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AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 9:39:24 AM

Fadedangel

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

I’m not sure if I am posting this in the correct forum, but, here’s to trying, eh?
I have had many requests from people whom I have never talked to, for my AIM name or my YAHOO! name. Maybe it’s silly of me, but I prefer not to give out any sort of personal information until I get to know someone better. This is a result of a few bad experiences that have led me to change my messenger names several times. I don’t particularly enjoy talking to people on messenger services before I get to know them, for several reasons. First of all, the art of the ‘awkward silence’ is still very much alive, even in places such as AIM. There are times when I just run out of things to say, or when I don’t feel intellectually challenged by someone. Secondly, it seems like the vast majority of the people I have given my screen name to, have taken that as a personal invitation to ‘talk dirty to me.’ Sadly for them, I am in no way interested in –that- sort of conversation, and even sexual questions asked to me by people I don’t know that well, make me feel uncomfortable.
So here’s my question. Is it rude to reply to a message from someone who has asked for my screen name with something along the lines of, “Hello, and thanks for writing to me. As of right now, I am not giving my screen name out to people whom I haven’t spoken to through email for a little while. It’s nothing personal, just standard practice. If you would still like to talk, I would be more than happy to do so through the email system provided here.” ?
I didn’t think so, but I have been, for lack of a better word, scolded, by people who think that it is a waste of time and energy, not to mention rude to not give them what they want.
So, I’ll throw this one out to all of you.
Thoughts?

_____________________________

I can tell that I'm falling in love with you, bruises prove it's real

Post #: 1

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 9:55:25 AM

TameMeMature

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2004
Status: offline

I agree with you entirely. Instant Messaging is such an invasive function - especially compared to email, which you can read and reply to at your own leisure. I don't "do" im with strangers. I mostly use it with friends who are abroad. I'd personally rather move from email to phone. once I'm clear I'd like to know someone better. The msg you quoted is so polite that if someone had a problem with it, that itself would be a red flag.

TameMeMatre

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 2

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 9:57:44 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fadedangel

So here’s my question. Is it rude to reply to a message from someone who has asked for my screen name with something along the lines of, “Hello, and thanks for writing to me. As of right now, I am not giving my screen name out to people whom I haven’t spoken to through email for a little while. It’s nothing personal, just standard practice. If you would still like to talk, I would be more than happy to do so through the email system provided here.” ?
I didn’t think so, but I have been, for lack of a better word, scolded, by people who think that it is a waste of time and energy, not to mention rude to not give them what they want.
So, I’ll throw this one out to all of you.
Thoughts?

Those "people" are wrong, especially if the request comes in first contact messages. Regardless, your reply is perfectly polite, and since you're a sweet young 20 year old sub, they should be thrilled you are still giving them the opportunity to continue writing to you. (Okay, that's a bit of my Domme attitude, lol, but it still is true.)

Just use their response as an easy way to filter those you *don't* want to continue talking to.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 3

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 10:45:31 AM

ChastityLocked

Posts: 173
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

id prefer talking on AIM over replying to a million e-mails. I see nothing wrong with yahoo or AIM messaging. If you dont like them, you can simply ignore them or block them. I like getting PMs and IMs from people and discussing bondage and fetishes. I see nothing wrong with it.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 4

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 10:50:28 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I never considered a screen name to be "personal information", but to each their own. Your message about preferring e-mail, Fadeangel, is beautifully written - who would get offended over that?

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 5

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 11:14:13 AM

subkitten32

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

Everyone has different preferences. I don't think of my yahoo or MSN as personal info either, I can always block someone. However your response is very well written Fadedangel, so who would have a problem with that?

kitten

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)

Post #: 6

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 11:28:37 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I give my screen name out without a second thought. It's easier to me than e-mail, and if I don't like someone I can block them.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to subkitten32)

Post #: 7

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 11:30:09 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

If you do not wish to give out your aim/msn/yahoo then don't. Your response is articulate and well thought out and anyone scolding you for such would, well - for myself - that would earn them immediate block.

I share my MSN or such with people I wish and feel comfortable with. Not everyone. I offer those I wish to have that knowlwdge and they either accept or at least know that they can have it whenever they wish. I would just say to ignore such outbursts and do what is best for you.

