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FRSguy -> NO (3/5/2008 1:25:17 PM)
What is your number one reason for saying no to your Dom when it comes to sexual acts within a well established long term relationship with no end in sight? I know that subs are not suppose to use that word...lol but I am assuming that in allmost every relationship there is a point where you have to say no because it just plain goes to far. This comes from me from a lack of understanding when it comes to long term relationships. You kind of plan on spending the rest of your life with a person (in this scenario) so what creates that hard limit or primarily keeps it intact considering that in such a relationship humilliation should be somewhat diminished.

colouredin -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:27:44 PM)
Memories seems to be the biggest one i have come against both myself and other people using it. Painful memories

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:32:26 PM)
who said submissives aren't suppose to say the word "no"? and please state which domly handbook you're quoting your answer from. i have said no to dominants including Daddy before - no reprecussions either.

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:34:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Memories seems to be the biggest one i have come against both myself and other people using it. Painful memories I have come accross this a few times and have wondered if there is any way to embrace a bad memory... my bad memories although bad for me are usually things that have gotten me to where I am or have produced a particular trait in my personality however my worse nightmares cant compare to some of the stories I have heard subs talk about.

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:37:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl who said submissives aren't suppose to say the word "no"? and please state which domly handbook you're quoting your answer from. i have said no to dominants including Daddy before - no reprecussions either. LOL thats funny I actually put that in to try to prevent from getting flammed.... I personaly feel that although there is nothing wrong with it ... it does represent a problem or that a line has been crossed someplace. You could get into a huge discussion on that topic alone.

beargonewild -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:41:46 PM)
quote: NO quote: ORIGINAL: FRSguy What is your number one reason for saying no to your Dom when it comes to sexual acts within a well established long term relationship with no end in sight? I know that subs are not suppose to use that word...lol but I am assuming that in allmost every relationship there is a point where you have to say no because it just plain goes to far. This comes from me from a lack of understanding when it comes to long term relationships. You kind of plan on spending the rest of your life with a person (in this scenario) so what creates that hard limit or primarily keeps it intact considering that in such a relationship humilliation should be somewhat diminished. My number one reason for saying NO to my dom is simple: Even though I do obey my dom 99% of the time, I still also have to listen to my inner voice went it determines what my dom asked is deemed unsafe/illogical or something which was never agreed upon participating in. What creates that hard limit is either being uninformed regarding an activity which I naturally approach with a large measure of caution and fear or when I have sufficient knowledge about an activity which reinforces my cautious nature. This has to be made loud and clear that it DOES NOT indicate any sort of lack of trust towards my dom, it is my inborn sense of self preservation emotionally, physically, mentally or physically.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:46:32 PM)
i don't like to be pushed into something that i don't/wouldn't want to do ...and that's even before the line has been crossed.

TracyTaken -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:52:26 PM)
Our tastes are very similar. I can't imagine him wanting something (there are things neither of us want) that I would say no to offhand, unless I'm having a migraine or something. I can think of things we'd need to talk about though.

xxblushesxx -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 1:57:02 PM)
When I'm ill or overly tired. Other than that, He has never asked me for something I wouldn't readily give Him. (sexually) (I am mostly a pleasure slave...housework is not my forte' lol)

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:16:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TracyTaken Our tastes are very similar. I can't imagine him wanting something (there are things neither of us want) that I would say no to offhand, unless I'm having a migraine or something. I can think of things we'd need to talk about though. Thats pretty much the way I view things should be however over time .... new ideas tend to crop up...lol

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:18:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild quote: NO quote: ORIGINAL: FRSguy What is your number one reason for saying no to your Dom when it comes to sexual acts within a well established long term relationship with no end in sight? I know that subs are not suppose to use that word...lol but I am assuming that in allmost every relationship there is a point where you have to say no because it just plain goes to far. This comes from me from a lack of understanding when it comes to long term relationships. You kind of plan on spending the rest of your life with a person (in this scenario) so what creates that hard limit or primarily keeps it intact considering that in such a relationship humilliation should be somewhat diminished. My number one reason for saying NO to my dom is simple: Even though I do obey my dom 99% of the time, I still also have to listen to my inner voice went it determines what my dom asked is deemed unsafe/illogical or something which was never agreed upon participating in. What creates that hard limit is either being uninformed regarding an activity which I naturally approach with a large measure of caution and fear or when I have sufficient knowledge about an activity which reinforces my cautious nature. This has to be made loud and clear that it DOES NOT indicate any sort of lack of trust towards my dom, it is my inborn sense of self preservation emotionally, physically, mentally or physically. Great answer and very well thought out. You must have answered that one before.

