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RE: No shows - 3/5/2008 4:02:39 PM

bobipanti

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

If this is truly a problem for Dommes, then a fee should be set up in advance that is refundable by the Domme after the meeting. If there is a no-show, the Domme keeps the fee for Her time and trouble I would gladly set up a situation as this to meet and discuss life with a Domme who was interesting and showed a true interest in me.

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 21

RE: No shows - 3/5/2008 4:07:07 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Most men would feel victimized by the suggestion that they make a "Meeting a Domme in Person" deposit. Sometimes the no-shows and last-minute cancellations are so annoying that one would be tempted to do such a thing, but honestly I think it would only drive away the few people who were worthwhile and sincere.

*shrug* Have to open a lot of oysters to find a pearl, I guess.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to bobipanti)

Post #: 22

RE: No shows - 3/5/2008 5:18:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't really have a lot of no shows. Sitting here thinking about it, there's been two that I can remember, and neither of those were really solid plans. I have the same pattern as a lot of people. Email exchange, then chat, then casual meet. (I specifically left out mentioning phone, because I don't care for phone calls in general.) Usually, I'll have someone meet Me somewhere that I was already planning to be. Either a munch or an event that I'm going to attend. Kind of a "I'll see you if I see you" deal. I inform people in advance that there won't be any play at the first meet, though I'll invite them to watch Me play with others, so they can observe a scene. My dance card is usually full, since I enjoy casual play, so if somebody doesn't show, it doesn't detract from My evening.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 23

RE: No shows - 3/5/2008 6:45:28 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

I have not had much issue with no shows. Then again... I tend to guage a person for quite a while before I agree to meet them anyway, at which point, I've probably weeded out a good number of flakes . :)

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 24

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 1:45:04 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyVictoria
Has anyone else had a lot of no-shows? I really don't understand it. Is it a game for some to find out how many Mistresses they can fool into believing they are for real and then just never showing up at the planned meeting? How do you all handle it? Is there any way to prevent it, or at least, to minimize it? I do try to take My time and get to know someone before I even plan a meeting, so, what else can I do? Any thoughts?
Lady V
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has happened a few times. What I do now is set up an on-line chat "date" and a few phone "dates" to get to know them first, at a specific day and time. If they screw up (i.e. are not available when they say they are going to be) they are disqualified from an in-person meeting. This has eliminated several.

I also confirm by e-mail the day before and by phone a few hours beforehand. If I don't hear back, I consider the date cancelled and will save my time and gas.

I will leave them unblocked online for 24 hours to provide some type of explanation (and it had better be good), but if they don't, I just go ahead and block them.

If someone is not going to follow through on something they committed to, the onus is on THEM to provide an explanation IN ADVANCE. No showing is extremly rude. I realize there can be rare exceptions, like a car breaking down. Nonetheless, they should get in touch with the person they were supposed to meet as soon as possible.

One individual set up a time to meet me, then admitted a few days beforehand that he got cold feet and could not go through with the meeting. I appreciated his honesty, but most are not that forthright.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 25

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 7:17:05 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I choose meeting places that are convenient to me, and if they don't show up, I am out on my errand runs anyway! If they don't have the good grace to cancel in advance, they don't get repeat consideration from me. In these days of cell phones, there's really no excuse for not being able to keep in touch.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 26

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 8:01:47 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

"no-shows" are part of the reason I always insist on a first meeting a local munch.

I'm going anyway so regardless of whether or not the other person shows, I'll have fun and be with similarly minded people.

Plus since I'm "out" if someone can't come to a munch, they won't survive with me and frankly will be a waste of my time and energy.

There are several other reasons too why I want that first meeting at a munch.

A second meeting I want at a public venue too -- a private lunch. However, I'll pick a place I want and if the other person doesn't show, hey, I still get a meal I want and since my husband or slave will be a table or two away they can come and join me.

Of course anyone not coming to both those meetings does not get another chance.

Yeah, I know life happens but I have a life too and I'm certainly not building it around someone unknown merely potential bottom/sub. By the way, he/she shouldn't offer me more than that too -- if I cancel and don't show, don't put up with any excuses I might toss your way. (that's a fantasy because I always keep meetings I arrange unless I'm in the hospital)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 27

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 11:04:00 AM

Araven

Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

Speaking on the flip side of the token, sometimes it is incredibly difficult for a person to relize that fantasy is becoming reality, and when that realilty gives them a healthy smack on the rear it becomes incredibly scary.