That said, your personal details do not have to show on msn or any of the other messengers. The way people can access private information is by accepting files via messengers because they may contain virus' so that the sender can hack pcs or read you address books.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 8

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 2:34:22 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

No it is not rude. You are quite upfront with the reasons you don't wish to give out your AIM or Yahoo name. If after explaining that to a person who has messaged you, that person scolds you, just click the IGNORE/BLOCK button. Exchanging messages back and forth may not be the easiest way to communicate but until YOU feel comfortable giving out your AIM/Yahoo name, you DON'T HAVE TO. In some ways, look at it as a good way to weed out those who are impatient, unreasonable and disrespectful to your decisions. Isn't it better to know this BEFORE you spend a lot of time with them?

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 9

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 2:52:28 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fadedangel

So here’s my question. Is it rude to reply to a message from someone who has asked for my screen name with something along the lines of, “Hello, and thanks for writing to me. As of right now, I am not giving my screen name out to people whom I haven’t spoken to through email for a little while. It’s nothing personal, just standard practice. If you would still like to talk, I would be more than happy to do so through the email system provided here.” ?

Absolutely not rude. That's very well phrased and polite. Anyone wishing to continue contact should be coureous and respect your request. You may be a submissive, but until you've negotiated your surrender, you aren't THEIR submissive.

And everyone online has a safe word... it's called the Power Off button.... *lol*

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 10

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 3:15:43 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

It's not rude, but I have to say it would turn me off. I don't consider a Yahoo or AIM screen name "personal information." So if someone doesn't want to give it out, I'd understand and respect that, but I'd also get the strong feeling that I'm never going to meet the person.

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 11

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 3:26:21 PM

DrkAngl

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline

I don't like using yahoo either. Reason? Have you ever tried being female and logging on merely wanting to check messages, then you suddenly get 5 or maybe more people on your list messaging you all demanding attention at the same time?

That's what it's like for most women, be they kinky or vanilla. So, I choose not to use anything but collarme either email or the chat rooms. To me it's less intrusive and I can save it for those I really want to talk to.

Another problem I have is that my computer is only 20GB and the newest versions of the chat programs either lock up my computer or, like yahoo, eat up all my icons. LOL yep, nothing like having a little yahoo smiley or some other garbage all over your screen. Was annoying, then it locks up my computer too.

< Message edited by DrkAngl -- 9/24/2005 3:28:58 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 12

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 3:38:28 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Just go invisible. Hell, that's what I do. If there's someone you want to talk to, you can always message them. So that's exactly what would bother me about a response like the OP's. Basically it means: "I'm not ready to talk to you (though I'm being polite about it)." If someone isn't ready to talk today, there's not much use in waiting for the day when they might decide they're ready.

(in reply to DrkAngl)

Post #: 13

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 4:43:59 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fadedangel

So here’s my question. Is it rude to reply to a message from someone who has asked for my screen name with something along the lines of, “Hello, and thanks for writing to me. As of right now, I am not giving my screen name out to people whom I haven’t spoken to through email for a little while. It’s nothing personal, just standard practice. If you would still like to talk, I would be more than happy to do so through the email system provided here.” ?
I didn’t think so, but I have been, for lack of a better word, scolded, by people who think that it is a waste of time and energy, not to mention rude to not give them what they want.
So, I’ll throw this one out to all of you.
Thoughts?

Personally, I would change "As of right now" to "At this time," or "It is my policy not to..." The reason being that someone could perceive the former to mean that you DID give out your AIM or Yahoo name before, but decided upon receiving THEIR email that you weren't going to do it any more. It COULD be perceived as an insult.

Beyond that, you're perfectly within your rights to choose not to communicate via IM. And if someone has a problem with it... are they really someone you wanted to get to know anyway?

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 14

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 5:59:24 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

I prefer email over any chat program. Because of this, quite a few CollarMe subs get pissy. I enjoy email because it is an opportunity for them to share a complete thought on a screen (and proofread it) before sending.

In chat, it is basically being at the whim of their schedule, not mine. If they send me an email, I can read it at my leisure, reply with thoughtfulness and clarity and respond to them. There is no demand for time. I tend not to sit at my computer screen and wait for someone to pay attention to me. There is no appeal there.

I want a person who can communicate in complete thoughts, not just one sentence (or blurb) at a time. Because of that reason, email serves me better.