marieToo -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:19:21 PM)
Well, I can't speak for long term lifetime Ds relationships, because all of my Ds relationships have been relatively short-term. But I've never said no yet, whether the act was sexual or something else. That doesn't make me sublier than thou, it just means that I'm willing to do things that I don't think I'm ready to do, and willing to do things that feel risky or uncomfortable. The biggest reason why I can't say no is because I don't feel like I'm submitting wholly if I pick and choose. Another reason is that saying 'no' is more uncomfortable to me than whatever the act is that I don't want to do. I also feel like there's just no other way to do this than to commit (when it feels right, of course) to putting myself and my control in someone else's hands, both mentally and physically. I can't do it half way, with one foot in, and the other foot firmly positioned on safe terrain. There really is no safe terrain anyway. There's no safety net beneath us, and you just might end up getting hurt---that's part of a thrill that sometimes becomes the knife that cuts you open later on, but it's a chance that I personally have to take. I've given it to the wrong person more than once, and sometimes I've had regrets, but in the end not as big a regret as I would have had, had I not given 100%. And I can't imagine this being any different if it was with someone I was with long term. This is just the way it feels for me, I don't claim it should be this way for everyone.

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:30:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Well, I can't speak for long term lifetime Ds relationships, because all of my Ds relationships have been relatively short-term. But I've never said no yet, whether the act was sexual or something else. That doesn't make me sublier than thou, it just means that I'm willing to do things that I don't think I'm ready to do, and willing to do things that feel risky or uncomfortable. The biggest reason why I can't say no is because I don't feel like I'm submitting wholly if I pick and choose. Another reason is that saying 'no' is more uncomfortable to me than whatever the act is that I don't want to do. I also feel like there's just no other way to do this than to commit (when it feels right, of course) to putting myself and my control in someone else's hands, both mentally and physically. I can't do it half way, with one foot in, and the other foot firmly positioned on safe terrain. There really is no safe terrain anyway. There's no safety net beneath us, and you just might end up getting hurt---that's part of a thrill that sometimes becomes the knife that cuts you open later on, but it's a chance that I personally have to take. I've given it to the wrong person more than once, and sometimes I've had regrets, but in the end not as big a regret as I would have had, had I not given 100%. And I can't imagine this being any different if it was with someone I was with long term. This is just the way it feels for me, I don't claim it should be this way for everyone. Your answer is pretty much the reason for me asking this in the forum. As a Dom, your answer is of course how I view things should be however I am definatly in the minority especially because I am a Dom and not a Sub. and have never been asked to the extream so I have no basis of comparison however I view it mainly as a trust issue and kind of like if you dont give it all and hold back then it produces a hungry relationship of sorts. I bet your email box will be full by the end of the day. :)

