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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: jealousy (3/4/2008 7:48:50 PM)
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While I have yet to experience swinging/sharing in a relationship, it's something that my current girl and I have been mentally exploring in depth with one another.
She has had some past experience with FFM threesomes. The downside was that she had been burned by her Ex with their mutal female swing partner. So there is a bit of a security issue and she's been open to talk about it. I've listened to her past experiences and shared with her my POV and thoughts on the subject.
Basically, sharing/swinging is not an activitity to jump into without trust and security between two people and their relationship. We have expanded this conversation and talked some about poly situations. Basically, talking about as many different angles as we can about this. Sharing detailed fantasies and thoughts.
We both feel comfortable with sharing kinky thoughts, ideas and fantasies. Because these thoughts are part of who we really are. However, we both know that thoughts are thoughts and that reality of doing these things are another thing.
The strange thing, is that the more we talk and communicate about this topic or subject with one another, the more and more secure we are becoming at the thoughts of doing various things.
For instance a month ago, I used to hear her saying the thought of me sticking my dick in another pussy was a hard limit for her. Now, I'm hearing how she thinks it would be hot as hell to watch me do this. Anyways, basically the limits both her and I have had regarding this centered around with security issues. That and STD's or the what if's with opening the doors to Drama or somebody trying to steal somebody away from one another.
Lately we have been playing a sort of verbal pimp out game with one another. Where we pick out other people, or attempt to pick out somebody interesting in a crowd and ask.. would you do them. Basically, nothing serious. Just looking at different people mentally exploring it, and also discovering what qualities about other people turn us both on.
She's Bisexual, so at times we both will comment about other girls around the club/bar. This last weekend we both flirted with a girl at the same time. Actually did that the weekend before too.
One night her and I went out with her best friend (a girl) who is straight, however it was very confusing for other people around us. I actually was approched by a guy asking if he could dance with her friend. He did not know what girl was actually my girl friend. Actually, we gave off a very strong poly vibe out on the dance floor and things we were doing.
In many ways, we are exploring things on safe and comfortable level. Oh wait to make matters more confusing all three of us ended up flirting with another Girl at the same time. We sort of had her all flustered, but she enjoyed it. Actually she thanked us all for the confidence esteem boost.
Now, to make matters a little more twisted. My girl actually had a boy toy that was a combination friend and fuck buddy, she was seeing before I came into the picture. He actually had a dream about the three of us having a threesome together, he shared this my girl and even shared this with me as well. The bitch of it all, is that he really likes me, and he thinks that me and her are a great match together. So opportunity for a MFM has presented itself, without the fear or risk of STD's. However, on the other hand, there's the emotional issues at hand as well. Basically, not something to rush into just because there is an opportunity.
She basically had shared with him, that her and I had been talking about threesomes. He felt comfortable enough bringing the subject up with me about his dream he had. So I talked open and frank with him about it. That it's not something I would do right away if at all. I brought up the whole issue of trust and respect for a relationship and being secure. He totally understood and related to this POV and perspective on the matter. I basically did not say Yes or No to this being a reality.
The idea of this happening though is somewhat hot for all three of us though.
Mentally, I have been exploring this thought. Basically, if I was to have a threesome and share her with another man, I would not this to be mistaken as an open license for allowing her to continue her past fuck buddy relationship. Even more so considering he did not take it emotionally well, when her and I officially became committed towards one another. I feel secure that she wants to be with me, however, I'm not so secure that this guy might not become all dramatic. I'm thinking that this guy is not emotionally mature enough to deal with a threesome and be respective of her and mine relationship. She even wonders the same exact thoughts as I do about this as well.
The bottom line, is that open honest communication has been going on about all this, without and jealously during the communication process. I tend to think jealously over the thought of something happening could risk shutting communication itself down.
So, if jealously starts to block or hamper communication, this is a bad thing. This is about all I can honestly input on the topic at the moment.
Communication is important if you even want to entertain the thoughts of doing this. If you can't talk about it, then there's no way in Hell you are gonna be able to do it. If it's a hard limit or does not feel right in the relationship don't do it.
I have always thought and had fantasies about swinging and sharing over the years, that part of me will never change. I have shared some of these dark thoughts with past partners only to have Squicked them out or made them fearful. Basically, just the thoughts I shared with them stirred a high degree of insecurity.
Just because somebody is into BDSM does not automatically mean they embrace or accept swinging or sharing. This is simply another activity that may or may not be a hard limit.
I would say, it's always best to mentally explore kinks and activities. Communicate and talk about them before doing them ahead of time. Simply springing new activities out the the blue can be a not so nice thing on your partner. Keeping quiet and waiting for the perfect time to talk about darker closest kinks might not be the right thing to do either.
I think too many people, expect for a somebody to submit hook line and sinker then accept everything about each other after the fact.
Currently my girl has not fully submitted to me yet, I'm not certain if this is going to evol into a D/s relationship or a Dom power couple or what yet. It's been evoling with bedroom D/s great so far. In terms of the dynamics outside of the bedroom, we have been playing a bit of power exchange game. I don't mind since she is testing my Dom nature. She enjoys the fact that I don't let her boss me around. Believe me she has attempted at times, however, I've been able to turn the tables back around on her many times now. Besides, how could I even possible think about earning her submission otherwise. Basically, she has a Dom type of personality. I was reading a post LA made on another thread about submissives with Dom personalities, that made me think a little more on this subject.
Crap, I just went off topic now. Basically, my point is at times it's best to explore things and communicate without trying to force things along. Be it with swinging or even forcing D/s relationship dynamics before a person is ready.
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