Self-understanding: switch or not switch?

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Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 3:41:34 AM

EntangledInChaos

Posts: 9
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Hello all,

In the process of understanding my personal desires, I sometimes make progress by the means of a new perspective. Interesting experience, of course, when you feel this new perspective tickles your mind.
This was rather the case yesterday, after a discussion with a friend, when came out a new self-question for which I still don't have a clean answer.

I would define myself as a "mainly submissive switch". By "mainly" I mean as far as 90-95 %. It's almost completely virtual, so far, in my desires and fantasies. I feel uncomfortable with this position however, most probably by lack of "real-life" confrontation, and lack of understanding: I don't get why I still appreciate the idea to dominate a woman, while at the same times, I crave to being (completely) submitted by one.
I already know it's not the domination/submission attract -regarless of the position- (as if I would adapt to the person with whom I would share my life).
So yesterday, the question appeared in my mind: wouldn't I qualify myself switch, because I crave for the woman who can contain my dominant desires? for the woman that can dominate/repress my dominant part?
Wouldn't I seek for a kind of "fight for supremacy" with a woman? A fight I would fight -of course- but would deeply and ultimately wish to loose?
This is where I am, with this reflection.

Thanks for reading, and for your possible replies :)

Post #: 1

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 10:47:45 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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The beauty is you can call yourself what you want, if you want to switch then call yourself a switch if you want to sub call yourself a sub, its up to you, whatever you feel comfy with. If you are mostly looking for a relationship in which you submit maybe having submissive on your profile would help with that becuase it helps with searches, but thats the only thing

"a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"

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(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 2

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 11:35:06 AM

AWingedGuardian

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Even though you tend to have a majority of Dom tendencies, it is indeed possible to clarify yourself as a Switch. Personally, I'd call you what I call an "Alpha Switch", which is where you tend to be a Dominant mindset more often than not, much like myself. In a closer perspective, I'd say that perhaps you haven't found a female capable of dominating you yet, which is understandable at times; this just means you may wish to consider yourself a full-on Dom, or perhaps Alpha Switch until you know for certain that you appreciate a woman dominating you. Although I will give this last tid bit of advice; be wary once you claim to be a Switch...because all of a sudden....Dom/me's may treat you differently...same with Sub's....because you're considered what's "straddling the fence, and not sure what they wish to be."....Anyhow...that's my opinion...

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 3

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 12:21:18 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EntangledInChaos

I would define myself as a "mainly submissive switch". By "mainly" I mean as far as 90-95 %.

Sorry to AWG, most identifies with sub not Dom, but i agree with your last point about being treated differantly

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 4

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 1:05:53 PM

EntangledInChaos

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
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Thanks for taking time to reply.

Well, I understand afterward that the post title is not completely adapted Mea culpa...
In fact, I want to reassure it's less a question of naming than a question of self-definition/understanding, which I'm still in the process of (regardless -even- of the practise in real life).

The reason why I set "switch" in the profile, is just because I thought that's what would define the most closely, at the current moment. Being here for discussion only, I just think (and hope) it won't matter much.

< Message edited by EntangledInChaos -- 3/8/2008 1:17:50 PM >

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 1:10:21 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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At the end of the day the only person you have to answer to is yourself, end of, you have to be who you are and do what makes you happy sometimes over questioning yourself jsut makes things worse. If you define yourself as switch then thats what you are, no matter how close to the other you feel, its being you that matters if people judge you on it then my assumption would be they are not the kind of person that you want to associate with anyways

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 6

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 1:14:08 PM

EntangledInChaos

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AWingedGuardian

Even though you tend to have a majority of Dom tendencies, it is indeed possible to clarify yourself as a Switch. Personally, I'd call you what I call an "Alpha Switch", which is where you tend to be a Dominant mindset more often than not, much like myself. In a closer perspective, I'd say that perhaps you haven't found a female capable of dominating you yet, which is understandable at times; this just means you may wish to consider yourself a full-on Dom, or perhaps Alpha Switch until you know for certain that you appreciate a woman dominating you. Although I will give this last tid bit of advice; be wary once you claim to be a Switch...because all of a sudden....Dom/me's may treat you differently...same with Sub's....because you're considered what's "straddling the fence, and not sure what they wish to be."....Anyhow...that's my opinion...

I think you pushed your finger on the right point: Maybe another -better- way to express the idea I had in mind when writing my first post.

(in reply to AWingedGuardian)

Post #: 7

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 3:39:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Are you sure you wish occasionally to dominate a woman? Or is it possibly just the idea of doing evil things to her that you enjoy? You can be a sadistic submissive.

