stella41b
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Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
I did finally come to understand that he does prefer femme more than his male side and struggles with it. He isn't sure why he considers himself "bi" other than to say he enjoys pleasing both, has never been in a loving relationship with a male but has had casual sex, OFTEN. He doesn't dislike his male parts but he doesn't like them either.
Okay, maybe I can help as I see where he is coming from. When you go from one gender to another it's a process. This strikes me clearly as gender dysphoria, but you know, it takes a lot of courage, will and strength to go and suddenly say you're actually the opposite gender. You may feel this, you may think this, but you need to know.
He was raised as a boy, and it's these inner feelings of wanting to be female come into conflict with his upbringing, socialization, his whole life.
He's had casual sex often with men because these are usually the only ones interested in having any sort of a relationship with someone transgendered. To them he's an experience, an experiment, nothing more. Something they can admit to to their friends or brag about over a couple of beers. His desire to please while may be genuine and/or also a cry for acceptance, closeness, emotional support, understanding. His whole life is falling apart around him, is he male? Is he female? Who can he turn to?
He's probably meeting 'admirers', guys who just want to get laid with a 'trannie'.There are a few, and it is a few men who have a fetish for intimate relationships with the transgendered, but once the guy has got what he wants he's out the door, usually never to be seen again. No chance to explain, as the guy's probably surfed the Net and browsed a few of the chicks with dicks website. The guy genuinely believes that this is what all the transgendered are like.
There's also another reason. Some guys seek out transgendered females or 'trannies' to have a homosexual experience with them. These guys claim to be straight, they claim to have wives, and somehow having sex with a TV or CD and engaging in 'oral' and 'anal' means that they can have a homosexual experience and still believe that they're 100% heterosexual.
He's never had a loving relationship because these are few and far between for transgendered. Most people look upon the transgendered as a kink, as trying to be someone they're not, and most other people understand and accept and even sympathize with the transgendered but don't want anything to do with them. Those who have loving relationships with either men or women are lucky.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
Though I've allowed him to be in femme attire at events he still confesses to being uncomfortable because it's new to him. Meaning the ablility to do so in a group of people that do not judge him and are very accepting.
This is because he hasn't been socialized as a female and feels very insecure in such situations. This insecurity stems from his gender confusion.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
It appears to me that he has problems with both sides of his psyche and it is as I suspected.
Any advice?
Faye
This to me looks like gender confusion and a clear case of gender dysphoria. He needs to see a doctor, preferably a good psychiatrist with a knowledge or awareness of gender issues. This would help him clear up any confusion and also validate his feelings either way.
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