It seems most sub guys are generally a little shy, scared, and nervous. But the best advice seems to already be on here. I am a firm believer that the best place to meet people is at your local "scene". Be it a munch, play-party, or something else. Its usually a good public venue, with like-minded people. For the very first time, I think the best way to weed out potential no shows is to ask them to attend an event and say you'll be there too.

That was how I met my proper One, first it was a few emails, then yahoo messanger conversations, then MONTHS later we finally met at a local kink party. She had the patience to help me through all my fears, and to help me get up the courage to venture out and meet her, and I have to say.. it was one of the greatest things I could have ever done... was walk out my door that day to go meet her.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 28

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 11:48:03 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyVictoria

Has anyone else had a lot of no-shows? I really don't understand it. Is it a game for some to find out how many Mistresses they can fool into believing they are for real and then just never showing up at the planned meeting? How do you all handle it? Is there any way to prevent it, or at least, to minimize it? I do try to take My time and get to know someone before I even plan a meeting, so, what else can I do? Any thoughts?

Lady V

I never understood why so many subbies make arrangements to meet potential new dommes and bail on the meeting. They are then the first ones screaming they can't find a domme and that all dommes are fakes, flakes, and frauds. Good grief!!!

I've met several dommes off of collarme and have never been a no-show. If I say I'll be somewhere, you can bank on it that I will be there. Personally, I understand why some dommes demand a tribute before a meeting because if they are going to have their time wasted by jerk-offs, they might as well get some sort of compensation for their wasted time. Just my 17-cents. ***cost of my opinion adjusted proportionately due to the rising cost of gas in this country***

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 29

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 11:49:20 AM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

(FR because I have to feed the UMs)

I always assume no show is a possibility, even when I am just meeting friends. This doesn't bother me anymore. Any time I carve out of my schedule is mine, so if someone doesn't show I just use that time as me-time. I'll get some work done on my novel, mess around on the internet (far more likely), work on crochet, or sit around and write terrible poetry if all I have is a napkin and a pen. Thanks, stupid no-show person; instead of wasting any more time on you, you've just given me a little time to myself!

It's annoying, to be sure, when someone stands you up, and it hurts the pride, but I don't allow myself to attach emotionally to people I have never met. I know some do fall in love over the internet and I feel for those people in situations like this.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 30

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 12:53:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I don't have a whole lot of "me" time...so it really irks me to lose it somewhere outside the house!

I can accept that some folks are shy, but if they are afraid of having coffee with me.........well, it's a pretty good chance that that don't have the cojones to serve me, either. They might be a great fit for someone else, but I just can't be bothered to drag someone out of their shell.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 31

RE: No shows - 3/6/2008 2:07:26 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

Speaking on the flip side of the token, sometimes it is incredibly difficult for a person to relize that fantasy is becoming reality, and when that realilty gives them a healthy smack on the rear it becomes incredibly scary.

It seems most sub guys are generally a little shy, scared, and nervous. But the best advice seems to already be on here. I am a firm believer that the best place to meet people is at your local "scene". Be it a munch, play-party, or something else. Its usually a good public venue, with like-minded people. For the very first time, I think the best way to weed out potential no shows is to ask them to attend an event and say you'll be there too.

That was how I met my proper One, first it was a few emails, then yahoo messanger conversations, then MONTHS later we finally met at a local kink party. She had the patience to help me through all my fears, and to help me get up the courage to venture out and meet her, and I have to say.. it was one of the greatest things I could have ever done... was walk out my door that day to go meet her.

Nice post Araven

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 32

RE: No shows - 3/7/2008 2:13:37 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

Speaking on the flip side of the token, sometimes it is incredibly difficult for a person to relize that fantasy is becoming reality, and when that realilty gives them a healthy smack on the rear it becomes incredibly scary.

It seems most sub guys are generally a little shy, scared, and nervous. But the best advice seems to already be on here. I am a firm believer that the best place to meet people is at your local "scene". Be it a munch, play-party, or something else. Its usually a good public venue, with like-minded people. For the very first time, I think the best way to weed out potential no shows is to ask them to attend an event and say you'll be there too.

