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About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:07:15 AM   
nineofone


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline 		Being a male sub/slave, who has basically been "kept" through most of my adult life, I have had the opportunity to meet and really get to know many good people who are very real and pasionate about their lives/style. Some of whom were simply lonely,and others who were seeking to expand their horizons and depth of experiences. I havent been searching for over 4 yrs now, and have recently found myself alone once more, and needing to find another home/family. One thing I've noticed THIS time that wasnt so obvious in the past, is the level of mistrust and unreasonably high standards that many Mistress/Masters have set in motion. A
As soon as a prospect finds out that we dont have a lucrative career, and someway to bring a shit load of money into the household, we are almost always "dropped", and never spoken with again. My situation required me to forgo pursuing a career in order to be there and devote myself exclusively to the One I'm with. This left me learning and contributing as basically a jack of all trades type individual. It's been more or less of a requirement for me. So why would D's expect so much out of , and have so little regard for those who have been dedicating their lives to them and their beckoning wishes? It really sucks to spend so much time getting to know someone online or what have you, and then comes the question-"so what do you do for a living?" This seems to lead to an immeadiate rejection and my aspirations and self respect being debased with each and every such interaction. I have also been rejected at a late stage in the game because the D's werent forthcoming on issues like smoking, drinking and etc. PLEASE- whatever your personal tastes are is fine with me. But there are certain things that D's need to start being more respectful of. While most of us are submissive by nature, it should be known by anyone with even a bit of experience in this way that we are sensitive, and have feelings too. Many of you expect us to be willing to go through anything for the pleasure of serving you, yet you have little or no regards for us.
Thanks for listening..
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:18:19 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		It seems that you have had a bad run of it recently. for which you have my sympathy. I know that in my experiance what i do for a living is virtually irrelevent. I am currently in the process of organising relocation to live with Sir and his slave, and we have had minimal conversation about money, I had to force the issue of rent because I know that money can become a contentious issue and I would like to know where I stand. I currently dont have a job and am looking for one up there, this  is something that they have encouraged because they know that it is important to me rathar than anything else, they havent had input on what i ma doing, the hours, the pay etc etc because that is seen as my choice. It was me who was concerned about beign a financial burden on them not the other way round. I guess it differs from person to person though. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to nineofone)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:36:44 AM   
LadyVictoria


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline 		Speaking as a Dominant currently searching for one to join My house, I inquire about career for several reasons.  For one thing, I need to know if someone is able to relocate his job, and if that will take a very long time.  For another, while we do both work, the new person will need to, too, simply to avoid draining the household's budget.  It is simply a matter of practicality.  Personally, I don't care what a person does for a living, as long as it is honest.   I don't require that someone bring Me a boatload of money.  I simply require that he be willing to pull his own weight and contribute to the household he is to be a member of.  Okay, so that's a dangling participle, but you know what I mean. *G*  Just for the record, I have NEVER rejected a candidate because of his career or lack thereof.  *soft smile* 

(in reply to nineofone)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:37:54 AM   
nineofone


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for your reply colouredin. I guess its probably different for females in this respect. I guess everybody needs to work, at least do something for themselves. This isnt my problem. Many seem to have this modern "yuppie mindset" of self-gratification at all costs. A true Master/Mistress will understand that most of us develope a serious attachment for our D's, and the life we share with them. In my case I was rather brutally removed from her life, when she changed her lifestyle and no longer wished to participate in bdsm. The subsequent emptiness in my life really devastated me and led to my getting a dui and losing my CDL. Now I am percieved as some sort of major criminal to be avoided at all costs.
Anyhow-to all who will read this, THERE YOU HAVE IT!  I'm a lowdown, low to the ground, dirty rotten subbie..
Most D'sI'm meeting these days are either too young to possibly know enough about life to guide those of us over 30, or in it mostly because they can use their beauty to make lots of money. Must be nice.......

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:43:45 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Any long term relationship that ends sucks whether you end it or the otehr person does. The fact that you devoted yourself to her will not be seen as a negative to most people I am sure. I mean you CAN still get a job, not having a career shouldnt be important, and if it is i would suggest that she is not the right person for you anyways. You sound very bitter about the end of this relationship and maybe that is the bigger issue. I think you maybe need to sort out where your anger is and try to come to a sense of acceptance before you try getting into anything. I realise that will be hard as you are used to being in a relationship, however you need to learn how to be a whole on your own too. Then you can think of all the positive things that you bring to a relationship rather than focusing on the things that you dont bring, and you need to find someone who values the positives more than the negatives. :D

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to nineofone)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 5:46:12 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		If your ugly thne find an ugly family.

