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stella41b -> RE: The slap of reality (3/6/2008 10:25:41 PM)
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I totally agree with LadyHathor that reality exists in 90% of a 24/7 relationship, and I respect her wishes to state her requirements and expectations with regard to the relationship.
I see her point clearly. However there are two words in the laundry list which keep recurring and which I find deeply disturbing - 'you must'. If I were to be presented with such a list at the start of a relationship from my own perspective I'd turn and run like hell.
Not because I'm irresponsible. Far from it. But the reality of a relationship is that it involves two people, it's based on interaction between those two people, and as such the relationship needs space and time to be able to grow and develop.
I see no opportunity for such growth here. I just see a set of inflexible demands from someone who has already worked out how the relationship is going to be. This just gives me the impression that I might as well not be me but someone else, which defeats the whole object of entering into the relationship in the first place.
A couple of thoughts come to mind here. If you're not prepared to accept the risk, don't enter or seek to enter a relationship. Relationships are about responsibility, your own and also to the person you're entering into a relationship with. It's from this responsibility that one finds commitment.
Reality also teaches us that nothing in life is guaranteed, and the same can be said of a relationship between two people. You can have all the good intentions you like, you can make all the statements, declarations and say as many words as you like, but relationships are formed and broken from the actions which result from intentions, declarations and words. The past turns into experience, the future is merely wishes, intentions, and the real relationship exists only in the present.
Reality teaches that everything costs - nothing comes for free, and everything gained or enjoyed must in some way be paid for. A relationship is a serious investment, it's a risk, and if you're not prepared to lose and walk away with nothing then you should sit down and consider whether you really want a relationship.
There's also a lot of lonely people out there. Many of them are lonely, and stay lonely, because they convince themselves that they haven't met their 'match'. They look for the ideal right off. Isn't potential much better?
Dreams are wonderful, especially if they're realistic dreams, but ideals and people tend not to go well together. If you're looking for your ideal, then you're probably still a teenager (at least mentally).
You know how it is with men, not just male submissives but all men. Few ever match up to the ideal straight off, so maybe it's best to look for potential. It's just like with looks, he may gain a few pounds round the tummy and lose a few hairs and maybe a couple of teeth, but usually at some point he grows a soul.
Life is short, VERY short. We are all running in a race we're never going to win against the calendar and the clock, and we don't know the distance. Happiness, like true love, kindness and warmth is in short supply, and you rarely find sympathy in the face of the stranger on the street.
Rather than go through life with a frame expecting someone to fit into it, wouldn't it be far better to first appreciate the work of art for what it is, then frame it?
Most people I find treat others as they want to be treated. Respect starts with oneself and works outwards. If you approach someone with an open mind and open heart, usually they will respond. If they don't, they're not worth knowing.
These are just my thoughts on reality. Agree or disagree as you wish, but they're here and available to all for a moment's reflection.
I wish the OP well and sincerely hope she finds who it is she's looking for sooner rather than later.
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