That was how I met my proper One, first it was a few emails, then yahoo messanger conversations, then MONTHS later we finally met at a local kink party. She had the patience to help me through all my fears, and to help me get up the courage to venture out and meet her, and I have to say.. it was one of the greatest things I could have ever done... was walk out my door that day to go meet her.

Nice post Araven

Very much so! I wonder if the writer would mind if I referenced this link to how wonderful things can be away from the computer screen.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 33

RE: No shows - 3/7/2008 6:13:19 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

I will usually choose a bookstore/coffee shop or a munch to meet someone at. If they don't show I am still going to enjoy my coffee, buy a book or chat with friends. I can understand someone getting cold feet at the last minute, but if they don't call they don't get a second chance unless they have a major reason for not showing up, like being in the ER, snowed in (air flights) or trapped in major traffic (parking lot due to accident).

poenkitten aka MC

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 34

RE: No shows - 3/7/2008 11:44:15 AM

LadyVictoria

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline

I truly appreciate all the response to this thread!! I always meet someone for the first time in a public place, with My subbie hubbie nearby. The reason I posted this thread at this particular time was because of a no-show from a sub I had already met a few times! I gave him ample opportunities to voice any fears, concerns, etc. I spoke to him on the phone regularly, and chatted on Yahoo. The day before he was to come to My house, he was very excited, eager, and no longer afraid. I cleared My work schedule to be off that weekend, because I had someothing special planned. He never showed up, and never called. I saw him online (Yahoo) 45 minutes after he was to have been at My house. I sent a quick IM asking what had happened...he never responded. When I sent a message to him on CM, he deleted it unread. And this is the boy who begged to be given the chance to serve. *sigh*

Well, it is certainly nice to hear that there are subs who actually DO show up when they say they will!! Perhaps I shall hang in there a bit longer! *G* Thanks to all for the replies!!

LadyV

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 35

RE: No shows - 3/7/2008 11:02:36 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

I keep an email file and a special section on my phone for no-shows. There's even a special subsection for the blatant time wasters who verge on harassment, as well as for the ones who call to confirm at the appointed time and then no-show. Address hunters creep me the hell out. It's so gratifying to get calls from people who've no-showed me in the past, even a year or two previously, and to be able to tell them that yes, I'm certainly available, but since they no-showed me on X date, they don't get to come in. And they'll keep calling anyway, even after getting busted. Amazing.

When people flake on me for non-professional stuff, like they've made a date to serve me or serve at an event and they break it without giving a really good reason (especially if it's a first date), they get one second chance. Usually, if they've flaked once, they flake the second time and then I won't even take their phone calls.

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 36

RE: No shows - 3/8/2008 10:22:47 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

Speaking on the flip side of the token, sometimes it is incredibly difficult for a person to relize that fantasy is becoming reality, and when that realilty gives them a healthy smack on the rear it becomes incredibly scary.

It seems most sub guys are generally a little shy, scared, and nervous. But the best advice seems to already be on here. I am a firm believer that the best place to meet people is at your local "scene". Be it a munch, play-party, or something else. Its usually a good public venue, with like-minded people. For the very first time, I think the best way to weed out potential no shows is to ask them to attend an event and say you'll be there too.

That was how I met my proper One, first it was a few emails, then yahoo messanger conversations, then MONTHS later we finally met at a local kink party. She had the patience to help me through all my fears, and to help me get up the courage to venture out and meet her, and I have to say.. it was one of the greatest things I could have ever done... was walk out my door that day to go meet her.

I agree 100%. Now if you want to meet me...I will let you know at which lifestyle events I am at and if you show up...great, if not I haven't wasted any time. Also, like TammyJo I am out in the community and if someone is too frightened to attend a munch, demo meeting or play party..they aren't going to be a good match for me anyway.

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 37

RE: No shows - 3/8/2008 12:05:44 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Lady Victoria, I have experienced just one no-show. I was due to meet a male submissive that had contacted me via this site, I won't go into details suffice to say that he was pretty well known on the scene and his excuse for not showing was hilarious, I think it has to be 'up there' as one of the 'greats'. I still laugh when I think of it. Thankfully, whenever I have arranged to meet a potential I have always arranged the meeting to coincide with lunch or dinner in case something like that happens b/c then I can still go on to have something to eat and get on with the rest of my day/evening and no time has actually been wasted.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to LadyVictoria)

Post #: 38

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