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What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 6:12:20 AM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Dear Sirs,

If You have a slave willing to do anything for You and treated you very well but also she had a fear of intimacy, would you give her up if she couldn't correct it?

Curious, auralise
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 6:31:52 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If her fear prevented her from serving appropriately and reaching her full potential...if she refused to change over the long term (which, if I were actively working and training her otherwise would take a lot of effort on her part), then yes I would ultimately decide we were not compatible and let her on her way to find her bliss.

If she's willing to do anything then she's willing to let herself grow and become secure.

(in reply to Auralise)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 6:48:19 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		A fear of intimacy can be overcome. It has a lot to do with being truly open and being able to trust your partner. Perhaps you need to look at what is impeding your progess as far as being open. I know that I have been open with people who did not deserve my disclosure, it was a waste. But it can be a good thing when you find someone who can also be open with you.

Good luck.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 7:04:36 AM   
Evilsgirl


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		i have always had a fear of commitment...intimacy and was never able to completely give my sefl 100% to anyone. i thought it was something that was so deeply imbedded i would never overcome it. yet that all changed with one man. that might be something that needs looking at under a microscope...are you sure he is the One..i dont know if this helps.....just a subs view *sigh*

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 7:08:19 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Auralise

Dear Sirs,

If You have a slave willing to do anything for You and treated you very well but also she had a fear of intimacy, would you give her up if she couldn't correct it?

Curious, auralise[/color]


Fears can be overcome. Part of the job, a very important part, for a dominant is helping the submissive overcome fears.

The fact that someone WANTED to become my submissive would indicate she wanted to be intimatg with me since submission by its very nature is intimate. It simply doesn't work if there isn't a touching of the souls.

Now, if someone just wanted to be beaten, tied up, ravished or some of the many things we do within the scene, I might be able to be convinced to give her a few sessions, but she wouldn't be "my submissive."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 7:12:40 AM   
subspaceinMD


Posts: 42
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		how long has the relationship been going on? i have a big fear of intimacy, but the longer i am with some one the more i am able to relax. is everything else going well? maybe you just need more time to truly trust and respond to this person. Has this been an ongoing theme (even through other relationships)? Has this person been hurt in the past? Maybe counseling would help. A fear of intimacy can be hurtful for the rest of your life and can involve other relationships and bleed into other areas of your life. i would defin find out by going to a professional what causes this and how it can be fixed or overcome. As for the question of should you give her up, that would not in any way help her fear of intimacy, but rather maybe if you continue to work through it together it could make you more intimate. Just my opinion.

(in reply to Auralise)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 8:56:52 AM   
krazysubbiekat


Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline 		i was wondering, Sir, if you found that some of the "do-me" submissives have a fear of intimacy? i personally think that it would be a logical conclusion to say yes, but I wanted to know your take on it.

Thanks,

kat

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini


(in reply to JohnWarren)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 9:08:16 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat

i was wondering, Sir, if you found that some of the "do-me" submissives have a fear of intimacy? i personally think that it would be a logical conclusion to say yes, but I wanted to know your take on it.

Thanks,

kat


Some might. Some also might not have a "fear" but just aren't interested in it. I told client of Inner Explorations about the offline scene in Boston, as far as I know, only one tried exploring it. Those who discussed it usually said they were too busy to court a domme so $200 a hour was a bargain from their point of view.

To me, prodom clients are the poster children of the do-me world.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 12:47:41 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		For Me, intimacy is a very important part of what I am seeking. If My girl had a serious issue with intimacy, I would try My best to help her grow out of that fear, and try to reassure her it was okay and her heart would be as safe as her body with Me.

I do have to admit, however, that after an ample amount of time and effort proved to be unsuccessful, I would have to free her. That's just Me, though... as I said, intimacy is important to Me.

(in reply to Auralise)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 12:57:59 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Have to agree with Emerald & Rain on this. There is a point at which either the person is willing to rise to the challenge in their submission or they aren't...sub's choice.

The way that I am reading the inital post is if I do everything else EXCEPT fully submit my heart is that ok? I can't think of a Top or Dom/me in a long term arrangement that would say that a 3/4 or half submission would be what they desire long term.

If intimacy is an ongoing issue professional exploration might be required.

edit for spelling <slap typist>

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 9/23/2005 4:00:50 PM >

(in reply to RainGod)
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RE: What is worth it??? - 9/23/2005 1:23:21 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		If the submissive would do anything for the dominant, and treats the dominant very well ... isn't that intimacy?

No offense intended and I'm not applying this to any specific person, but I think sometimes people have unrealistic expectations of others. Getting true intimacy from someone isn't about getting what you want out of them and "teaching" them to give it to you. You can teach a dog to do that. Intimacy with a person is them giving you whatever they have to give, freely and without asking anything in return.

If being willing to do anything for someone, and treating them very well, is all the intimacy a person has to give, then that should be enough. If you cut that person loose because they weren't able to fulfill your expectations of what they should give, then the fault isn't with them, it's with you. (again, no "you" in particular)

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is worth it??? THANKS A/aLL! - 9/26/2005 2:00:25 PM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Thank you A/all very much for sharing your thoughts and opinions on this topic. I truly appreciate it your honesty - good or bad is insignificant.

This group is so much better giving advice than any group I've belonged to in the past. Thanks for your time.

auralise

(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 12
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