Choosing the ONE

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Choosing the ONE

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Choosing the ONE

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 9:14:49 AM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

About a two or three weeks ago my Master released me from my our dynamic. We were together 3 months. He said he believed he didn't have the time to properly train me or give me the attention I need. I can fess up and say that I was a brat in the end. Our lives got so busy there was no Us there was constant missed calls, missed dates, missed time, miss everything. We never connected and when we did it was constant arguments. No matter what we tried we always seemed to be unhappy in some way. Things got better and then life would smack the hell out of us.

For the time we have been apart I've been somewhat numb, but I have had friends help me through this. One friend in particular who is like my other half. He knows what I'm thinking when I am thinking it. We laugh at the same things. He gets me understands me. He is also a Dom.

My ex-Master was very strict and we had lots of things in common but we never had time to explore because of our lives.
My friend isn't as strict and since we are friends we are more connected.

A few days ago my ex-Master called me and told me he loved me and that he had made a mistake. He wanted me back and he assured me he loved me, wanted me, desired me as his slave again. He promised things would be better.

I was shocked because he's never sounded like that before and now I find myself torn between the man that makes me melt and makes me submissive no matter where I am and the man that its like my best friend and makes me feel like me.....and completely whole.

How would you choose?

< Message edited by clearlightblack -- 3/3/2008 9:19:19 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 9:21:55 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You know how you talked about how no matter how you tried, it never felt right?
That's because it never was.
When it's right, it's easy (most of the time), and when it isn't, you work together for your relationship.
You don't feel that you're the only one trying or that you're trapped...
You know where your heart is leading you.
Don't be led by other...body parts...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 2

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 9:23:05 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

What do you want? do you want to melt and feel submissive or do you want to have your best friend who makes you whole? only you can choose that

What I would say is make sure that the same problems arent going to be there if you go back, you said yourself that you became bratty which therefore mitigates the makes you feel submissive aspect

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 3

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 9:29:35 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

maybe the third option is waiting for the one who will make you melt and feel submissive and be your best friend all at the same time.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 4

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 9:41:34 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

personally, this slave would opt for the third choice---none of the above, until after such time has passed that you can figure out how you aren't going to stumble down this path, again:

quote:

...Our lives got so busy there was no Us there was constant missed calls, missed dates, missed time, miss everything. We never connected and when we did it was constant arguments. No matter what we tried we always seemed to be unhappy in some way...

this slave isn't a proponent of jumping from one relationship to another, or back to the one that ran it's course and ended, as a compromise that merely fills the vacuum where melty, submissive feelings used to be.

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 5

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 10:05:23 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I wouldn't choose either. I would take time to clear my head and figure out what I wanted before jumping into another relationship. Sometimes people just aren't compatible not matter how much they want each other.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 6

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 10:07:07 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

What have your past relationships been like? Have you always been more attracted to men that were a challenge? Many people thrive on challenge, so it's easy to confuse love with desperation. I think you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you go for the friend who is a Dom.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 7

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 10:18:35 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

My rule of thumb ... this lifestyle may not be easy .. but it should be fun overall and if not .. then its not the right partner

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 10:41:13 AM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What have your past relationships been like? Have you always been more attracted to men that were a challenge? Many people thrive on challenge, so it's easy to confuse love with desperation. I think you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you go for the friend who is a Dom.

To be honest I've always been in relationships where I was the fixer ......wasn't necessarily a challenge, I just took care of him, our relationship. I was the sound of reason. i've never dated anyone who really challenged me---and i mean me....my thoughts, my feelings. (I am very political minded and my ex-Master and I sat on different sides of the fence. During our special times when I was allowed to raise my voice we had very heated debates.) But that is all.

He engaged me. He brought out the darker side in my otherwise Catholic girl world. He says I am different from any slave has ever had, though lately my actions during my fight to decide whether i wanted to leave or not reminded him of previous slaves.

Sometimes I feel like he is a good experience but not maybe not forever.......but i want to give us a proper chance and i doubt my friend would go for that......and i understand he has the right to pursue a relationship that is good for him.....find the slave that he deserves......

with my ex Master i find myself asking why when he asks me to do something......with my friend I just do it.......no questions asked....

Today I had a conversation with my ex-Master and it is the first time I have ever been loud with him. Literally yelling and he said nothing about my tone. i felt like he actually listened to me, but he wants me to drop it and come back.

He asked me if I was going to keep punishing him for never having time for me.......i wanted to answer yes.....because I got to spend most of our relationship alone and dissappointed getting a call a week after the fact saying "oh yeah forgot about that.....something or someone else was more important"

No longer feeling like a slave......just lied to...

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 10:55:20 AM

trusting

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline

i know the numb feeling you felt all too well... it is tough to let go at times, especially in this type of relationship.

it seems odd that He would have released you only to call and profess His 'love' for you. if it were 'love', would He have been so stubborn in not allowing the two of you grow as time permitted?

seems He was seeking something else and it fell through... now He is back to you once more, let it go! He made the decision, let Him deal with His loss.

_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 10

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 11:06:40 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Being a fixer is a challenge. This Dom finding time to spend with you is a challenge. If this Dom didn't have enough time for you then, why does he suddenly have time for you now? He sounds like the type that wants what he doesn't have. Even if he does spend more time with you for a short time, things will soon be back to the way they were before. Then you will be sitting there wishing you had chosen the other guy and he will no longer be available.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 11

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 11:23:51 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Get back with your old Master. If you have to take time to decide then you need more sense beat into you.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 3:43:43 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think you should take a step back from both of them think it through and see where your heart lies. We cannot really answer this for you, you have to find your answer within your heart. Good luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:19:03 PM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

i know you can't answer this for me, but every shred of advice does help.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 14

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:30:07 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

I think you should take a step back from both of them think it through and see where your heart lies. We cannot really answer this for you, you have to find your answer within your heart. Good luck.

Matt's littleone

I disagree. Following your heart without using your brain is a one way ticket to heartbreak.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 3/3/2008 4:31:24 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 15

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:31:44 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i, personally, would choose the man who was in the here and now, that had time for a relationship and didn't have to promise to change anything in order to make things work.

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 16

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:35:09 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I agree. Plus it would avoid alot of unnecessary drama.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 17

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:46:24 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like your best friend is quite a catch. A real Master does not need to demand anything from you. I know in the Military when My Sir gave orders to someone he would say,"would you please ___________?" It was if the request was not followed that a more stern way would be used. A Good Master doesnt force you to bend to his will. he inspires you to want to bend. So who has the real control and strength of character?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 4:54:18 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

Tell them that you will serve them both for a time, and the best man wins the "slave."

Three months is nothing, BTW. You've known the other Dom for an even shorter period of time. Maybe the smartest thing to do would be to give yourself more time, and base your choices on vanilla criteria instead of kink. I am, of course, assuming you want a relationship and not a sex buddy.

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 19

RE: Choosing the ONE - 3/3/2008 5:22:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Ask yourself if you would advise someone to stay on this roller coaster? Ask yourself exactly what has changed to prevent the exact same result occuring?

It doesn't sound like you're stable enough to really build any solid foundation with anyone yet.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Choosing the ONE

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.098