off. I mean being carefull is normal. I don't give pics, I don't go on cam and don't give personal info to new contacts, to protect Myself. There's a lot of nutters out there. But when I do give such details and it's not reciprocated, then I flush him. Please don't be so imprudent in the future. You owe NOTHING to strangers!!! Especially those who a full of excuses and ask you to do things they are not whilling to do themselves... Miss Lily

AMaster -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 11:07:15 AM)
I agree with you, sapphire. Fair is fair. Some on here seem to misunderstand the concept of sharing.

cloudboy -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 1:48:34 PM)
For fucksake, he's bearing down on LA, FAST.

kittinSol -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 1:51:27 PM)
Hijack2: quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Hijack-- beargonewild: you're INSANE already and you just joined last May??? Isn't it just sickening? I'm green with envy.

AtlantisKing111 -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 9:50:36 PM)
I've not had a similar situation, but I'd say that yes, trust has to go both ways. Obviously with my picture on my profile, they have a pic of me (if they so desire) even before they contact me so that's a moot point. However I exchange collarme emails and/or engage in yahoo chats for a little time before I EVER risk exchanging phone numbers or meeting in person.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/4/2008 9:51:20 PM)
No, actually you're just deranged. quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol Hijack2: quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Hijack-- beargonewild: you're INSANE already and you just joined last May??? Isn't it just sickening? I'm green with envy.

Justme696 -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/5/2008 2:35:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Just an FYI, you can get the same with a cell phone......... if you know how and many do. Maybe if they have a friend in law enforcement. I've seen websites claim they can trace addresses to cell phone numbers, but I've tried typing my own number in and nothing ever comes up. Last summer, I worked as an information operator. Many customers called in and asked me for names and/or addresses from cell phone numbers. Nothing ever came up. I'm pretty confident that people can't be tracked down through wireless numbers. overhere we can. If you once gave away your phone number away to a company (and didn't read the small letters) then you can end in a nice archive..used for advertising..which includes.."phonenumber to personal info" websites.

wideeyedgirl -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/5/2008 7:35:01 AM)
fast reply Yes it should go both ways. I prefer to talk on yahoo, I dont like disjointed time lapsed emails on CM, so that happens usually pretty quick, many times I will even request that. Phone...takes a few conversations online first. And only if I am comfortable, and then I call usually - and block my number, or just call from my cell. Photos..I have a few posted. I prefer at least two from a person, and if it looks suspect...I will sometimes request more. Cam? I dont even say I have one. If asked directly I tell the truth - that i need to feel comfortable with a person first. If after a phone convo or two this are going well, Cam happens, but i am very clear it is G rated vanilla only. at all times and will never be anything else. So i know it sounds kinda demanding..but ive had my privacy violated before. Gave a home phone number and then that person was calling at all hours, identifying himself as "Master X" to my then very vanilla boyfriend. <cringe> Ive also had a vanilla person met on Match.com show up outside where I worked at midnight (I mentioned the city and what resturant i worked at. and that was the only one of that chain in the city. opps.) So.......everyone needs to be concerned for their own safety. Theres alot of charming people out there..dont fall too hard into a trap. To the OP...he just sounds married. very married. and looking to get laid (the blank profile speaks volumes. Means you dont have to say what you want. You can tailor whatever you see to the girl you are trying to get into the cuffs/bed. (gosh that does sound cynical <cringe>)

PrimeVector -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/5/2008 9:25:49 AM)
[>:] No no no... don't go any farther... RED-FLAG CITY here... a "blank profile" and no pic at all show right from the beginning that this person is not willing to make a statement as to what they are looking for... it enables them to customize their chat to what they think the other person WANTS to hear... sort of like when politicians slavishly follow "opinion polls", rather than actually sometimes making HARD CHOICES based upon their previously stated positions and inner CONVICTIONS. So again: NO! Don't waste any more of your time. [:@]

SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/5/2008 12:13:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrimeVector [>:] No no no... don't go any farther... RED-FLAG CITY here... a "blank profile" and no pic at all show right from the beginning that this person is not willing to make a statement as to what they are looking for... it enables them to customize their chat to what they think the other person WANTS to hear... sort of like when politicians slavishly follow "opinion polls", rather than actually sometimes making HARD CHOICES based upon their previously stated positions and inner CONVICTIONS. So again: NO! Don't waste any more of your time. [:@] Excellent advice! I remember my first stumbling attempts to engage someone who emailed me - someone who had a skimpy profile. Whatever I said I was looking for, he said, "Me, too." Now, after the lengthy period of two and a half months, I have learned to be very wary of those who don't represent themselves clearly in their profile.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/5/2008 12:21:02 PM)
I've always been patient with people, in terms of going voice and with seeing them on webcam if at all. Generally, I tend to want to move things from email into Yahoo IM. Basically, I simply prefer interactive conversation compared to many back and forth emails. I have had a few experiences where I had great IM exchanges with somebody for a few weeks, and wanted to go voice or see them on Cam or even see more pictures. I even tossed my phone number out at them after a few weeks. Basically, being the one taking the so called risks. Even suggesting that they could user Caller ID block if they did not want me to know their number and etc... I think it should a mutual progression....

StormsSlave -> RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? (3/6/2008 3:15:22 AM)
I have created a yahoo email and IM profile just for collarme conversations. I never give out my main email, or my Yahoo IM. I also have SOLID personal rules when it comes to online relationships. 1. While I don't mind sharing pics, only if they send theirs first, and slightly revealing (like my profile pic) is the sexiest they are going to get. I have 2 UM's out there in the world, and they don't need to hear from a friend at school that they saw their mom on the net last night. 2. No phone conversations, either way, until I feel comfortable sharing my "troubles" with them. This could mean 8-10 chat sessions. I'm a very private person, and unless I trust them enough to tell them my life's troubles, I don't trust them with my phone number. 3. I make it clear up front that I'm not into cybering and that I'm not their slave, so this will not be a sexual release for them. Actually, I've gotten quite bitchy about this part, since usually, no more than 10 exchanges into a conversation, they try to turn the conversation to a sexual nature. I will usually give them one warning, then close the window and hit ignore. My profile is clear on what I am (or am not, actually) looking for, so there shouldn't be too much confusion. So, you made a mistake. It probably stung your pride, and I'm sure you feel like an idiot. I know when I've made some mistakes like this in the past, I did. This is how I formulated my rules. Learn from what you did, and it's at least not a complete waste of your time and energy, and be thankful that it didn't get worse. You didn't give out credit card info, etc...I've seen people do it. Take care, and hang in there.

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