RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (Full Version)

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KindLadyGrey -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 12:24:48 AM)

I'm not so sure about drama, but I have noticed that male subs tend to be more sensitive than their vanilla counterparts. This makes sense, considering their honest desire to be vulnerable. They get more upset when you are upset, generally speaking. The ones who haven't learned how to handle their emotions like adults can do all kinds of bizarre things until they do.

You want drama? Try a female sub. HOLY CRAP THE DRAMA. I love me some boobies, but there is a damn good reason I play with the boys.

(Yes, these are generalizations and I realize there are exceptions.)



MzMia -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 4:48:59 AM)

....are some submissive's "drama queens?"
 
Oh no!

[sm=biggrin.gif]



chezzy52 -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 5:06:44 AM)

I wonder if stage clothes would become acceptable with the drama??..LOL



petdave -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 6:08:00 AM)

Sometimes dramatic? Hell, almost everyone rides the drama llama sometimes. Particularly since "drama" is subjective... as you can see from the other responses, what seems to a Woman to be an over-reaction to penis failure may seem reasonable to a male!




Lashra -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:11:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

it comes across as more "traumatic" than "dramatic" to me.  but i can only take your word for the over-acting, i'm up for emotions in all degrees, but melodrama is so taxing of peoples tolerance and patience.

comsidering how understanding you seem to be, he should be quite grateful for that, but i can understand how it would be a heavy blow for anyone to take. 

when i "feel like a failure" i may not head to the bathroom, but i'd probably wish to be somewhere my presence would go unnoticed, if for no other reason than to compose myself.


You could be right about the traumatic feelings. I try very hard to be patient and understanding with people. I'm a logical person and sometimes when people react emotionally it throws me for a loop. I just don't know what to say or how to act to comfort them. In the past when this happened I've tried holding him and talking about it logically which only seemed to make him more emotional.

But there is one thing I do know, he IS an attention whore and admits it. When he does this I ignore him or tell him to stop acting like a two year old. He has been punished for it in the past, because I just can't stand a drama queen. He is a lot better now than he used to be.

Thanks for the input!

~Lashra





Lashra -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:13:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Same shit with a lot of female subs I have dated.

Little attention whores.

I have heard this many times, even my sub who used to be a Master has said this same thing. I guess being an attention whore is like most things, it doesn't matter what gender a person is its just a part of who they are.

~Lashra



Lashra -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:17:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I didn't read the responses Lashra, but honestly I think this type of drama that you used as an example is incredibly difficult for men to grow to accept.  It has nothing to do with role, I haven't met a man yet that didn't turn a performance issue into a huge deal because it is for them.  I don't know if he has drama issues with other things, but this one I really think he probably needs understanding and time to accept that he is going to suffer decrease in sexual performance with age.

edited for spelling...ok yeah decease wasn't the word I was looking for thanks sea!

You are correct, in fact I spoke to him about growing older and how most men suffer from ED. He is in big time denial right now that it cannot happen to him. I'm bracing myself for more outbursts and preparing by reading up on the subject of men and aging. I like to be prepared and hopefully I can help him while he goes through this, just as I hope he helps me whenever I go through menopause.

~Lashra



Lashra -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:22:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I'm not so sure about drama, but I have noticed that male subs tend to be more sensitive than their vanilla counterparts. This makes sense, considering their honest desire to be vulnerable. They get more upset when you are upset, generally speaking. The ones who haven't learned how to handle their emotions like adults can do all kinds of bizarre things until they do.

You want drama? Try a female sub. HOLY CRAP THE DRAMA. I love me some boobies, but there is a damn good reason I play with the boys.

(Yes, these are generalizations and I realize there are exceptions.)

Heh KindLadyGrey I have yet to have a female sub, but I have interviewed three to be exact. All three showed me drama queen traits, jealousy, and envy even before we met face to face. I love boobies too but I'm not sure I could handle two drama queens.

~Lashra



AtlantaMistress -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:40:38 AM)

There is a lot of pressure on a man to perform, but there are PLENTY of other ways he can please you (sexually) without an erection. If my boy had done that sulking - that would have not made me happy - not the limp dick! I have had the shoe on the other foot so to speak, where my mind is somewhere and I can't climax...regardless of how patient he will be - he feels bad when that happens, like he couldn't please me. I just assure him it was not him, and that he was such a good boy for trying so hard.

I do think that submissive men can be more in touch with their emotions, but drama does not have to be a part of that. I simply do not tolerate drama. If something is bothering either one of us, we can talk about it like mature adults. My boy knows after we have talked what I expect from him, and if it is an issue he is bothered by, he will trust that I will make a decision that protects our relationship. he will never come to me with a problem without a possible solution - that to me is just whining. I may see validity in the issue, yet choose a different way to handle it, or I may tell him he is feeling that way out of insecurity for whatever reason, and try to do something to show him there is no need for that...but just whining, pouting, or DRAMA - NOT TOLERATED!



rubberpet -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 7:50:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I love male subs let me say that firstly and this is in no way a slam at them. But over the years I have noticed a common thread, at least in the 4 that I have owned. They all seemed to have a talent for being dramatic. I will give you an example of what I mean.

This weekend my sub had a problem with getting an erection, well hell we'd been going at it for hours and at the age of 37 its not unexpected. We've had discussions about this subject before and he understands it happens but according to him it doesnt happen to HIM. I guess he thinks he is Mister supercock or something[;)] Well he went into total sulk mode and locked himself in the bathroom. I let him go without saying a word to him and then he came to lay in the bed next to me, again I said nothing to him as I can't stand sulking and it seems when he is in this mood you cannot say anything that helps him to feel better.