Purr

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 15

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 6:18:25 PM

Fadedangel

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for all your thoughts. Perhaps I should clear something up however.
If I have the opportunity to talk to someone even a little through email, or if I find their profile to be one that I feel is compatible with myself, I will give out my screen name. It's the people who message me with ONLY the words, "Hey, what's your screen name?" and then, when I go to check their profile, it's blank, that make me nervous and so therefore, I'd like a few more exchanges, just to get a general picture of how this person is. I certainly wouldn't give my phone number to a complete stranger, which in itself has caused me drama in real life, and I don't really see how AIM or YAHOO is any different. I agree with some of the people who say email gives you an opportunity to reply at your own pace, and I am one of those people who is signed on to AIM all the time, but am rarely at my computer for large amounts of time. I would think that it would get more annoying to have to deal with constant messages from me saying, "Hey, I have to go, I'll be back later." than just allowing me to correspond via email until I feel comfortable enough to get to that point.
But again, these are just my thoughts.
Thanks for yours.

_____________________________

I can tell that I'm falling in love with you, bruises prove it's real

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 16

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 6:19:48 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

didn’t think so, but I have been, for lack of a better word, scolded, by people who think that it is a waste of time and energy, not to mention rude to not give them what they want.

Well as MANY on this site are famous for saying you are a sub not a doormat!! If you don't feel comfortable doing it & you are not in a relationship with the person then their rights to be demanding are limited. I personally don't like giving my IM info to just anyone, people that will PM me in chat then demand to move to yahoo to me seem very odd. They want to talk privately when we are well...already talking privately...hummm odd. I've had all kinds of pressure to give this info including ones I haven't heard since jr high...if you REALLY liked me you will ___. I find that these kinds of manipulations are usually coming from horney lil boys wanting a cyber fix that never even BOTHERED to read my profile because all females are subs right (LMAO) they are usually confused when my red headed Domme surfaces & polite goes flying out the window...very odd they seem to leave chat & not return who'd have thought.

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 17

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 6:42:48 PM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
Status: offline

I personally would not give out my Aim or yahoo names either. I just feel that is *my* space for those I have chosen to communicate with on a regular basis. If you make it to that list then great, if you cannot be patient enough to get there ... well I would have no interest.

CM has site email so that you can feel free to get to know others without the pressure of having to block them from your dedicated IM or email prefrences. We also offer the block user option should you decide the person you were talking with is just "not your type".

Once you move off of CM it is a bit more work and an annoyance to get rid of them. But it is your decission.

So, original question.. do I think it rude? No, not in the least. You need to do what makes you comfortable.

Mod3

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 18

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 8:48:48 PM

ChastityLocked

Posts: 173
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

well, you can say if the e-mailing goes well, then u can give him or her the screen name. I dont feel how a AIM/Yahoo name can give away personal info. I wouldnt wanna have a inbox flooded with messages and all. Ill give my screen name out to anyone who wants it, within reason. The block and accept message feature is great. Also, as someone mentioned, the invisable feature is nice, and both yahoo and aim offer it. you can also make a seperate screen name for just people u give it out to, and link it on your original buddy list. You can tell people whatever you want, and what if it is rude to them? you shouldnt care too much, seeing you'll never talk to them again or ever meet them. There ARE some nice guys out there, and there ARE guys who just wanna chat and nothing more

(in reply to ModeratorThree)

Post #: 19

RE: AIM/YAHOO - 9/24/2005 9:12:37 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

It's very different. AIM and Yahoo IM are really just like instant e-mail. Someone who knows your phone number can call at any time and your phone will ring. Someone who knows your Yahoo ID can IM you at any time, but you won't get the message unless you're logged on. You don't have to answer. You can go invisible if you want to be online and don't want people to know. And you can always block the offending user if you're tired of him or her.

Finally, tracking down a threatening IM is a lot easier than tracking down a threatening phone call. Both can be done, but it's a bigger hassle if it's a telephone caller. Believe me, I've been through both.

Edited to add: Oh, another thing. Someone unscrupulous could find out a lot of information about you with your phone number. It's a lot harder to find out information about you from a Yahoo ID.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fadedangel

I certainly wouldn't give my phone number to a complete stranger, which in itself has caused me drama in real life, and I don't really see how AIM or YAHOO is any different.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 9/24/2005 9:13:18 PM >

(in reply to Fadedangel)

Post #: 20

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