madshysoul -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:31:39 PM)
I say "No" when needed because I would be in vastly more trouble if I obeyed an order I had reservations about. I am expected to fully communicate whatever happens to be going on in my head, good -or- bad.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:40:41 PM)
My big problem with this topic is that for some reason you think 'no' is a negative answer. "Do you want fries with that?" "No." "Do you want me to beat you until your ribs break?" "No." "I'm going to do XYZ to you." "No." The reason doesn;t matter, it's the simple fact that the intent of the answer is genuine. It's not "No" because I'm a brat and trying to angle for control, it's not 'no' because I'm playing some stupid game of deceit. It's 'no' for a perfectly valid reason, which I will share with my partner openly, and if they can't accept valid answers because they contain the context of 'no', then they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship with me. I know you were targeting specifically kink related incidents, but I don't see how it's different at all. If I'm not in the mood for spaghetti or flogging, I'll say so. Now if the person in question is actually my dominant, they decide whether I eat spaghetti and get flogged, whether I like it or not. Sometimes 'no' just doesn't matter, because I'm merely expressing myself, not makign the decision for him. "Hard limits/soft limits" Don't require a no. Because I establish my limits before hand. If I have to actually say 'no' in a decisive manner which robs my dominant of authority, it means a line has been crossed, by him. By failing to respect my limits he has violated the agreement our power exchange is based on, and I won't lose any sleep over it. I always make sure my limits are understood first, because I don't opperate as a 'no limits' person, i recognize what I do and do not find acceptable. My partner accepts that by being in a relationship with me. If I have to say 'no' to something that we hadn't discussed previously or has communicated poorly, well that's shame on me for not being better at communicating. But I still don't see 'no' as a bad thing. Again, it's all in intent of why you say 'no'. If it's to preserve your well being mentally, emotionally or physically, then say it without guilt or consequence. If it's to preserve your overall happiness and the health of a relationship, then say no!

daddysprop247 -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:50:43 PM)
i would never say "no" to or refuse my Master anything, that is not a right i have as his slave. He can do whatever he wills with me, and if he gives me an order or subjects me to something my place is simply to shut up and immediately obey, no matter what. if i had wanted to be in a relationship where i could say "no" i would not have chosen to be a slave. edited to add, none of the above means that life is easy breezy, far from it. sometimes i will cringe at the thought of going through something and then upon actually doing it will discover that it wasn't so bad after all, and that my Master knew my own strength better than i did. other times it turns out to be every bit as horrific as i imagined it would be and sometimes more so, and it may take me a bit to recover emotionally afterwards. a good Master will know how to deal with such a fallout.

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 2:58:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: madshysoul I say "No" when needed because I would be in vastly more trouble if I obeyed an order I had reservations about. I am expected to fully communicate whatever happens to be going on in my head, good -or- bad. If you are saying that you have to say what you think at the time...... thats cool / interesting / somewhat scary and probably one of the reason for doing so. As a Dom I have come to understand I can really push someone without having any clue that I have done it which kind of sucks in a way because if I do end up pushing someone I want to know about it and guage it.... okay okay so I can be a control freak

FRSguy -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 3:07:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 i would never say "no" to or refuse my Master anything, that is not a right i have as his slave. He can do whatever he wills with me, and if he gives me an order or subjects me to something my place is simply to shut up and immediately obey, no matter what. if i had wanted to be in a relationship where i could say "no" i would not have chosen to be a slave. edited to add, none of the above means that life is easy breezy, far from it. sometimes i will cringe at the thought of going through something and then upon actually doing it will discover that it wasn't so bad after all, and that my Master knew my own strength better than i did. other times it turns out to be every bit as horrific as i imagined it would be and sometimes more so, and it may take me a bit to recover emotionally afterwards. a good Master will know how to deal with such a fallout. I would think that actually being that way would not only not be an easy breeze but is vary courageouse of you. Dealing with such a fallout would not be an easy task and I think its really wonderful that your Master is there 100% and that you can have such a deep trust for him. I certainly dont view your answer as taking an easy way out so to speak and I am writing this with the thoughts that a Dom in an established long term relationship would avoid actually harming a sub/slave in any way and would try to preserve the relationship in other words not trying to break the slave so to speak.

ownedgirlie -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 3:57:59 PM)
In nearly 4 years I haven't said no to him yet and I can not foresee ever saying it. It's just not part of our arrangement for me to say no. And like Daddysprop mentioned, that isn't always easy but Master helps me deal with it, when necessary. This isn't just about sexual or physical activities, either, but life decisions, as well.

Evility -> RE: NO (3/5/2008 4:34:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo The biggest reason why I can't say no is because I don't feel like I'm submitting wholly if I pick and choose. No comment to add - I just thought this was too good to let pass without quoting it again. quote: I've given it to the wrong person more than once, and sometimes I've had regrets, but in the end not as big a regret as I would have had, had I not given 100%. "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney J. Harris

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