(in reply to nineofone)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:13:35 AM   
LadyVictoria


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline 		Very well said, colouredin!!  *applauds*

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:19:22 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		Ok..i was recently asked to join a poly household but of course it wasn't sprung on me till about a week after we began to talk.While i appreciate she finally divulged the one thing i had to accept above all others and while i also appreciate others who come right out of the gate and have poly already listed in their profile the bottom line for me is..i am not good enough on my own as i stand,then frig ya..i don't need ya that bad.While it can be argued that i am living in a poly style environment(i am married but not happy and i am making contact with Dominas behind my spouses back)the bottom line at the end of the day,i am still with only one person when i crawl under the covers.Now all this blathering may put me in Dutch with most Dominas but i would seriously have to question one's manliness for accepting such an arrangement.Now if you had say a male horse named Flicka or something..maybe we can talk.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:24:18 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I dont see how this fits the OP's question? But of course honesty about what it is that we want is very important

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to chezzy52)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:25:36 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		oh dear, the screen nearly melted from your anger---so here is My take for what it's worth--
 
A real true Dom/mina yes, should understand the value of their sub and in that understanding comes reality as well as doing what's right by them and the dynamic, making the hard decisions when One doesn't want to--and reality is taxes, food, bills, roof over one'e head--that is fact--and in todays economy, one better be able to bring income to offset expenses --that is reality, cold hard-- but it is what it is.  There are Dominas who don't care what it is, there are Dominas who do, its no different than in the vanilla world--just because one is a sub or slave does not mean that is where it ends.
 
As for your DUI----She didn't have anything to do with what decision--you did--you need to come to terms that you made a bad decision--and I can speak to tha because I am on current driving limitations for a DUI--blamed the slave that was here, blamed the stable owner at the time for making Me angry, blamed My Mom dying--nope--I made that decision, no one else.  It took a few months to get that through My head.
 
You are so angry, ok, you invested time and She flipped--for that I am sure we all feel bad for you--however, life goes on and so must you--spit out the grizzle, pull up your  pants and cope. It takes a long time to find someone, especially through here as one has to weed through, gets their hopes up and poof.
 
I may also suggest that you take your emotional attachment a bit slower--self preservation as they say--I have had more than a few subs who have said after just a few days chatting--I am yours Mistress--and I'm like, what??? Nope too much too fast, so if you find yourself reacting that way, you might want to slow down.
 
I --like LadyV, inquire about work abilities---I do not want someone to see Me, My life or My assets as the golden ticket, I had a slave who did not work, I learned that won't work in My life as it ate resources--so there has to be a way to make an income of some sort. That is My right and My preference, it isnt everyone's though.
 
You've been thrown to the curb as you say, ok, that hurts, we all have at one time or another, that doesn't mean you  should carry the anger on your shoulder like a lance--I am with colouredin---you need to deal with some things before you seek--you do no good to yourself or your proposed Dominant with this much baggage. If smoking or drinking or whatever are seen as problems, for others, I might suggest putting it in your profile to eliminate those for whom thay may be an issue--IMHO
 
and  don't just stow the anger---bury it.
 
 
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to nineofone)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:34:08 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		FR

I'm trying to put all the pieces together--- there was a long term relationship where he may or may not have used his CDL license to earn money.  The other party wasn't feeling that it could continue and left, he handled it so badly that his bad decision cost him his lively hood and now, emotionally raw and rebounding from this experience he's asking for another to take on this entire burden?

To the OP-- I have many thoughts on drinking and driving and the consequence you have to pay for your stupidity, but I'll spare you.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:38:14 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Lady Hathor really summed it up but I wanted to add -- you seem to be blaming anyone else for your current situation, including any previous relationship you've had.

Personally, I see your job as a single submissive to take responsibility for your life and your finances and everything else.  It sounds like you want to go from one person to the next with them taking care of your needs.  I don't think it works that way. 

The fantasies are great, the idea that one person supports another completely financially while that person caters to their every whim is fiction.  Its a tough world and while I wouldn't expect someone to bring in boatloads of money, I'd expect them to keep up.  I would not finance everything, nor would I expect someone else to.

There are so many more things here, but in the end, your job as a responsible person is to make sure you can take care of YOU -- all the time.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 6:48:32 AM   
Guest123


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		i do hear the pain and the anger in your message op. Like you i did not have a choice. but it was death that took my Dom/husband. If i could fault him for anything it was that he never perpared me to be on my own. This is something i've had to learn by trial and error and believe me i have made a lot of mistakes. The first thing i did was get a support group, someone i could call on for advice and guidance at first. The second thing i did was educate myself so that i could be able to find a job to take care of the family that He left me with. Having friendships opened the door to a lot of things i did not know i could do. The current line of work is something i would have never ever even dreams of doing. Yet with patience, and non choice but to learn it and do it, i have survived. Each step gave me the confidence to make another. i did not drive until i moved here to the states. A neighbor taught me. i am exteremely shy so meeting people and interviewing was such a far stretch for me i thought i would die each time but as i did so it became easier. i had to keep motivated and i did so by the hungry looks of my children that expected me to take care of them. They were just as frightened as i was. i learned not everyone can be trusted. i also learned that i had to be selective as to how much information and what information i trusted others with. i have never learned to lie but i have learned some things about avoiding or changing the subject, distraction when it's something that i should not answer to a stranger.

