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Titles - 9/24/2005 10:54:49 AM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
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Hello Ladies. I would like to ask a question with all sincerity and respect. I have heard Female Dominants called Dominatrix(es?), Dominas, and Dommes.

Where do all the different titles come from? Are there differences? Please understand I am not trying to be a wiseass.... but inquiring minds wanna know....

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 11:54:52 AM

MistressGrace07

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From: Chicago
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(according to the dictionary)

Dominatrix: A Domme; it implies being a professional.
Domina: [Latin, lady] the mistress of the family; lady; wife (usually a Female Dominant who is married)
Domme: A female Dominant. Can also be used interchangeably with Mistress

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 2:41:01 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
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From: Hendersonville, NC
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MistressGrace, I want to say thank You for replying. I was beginning to think I shouldn't have posted that. I also appreciate Your sharing Your knowledge with Me. I have always wondered the difference.

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 3:41:04 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGrace07

(according to the dictionary)

Dominatrix: A Domme; it implies being a professional.
Domina: [Latin, lady] the mistress of the family; lady; wife (usually a Female Dominant who is married)
Domme: A female Dominant. Can also be used interchangeably with Mistress

According to which dictionary?

~stef

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 4:04:13 PM

darkinshadows

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Hello RainGod.

I do have to say, I have not found a dictionary that uses Graces' explainations. I would be interested to know which dictionary it was. I have a dictionary fetish - I collect them... so I do have a few (well over 200)

The word Domina was a title given to ladies who held a barony in their own right(not by marriage)
Domina in the latin is for lady.

In BDSM circles - it relates to a female dominant, although the word itself only exists as noun as above.

Domme as a word does not exist outside BDSM. Its really a lazy way of typing 'Domina' online interactions. Both Dom and Domme are abreviations for the word Dominant. However the word Dominant as a noun does not exist. So, you cannot be a 'Dominant'. But it does exist as an adjective as in 'a dominant personality'. It is just one of those words that are used.

A Dominatrix is described as a dominating woman or - or a woman who acts out the role of domination over another person.
A dominatrix is the female equivilant to a dominant as refered in many BDSM dictionaries.

I hope this assists you.

Peace and Love

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 4:48:22 PM

MsPurrmeow

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You will find that the usage of these changes according to a persons point of reference. Those who were brought up in the lifestyle in the East will often use different terms than those on the West side. Folks who received training and education around the Europeans or in those countries tend to use terms that are even more different.

From years of posts on this site, I think it's fairly well understood that the "usage in THIS forum" will generally tilt toward the following: (No, I don't have a dictionary that says this)

Dominatrix - professional

Domme, Dom or Domina - these can all be used as the female variant of the Dominant partner in a relationship. It seems to be a consensus that the use of Domina is most acceptable (at least among those who are vocal in these forums.)

Note: Don't generally call someone Mistress right off the bat unless you are told to. Everyone has different preferences. The best thing to do is to address a person respectfully using their name and ask specifically what HER preference is before using any title at all.

Keep an open mind and make no assumptions. You'll be fine.

Purr

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 5:01:42 PM

RainGod

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Ladies, I want to say thank you all again. However, now I have thought of another question. I have always assumed the word "Domme" was pronounced "Dom-ay". I sometimes hear it pronounced "Dommy" and it is unsettling to not know which pronounciation is considered correct usage.
Anyone know the proper one?

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 5:05:38 PM

MsPurrmeow

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Domme is pronouced precisely the way you would pronounce "Dom"

If they say "Dommaaaay" or "dommeeeee", just cover your ears and walk away.

Use the same pronunciation you would for belle, or femme.

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 5:18:49 PM

darkinshadows

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I have always used the word as MsPurrmeow has stated on the rare occasion I may use the word(Dom for Domme not domay nor dommy). However, I would usually use the word Domina, unless otherwise instructed and I was within a point of submission or service to that person. But 99% of the time, it is the Ladys Name. I am blessed by being permitted to use the term ''m'Lady'' with female dominants I hold in high regard and respect.

Peace and Love

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 6:52:56 PM

ragdoll

Posts: 231
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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

Ladies, I want to say thank you all again. However, now I have thought of another question. I have always assumed the word "Domme" was pronounced "Dom-ay". I sometimes hear it pronounced "Dommy" and it is unsettling to not know which pronounciation is considered correct usage.
Anyone know the proper one?

it's my opinion that only "Americans" who've had most of their BDSM experience online mis-pronounce "Domme" as "Dom-may" or "Dom-my" (since the spelling "Domme" is mostly an online thing anyways - i think)... but.. as already said, it's pronounced the same as "Dom"

Just like "Femme" is pronounced "Fem" ... and not "Fem-may" or "Fem-me".

hehheh... like MsPurrmeow said.. if you hear people pronounce it the other ways... cover your ears!.. heheh...

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RE: Titles - 9/24/2005 11:43:50 PM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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I have a novel idea...

If you really want to know what the term means & how to pronounce it, why not ask that question to the person you would be personally interacting with?

Asking here is good, but I can just see where it may not be handy if you are speaking with a dominant woman & she has entirely different meanings or maybe she would prefer to pronounce it dom-may or dom-me. Can you just picture it?? Correcting her because a bunch of strangers online said that only people who are trained/learned online say it that way or define it that way. Ouch!

Terms & defining them is the one consistency you can count on within this lifestyle... people are going to consistently disagree with each other about what they mean, how they are spelled & how to pronounce them.

MstrssPassion

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RE: Titles - 9/25/2005 10:47:26 AM

MistressKay

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In the online world Domme denotes female, Dom denotes male - but these differences do not exist in the real world (you will never hear this is "domme Kay" in real life - you will hear this is Kay and she is a Dom). It was simply an easy way to signify gender in relationship to dominance.

Funny that submission (or sub) hasn't found that gender specific reference in the online world - but then again with all the types of submissives - male, female, transgendered, transexuals, transvestities, etc.) it is difficult to assign a gender to anyone anymore.

With reference to dominatrix - that is a "domina" who performs "tricks" for money (trix or tricks is slang used by the prostitution industry). In most bdsm communities the use of dominatrix for a lifestyler is considered the ultimate insult.

I personally use dominatrix for teaching perposes because the average vanilla person knows what a dominatrix is - from there I can educate them in the differences between what consenting adults do for fun and the abuse that most associate with the world of the dominatrix.

In the end - it's all just semantics - find what works for you and when in doubt ask who you are talking to. You will find there are as many different definitions as there are different kinks. No two people are the same and how they interpret words and the meaning behind them will be different depending on too many variables to list.

Don't get hung up on titles - it's who a person is on the inside that defines them, not what they call themselves on the outside.

Lady Kay
Ottawa ON Canada

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