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(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 8

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/8/2008 3:56:18 PM

Level

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Yeah, OP, what do you want?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/9/2008 3:48:33 AM

EntangledInChaos

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Joined: 3/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Are you sure you wish occasionally to dominate a woman? Or is it possibly just the idea of doing evil things to her that you enjoy? You can be a sadistic submissive.

This maybe something I should reflect on thanks.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/9/2008 3:50:56 AM

EntangledInChaos

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Joined: 3/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Yeah, OP, what do you want?

Maybe the lack of sleep (), but I don't get your question?

(By the way, what does "OP" stand for?)

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 11

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/9/2008 8:27:00 AM

Level

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"OP" means original post, or original poster, that's all.

I was just asking, what do you want from BDSM? as a way to maybe shed light on your question of "switch or not switch?".

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 12

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/9/2008 9:30:45 AM

EntangledInChaos

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

"OP" means original post, or original poster, that's all.

I was just asking, what do you want from BDSM? as a way to maybe shed light on your question of "switch or not switch?".

Thanks for enlighting me.

What I want from BDSM? Well it's a desire, isn't it?
The only "problem" I have, is to get sure of what I want/need (in/from BDSM), to say so.
And to know, I need self-understanding.
Discussing directly or inderictly about that helped me much in understanding myself and know my desires. That's the reason why I am here.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 13

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/9/2008 9:48:21 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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I understand, talking about one's feelings can indeed help you figure out what matters to you. Switching can be a glorious thing, allowing you to touch all facets of your self, and it can be a pain, causing confusion.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 14

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/21/2008 7:17:29 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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I am a new switch, in that, I have only recently acted out my Dominant side with a sub. I enjoy being in control and having my sub do as I say, but it has become natural for me to sink into my submissive cloud with Him. Daddy says it is worth trying out and I agree. So, I think whether you are sub, Dom, switch, fuzzy, evil, or whatever you choose, try it and see. If it isn't for you, you'll know. And if it is, you'll be glad you found out.

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Post #: 15

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 3/27/2008 7:42:41 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

I am a bit confused. Many subs I've encountered (male especially) turn me off because it's too easy to assert my will over them. Some doms irritate me, and i just want to sass them. I have an urge to fight against being controlled, but I am bored by the idea of someone who will always do exactly what I want. I want to dom the doms? I don't know. Looking at this post, it looks like I'm fairly dominant, but I am so intrigued by the idea of being made into someone's pet, too. Ok, I'm still confused.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 16

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 4/1/2008 12:39:33 PM

EntangledInChaos

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
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Thanks to all for replies, comments, thoughts. This has been an enlighting source for my reflections, even though I didn't came out yet with a satisfactory/fullfilling outcome.

"...perhaps you haven't found a female capable of dominating you yet..."
titleAndStar(6,0,0,false,"","".
AWingedGuardian, I think you have definitively put your finger on something...

This strives as a corollary to my thought about having a dominant woman strong enough to repress my own domination desires.Yet I guess that she would need to "fight" for it.
I suppose that it's a bit like what you feel, midgetmafiosa. You say you urge to fight a dominant mate, but at the same time would like to be resisted when you are in a dominant position.
Maybe that it is this "fight" that is in fact the hidden key to these desires? The need that submitting/surrendering is earned, gained, expressed, not simply "obtained" by mutual consentment?

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

Post #: 17

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 4/1/2008 8:57:41 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

Entangled - Recently, I met a switch man who seems to have the missing pieces. Nothing is set in stone, of course, but it certainly seems like it. He has the ability to make me want to do things for him, try things for him, and submit to him, but also makes me want to climb on top and punish him. All in the course of the same scenario. I think I understand now why so many switches like other switches. It's this intrinsic need to be everything all at once. The push-pull that just doesn't happen in a "traditional" (haha) D/s relationship. I hope that helps us both!

(in reply to EntangledInChaos)

Post #: 18

RE: Self-understanding: switch or not switch? - 4/23/2008 1:34:06 AM

impossiblesub

Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: midgetmafiosa

I am a bit confused. Many subs I've encountered (male especially) turn me off because it's too easy to assert my will over them. Some doms irritate me, and i just want to sass them. I have an urge to fight against being controlled, but I am bored by the idea of someone who will always do exactly what I want. I want to dom the doms? I don't know. Looking at this post, it looks like I'm fairly dominant, but I am so intrigued by the idea of being made into someone's pet, too. Ok, I'm still confused.

This is kinda the way I am as well. There are a lot of factors regarding dominance some of which people seem to not be aware of. Think about what kind of person you would want to be your Dom and what qualities they would have, and then look for someone like that to be your Dom. Perhaps you just want a regular marriage with two equal partners who are both switches and play at BDSM. Then you could fulfill all of the above. Maybe you want a Daddy dom who will let you have your way some, but be in control most of the time.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/23/2008 1:41:45 AM >

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

Post #: 19

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