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Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:05:50 PM   
WelshGuyUk


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		    Not sure if it's just me (though it usually is). When i read profiles of inexperienced female subs. They usually 80% of the time request for well experienced Dom's of much older age... firstly i think they think Age = experience. I don't technically agree to this at all....but it got me thinking, do female submissives expect the doms they end up with to be a pro from the word go.

I rarely see a profile which says they want to find a male of equal experience to learn together, which I would think would make twice more sense in the long run as you can shape your activity to suit each other perfectly.

Just wondered do female submissves expect Dom's to always know everything and have experience in everything.. i can understand the safety aspect of things...but not much else. =/

(I'm new to the forums by the way! Hello All!)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:14:19 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I would say that it makes sense for an inexperianced sub to crave and experianced Dom or else you are both stumbling in the dark. Of course many do this, and this often originates from a nilla relationship. If the person has identified themselves as submissive then they would like to be with someone with experiance to introduce them safely. No age doesnt = experiance but because D/s has got safty issues experiance is a factor I know that I wouldnt have felt overly comfortable with a complete newbie at the beginning, this isnt meant offensivly its simply that sometimes you need a bit of guidance. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
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RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:23:52 PM   
WelshGuyUk


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		I see your point, and that was the thought in my mind, but surely they creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms(mostly male doms) to get any practice in?

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:26:09 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a switch, and I prefer that the person I am playing has had some experience,(and depending what the scene is.) And like most people maybe it stems from long held fantasy.......sexy professor, or boss, maybe who had/has a stern,commanding voice....... hmmm. many possibilities. I don't suppose there is a local bdsm community you could check out? if not, you could try contacting another Dom that lives close to you, strike up a friendship, maybe you could learn some things.  Good Luck!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:31:04 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		why dont you want an EXPERIANCED sub? they may be willing to show you the ropes? or as LL said finding a Dom who is willing to take you under his wing 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
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RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:31:37 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk

I see your point, and that was the thought in my mind, but surely they creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms(mostly male doms) to get any practice in?


And how is that our problem?  Seriously.  If someone is going to take a flail to my ass and it's the very first time they have ever wielded one, I want it to be with a teacher standing right next to them.  Okay, and I want it to be AFTER they've gone a few rounds with the demo model.

So... you get your practice in by taking classes from those who have experience. You do your homework. You beat on fenceposts. Whatever.  If you find a newbie who doesn't mind you practicing on her, then great. If not, don't be surprised.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
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RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:34:54 PM   
WelshGuyUk


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk

I see your point, and that was the thought in my mind, but surely they creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms(mostly male doms) to get any practice in?


And how is that our problem? 



I don't recall saying this was a problem for any one? Not sure where you got that impression from. I just wanted to know how to start as such, and have been given some helpful answers thanks.

< Message edited by WelshGuyUk -- 3/3/2008 3:35:21 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:39:02 PM   
Sirandlil1


Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		When i joined the scene it was as an inexperienced sub.  I would not say that its a matter of wanting someone older but experience is important when you don't know your limits and your Dom does not know how to set them.  There are plenty of switches and experienced subs who enjoy new doms.  As for growing together, my Sir is very experienced and yet we've tried things new to him and not only expanded my limits but broadened his knowledge as well.  If you don't grow together, experience doesn't matter. That which does not grow can only wither and die.

lil 1{J}

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A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:40:44 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		You said "surely they (sic) creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms"... sure sounds like you're saying that's a problem. 

How to start?  It is always best to start at the beginning (thank you, Glynda the Good Witch of the North). How do you learn something new? Research. Classes. Homework. Those who came before you.

Do you often learn how to do something from someone equally as fresh and new as yourself? Occasionally yes; usually no.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 3:52:44 PM   
WelshGuyUk


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You said "surely they (sic) creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms"... sure sounds like you're saying that's a problem. 

How to start?  It is always best to start at the beginning (thank you, Glynda the Good Witch of the North). How do you learn something new? Research. Classes. Homework. Those who came before you.

Do you often learn how to do something from someone equally as fresh and new as yourself? Occasionally yes; usually no.

Cali



Oh, well i can see where you think i was pointing the finger, my apologise i should have put "surely that can create a problem" but i can see how it looked like it was aimed at some one which was not my intention.
I have done alot of reading on the internet for 3 years....and have been told by alot that it just won't compare to first hand experience so was brought to this site to check out and a few others and a mIRC channel to get talking to people.