When you take these small steps you will find that you feel better about yourself and when you do feel better about your self your situation will change, you will suddenly become more appealing to others. Stay connected to meeting people, if you don't have skills learn them. If you don't have friends make them. Get out, walk, greet, pound the streets so to speak. The exercize will clear your mind and prepare you to have a better mind set. And smile, find a way to smile even if you don't feel it. Think of it as a service you do for others until it becomes a part of you. One day you will find that you mean it on the inside. i find angery and frowning people hard to connect with.
i hope this comes across as helpful. and one other thing, look up and know the 5 steps of grieving. You will be going through those stages whether or not you have lost someone to death. It was an end to a relationship and those emotions will come upon you in the same way as those of us who have lost another by death. Nothing is final, life goes on, seize the moment and make something good happen for yourself.

_____________________________

"If you see a little turtle on a rock, know it did not get there by itself"

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 7:03:38 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		hugs Guest123, that had to be hard to share, and though I am sure you still miss Him, you survived.
 


_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Guest123)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 7:09:13 AM   
Guest123


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		thank you Mistress, it's been 5 years and every day seems lonely without Him... so many changes, i'm not sure he would have approved of all of them but i like to think he would be proud that i did not disolve into nothingness.

dear op, i should have also suggested that you make a list of your goods, you will find that the list grows longer and the bad's grow shorter.

add to your good side daily, small things add up.... you will soon see a shift in the balance.
Looking at your positives also helps you to see that it's not all bad.


_____________________________

"If you see a little turtle on a rock, know it did not get there by itself"

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 7:25:31 AM   
AS11


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		We all are accountable for the decisions we make not what others do or think. Being responsible means we accept the responsibility for the choices we make, even the bad ones. At times that can be very painful, costly and causal of self-doubt but the sooner we accept the consequence of our actions the sooner we learn diversity is but opportunity viewed differently and the greater becomes our content.

(in reply to nineofone)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 7:58:14 AM   
nineofone


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dont mistake my anger in this thread as a lack of taking responsibility for my actions. IT IS NOT. My thread has many points in it, that can be taked in several of many ways. Mainly-to discuss the issues around respect,expectations and being forward and upfront with those who we meet here. Regardless of some opinions, my observations through experience show an overwhelming amount of disregard for s's feelings. Those of you who are D's could apply what I'm saying and apply it to yourselves-see if it in any way fits. If it doesnt, then I'm happy for you.
For the record,I have NEVER in my life not had some kind of work to do. I'm not a lazy thoughtless man. The dui charge is most likely gonna be dropped, as I simply wasnt drunk and had been driven home after drinking. I still had a slight odor about me and the cop knew he probably couldnt get me with a breath test, so he demanded a blood test. I refused this on principle, not in guilt. THIS is the reason my license was taken away and I lost my job. All well after living back on my own. Yes, I'm human, yes,drinking doesnt solve anything, but I was having fun shooting pool and was not irresponsible in my opinion. I generally dont drink, but when I do, its mostly for fun, and rarely in excess.
I appreciate everyone replies. It helps not to feel alone in this.

(in reply to AS11)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 8:10:38 AM   
nineofone


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline 		Another point for your consideration- Many of you SAY that you are in the lifestyle to assist others and aid in healing. Yet-when one such as me approaches with a willing soul, you find various little excuses to back off. Are those who come for healing supposed to to not have anything that needs healed? I dont mean to offend, but I smell pious conceit.

(in reply to nineofone)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 8:15:57 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		many?  show me where

personally, I see that as hubris -- its not likely someone can heal another -- that comes from within...

I would never set myself up for that and while I'd always help someone I love or is close to me, I'd prefer someone coming to me new come to me as whole as they can, they need to do their own healing... I can help, but I can't do it

(in reply to nineofone)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: About Polyamorous- 24/7 relartionships - 3/5/2008 8:19:17 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I havent heard any who claim to be healers and I certainly dont see it as anyones job but my own to make myself feel better. I dont think anyone has the capacity to do it anyway, people can help you see things in yourself, help you understand yourself better and can give you cuddles, that doesnt heal, healing comes when you yourself recognise the problems and what you need to do to make them better, only you can heal yourself. Anything else is temporary and relying on someone else to do it just means that if the relationship breaks down then you are in an even worse position than the one you started off in.

If you need healing you need to work out how you need to heal, if you want someone to talk to thats fine but talking in and of itself wont heal you. Asking for advice doesnt heal you it is the actions you take after the advice has been given. Just my feeling


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to nineofone)
Profile   Post #: 20
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