I have had other male subs do this same thing and under different circumstances. Now it could be the subs that I select, but I wondered if any other Mistresses had seen this in  their subs? He later said the reason it bothers him so much is because his job as a sub is to please and if he fails to get an erection he has failed in his duty. My view is as long as you try you are serving, you can't help that your body does otherwise.

~Lashra


Lashra, as a male sub, I can certainly understand the first example.  A man's erection is like a symbol of power to him...no pun intended.  It is his manhood.  It is a display to the female that he is virile and can satisfy her.  No man, at any age, wants to acknowledge or accept the fact that his penis is not always going to rise to the occasion.  I can certainly understand his sulking because no man who loves the woman he's with wants to disappoint her sexually.  It would kill me to know I couldn't keep it up for Mistress.  I know it's not all I'm about with Her, but it does make a man feel less of a man.  It is like when some women have a hystorectomy, a mastectomy, or something of that nature.  I've heard from women in my family who had something like those done that they feel like less of a woman.  Granted, the situations are different, but the feelings are similar.

For a man, a number of factors influence his sexual strength like age, diet, health, stress, and genetics to name a few.  Some problems are physical, others are mental.  If you are willing to comfort him and understand that the body won't always respond like the heart and mind will, then your subs are lucky to be with you.  I'm a lucky one, too.  Mistress says that if Lil' Johnny get's too tired, I still have a tongue and fingers for back-up.  LOL [:D]



amayos -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 8:33:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I love male subs let me say that firstly and this is in no way a slam at them. But over the years I have noticed a common thread, at least in the 4 that I have owned. They all seemed to have a talent for being dramatic.


I have noticed a talent for the dramatic among both males and females who pursue submission. In the scenario you describe, at least the male is critical of his performance and ability to please, and not complaining (openly or passively) about what he didn't get. I've seen the latter in one manifestation or another from time to time, and it's always far more disappointing.



MisPandora -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 9:49:06 AM)

I don't deal with that bullshit.  I run a drama free dungeon zone LOL

Serious -- the folks who work best in my inner circle have a thick skin themselves.  They're military, cops, guys who work ungodly hours, for shitty pay, having people abuse them (grins) and sometimes even get shot at in the process.  They're thankful to come and sit with me awhile and aren't too lippy about how terrible life is when they can't get it up.

And if that fails, I call the submissive doctor and get a script for the submissive Viagra.  That in itself is pretty humbling to have mistress administer that because the boy's cock is an ineffective or useless tool LOL



MisPandora -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 10:00:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
I try very hard to be patient and understanding with people. I'm a logical person and sometimes when people react emotionally it throws me for a loop. I just don't know what to say or how to act to comfort them. In the past when this happened I've tried holding him and talking about it logically which only seemed to make him more emotional.


Yep.  You're a logic-minded person and they are relationship-feelings oriented folks.  It's tough to palate their reactions and needs much of the time! 

Check out a little book by a Dr Mark Tager called Power Source.  You likely won't be able to get it on Amazon, but if you google it, you'll come up with his website where it can be purchased.  They do a corporate training session with this book/program and it is AMAZING.  It does a personality survey of you at various ages that you can remember, and it seems to be right on the mark for a majority of people.  I see things I do at work and now understand that I do projects a certain way,, because it's the way I think and process things.  I'm a very logic-minded thinker with an even balance of creativity and grounding.  I don't seem to need anyone's input to come up with a decision on how something gets done, I think out of the box in some instances, but I clearly have habitual patterns of doing things linearly -- A then B then C, and that's the only way it makes sense to do it.  (And yes, I'm reminded of that by supervisors on a regular basis!)  When I'm paired with certain people who are polar opposites in their methodology, I tend to piss people off, hurt feelings or run through like a bull in a china shop, and it's wholly unintentional.  As it turns out, those people are the folks who are relationship based, who need to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions or feelings on something before a decision can be reached.   The irony?  In work groups, and from what I've noticed of submissives being attracted to dominants, the opposites seem to attract.  It's a recipie for disaster really -- the thin skinned relationship folks are easily offended by the the tough logic thinkers, or the logic thinkers lose their patience over the inability for the grounded folks to move forward or the relationship folks to do anything without having to hold hands, sing kumbaya and all that stuff.

Now I know why I piss people off and make slaves cry LOL



LadyHugs -> RE: Male subs sometimes dramatic? (3/4/2008 10:38:03 AM)

Dear Lashra, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I have been around male slaves mostly.  I do find there will be some who are very dramatic and verbally 'Chatty Cathy' sorts.  I am drawn mostly to the military, semi-military, para-military man.  I find any man who has had to deal with crisis situations have real life drama that makes what ever in our lives pale in comparison.  My relationships have mainly been of peace.
 
As far as men go, I prefer older men.  I adore them and cherish them.  I personally do not need sexual intercourse and or any sexual stimulation by them at all.  For me, I am sexually aroused more completely through obedience and service.  My mind is in a state of bliss.  Walking through the ranks in review--they might have been sweating bullets--I was so satisfied sexually mentally, emotionally and physically and is not something that deminishes in a few minutes.
A male slave is more than sexual organs to me--he is my treasure.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 



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