I want to do a munch eventually in my area just seems a scary thought to do at the moment unless I can find a person in my area to go with that is also in to it!  lol!

< Message edited by WelshGuyUk -- 3/3/2008 3:53:29 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:03:53 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk

I see your point, and that was the thought in my mind, but surely they creates a more increasingly difficult gap for new doms(mostly male doms) to get any practice in?



As a younger Dom you could pursue an older sub.  Someone with some experience who might be able to put up with your lack of it.

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:04:59 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk

I want to do a munch eventually in my area just seems a scary thought to do at the moment unless I can find a person in my area to go with that is also in to it!  lol!


Lucky wales isnt totally devoid of kink then isnt it :P


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:09:12 PM   
WelshGuyUk


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk

I want to do a munch eventually in my area just seems a scary thought to do at the moment unless I can find a person in my area to go with that is also in to it!  lol!


Lucky wales isnt totally devoid of kink then isnt it :P



LOL lucky I live in the capital city.. not much going on in the north from when I did some searching!

Nineveh - did not know that were possible topping from the bottom thats a new one to me! Shall have to look into that could be just what I need! Thanks !

< Message edited by WelshGuyUk -- 3/3/2008 4:10:00 PM >

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:13:43 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Well we all gots to start somewhere, As long as you are honest about your experaince you stand a good chance of finding someone willing to help you out

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:17:10 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WelshGuyUk
I have done alot of reading on the internet for 3 years....and have been told by alot that it just won't compare to first hand experience so was brought to this site to check out and a few others and a mIRC channel to get talking to people.

I want to do a munch eventually in my area just seems a scary thought to do at the moment unless I can find a person in my area to go with that is also in to it!  lol!


FWIW, I think 'they' are right - nothing compares to first-hand experience.  I started as an inexperienced sub at 41, so I gravitated towards older men naturally, as that is my personal preference.  Some of those Doms I chatted with had some experience; others not so much.  I found myself feeling much safer and more secure with a man with experience.  Beyond the ability to wield a lovely flogger, my Master understands things like the feelings which may come out during a scene, which is very important to me.  Often he knows what's going on inside my head before I share it with him, and yes, this came from his experience.  I have this desire to be led and guided by him, which I wouldn't be able to feel if both myself and my dominant were feeling our way together. 

Good luck getting to the munch! 

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 4:17:40 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		No harm, no foul Welshdude.  I've been told I might be wound a little too tightly today, so my apologies.

If you go to a munch with someone you already know, then of course you will have someone to talk to... that you already know.  Be brave!  Go alone!  Walk up to the first person that looks like they belong there and say, "Hi! I'm Welshdude and I'm new here."  What's the very worst that can happen??  You waste 90 minutes and no one talks to you.  What's the best that can happen? You meet new people, make new friends, get invited to stuff, find out when classes are, etc.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 5:16:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The answer really is yes, especially when you're dealing with newbies- they expect doms to be unfaltering, perfect, always dominant in the way that makes them excited and permissive in the way they want to be permissive no reality need apply thank you.

Eventually they learn better, or they drop out.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 5:40:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Get the safety training. Make friends who will let you practice service topping on them, after you've taken the workshops. Stop fixating on inexperienced subs and consider ones with more experience.

Learn what you need to learn so you aren't so insecure. Because insecurity isn't a turn on.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 5:56:51 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Sub women literally taught me everything I know.  All of them were more sexually experienced.  Come to think of it, my vanilla partners all were too -- back when I dated vanilla.  My sense of confidence doesn't come from my ability in bed.  Some women have found me attractive for other reasons, and helped me develop skills so I could please them (and myself) better.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Over expectations? - 3/3/2008 6:19:59 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Generally, when they say 'I want someone experienced.'  They mean, 'I want someone confident, who doesn't need my direction or approval.'  Experience tends to build confidence, true.  But there is such a thing as faking it until you mean it.  The vast majority of BDSM doesn't require that much experience.  Creativity and common sense can take you further than years of experience.

Never start off an introduction with, 'I've never done this before and have no idea what to do, but gosh, you're pretty.  Submit to me?'  You know what I mean...your inexperience is NOT a big deal unless you make it a big deal.  It's really unattractive to me when a man talks about his experience or inexperience up front.  I'd rather hear about his ideas, his dreams, his fantasies, his expectations, etc etc.




_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to WelshGuyUk)
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