quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures
Once you are ready to meet a Dom in real life, do NOT cyber with Him; you'll never learn anything about Him as a Man if you do.

Second, much as you may feel loved and cared for by your cyber buddy, i would never recommend actually meeting Him. There's way too much sexual tension and expectations between you that probably won't match.

pinkpleasures

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

Hello tommy - welcome to the forum!

You will find that there is definately a class system building in some sections of the BDSM community that suggests one section of people are less important than another. Cyber is one of those.

People tend to see cyber as a form used purely by trolls and geeks. So what if people want to 'get their rocks off' by cybering? Some people use bondage to 'get their rocks of'... caning, rubber - one mans fetish is another mans tool.
And yes, for some cybers a quick fix. For others, it is just that - a fetish.

So those people who rubbish you for chosing a path of cybering, just ignore them as their ability to give positive feedback is flawed by their misunderstanding.

That said, do not be under the impression that you can learn BDSM that occurs in 'realtime' from an online interaction. The whole two subjects are completely different. They are like Roast beef and Yorksire pudding. You can have them together at the same time, or apart at different times of the day - but one is a meat and the other isn't.

If it is real time interation that you are craving, dont get invovled with BDSM online cyber and expect them to be the same. Touch, pain and fantasy fullfillment are very different to fantasy online. Online you can be whatever you want to be - offline, realness will bring you back to earth. But that doesnt mean your fantasy cannot be fulfilled offline.

There are lots of books you can be recommended to get going. The Loving Dominant, SM101, are just a couple to mention. Don't think everyone is your Mistress and dont assume its just about you. Read online too. This forum is particularly good for getting questions answered from different points of view, as long as you are prepared to take a battering every now and then (no one suggested it would be easy) Find a local munch and meet people who are involved in BDSM. Do not jump in head first and just take your time or you may find yourself becoming burnt by the whole experience. Trust your own instincts. Submissive personalities have the ability and right to say no.

If its online you want then go into a chat room. I doubt you will find much in the way of cyber in the forum. Be honest and open about what you are wanting but try to remember not to be selfish. For most people BDSM is about growth, and not selfish endeavours. And above all, be willing to learn and move on. And do what makes you comfortable - don't just follow the crowd.

Peace and Love

quote:

ORIGINAL: tommyV

Where can a guy find a girl for some cyber scenes here at collarme.com? I'm new to BDSM, and am trying to just see what it is like. But I don't know how to get started...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja

quote:

ORIGINAL: tommyV

Where can a guy find a girl for some cyber scenes here at collarme.com? I'm new to BDSM, and am trying to just see what it is like. But I don't know how to get started...

If you're looking for "cyber" you might want to try irc.b*o*n*d*a*g*e.com. Take out all the * first. The collarme software won't let me type it directly. ;)

sudja

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures


But in the meantime, go for it; beats doing laundry.

pinkpleasures

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

So those people who rubbish you for chosing a path of cybering, just ignore them as their ability to give positive feedback is flawed by their misunderstanding.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

So those people who rubbish you for chosing a path of cybering, just ignore them as their ability to give positive feedback is flawed by their misunderstanding.

What's flawed is a belief that anyone who offers an opposing opinion lacks understanding.

And telling someone what they wanna hear hardly qualifies as "positive feedback"....

Focus51.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

So those people who rubbish you for chosing a path of cybering, just ignore them as their ability to give positive feedback is flawed by their misunderstanding.

What's flawed is a belief that anyone who offers an opposing opinion lacks understanding.

And telling someone what they wanna hear hardly qualifies as "positive feedback"....

Focus51.

It is only a misundersatind that is flawed when a person dismissing doesn't actually know that person, like your reaction here and your misinterpretation for example - if that makes sense?

I did not say that people who disagree with cyber are wrong. Their belief is right for them.
But that their belief is probably wrong for a person who believes in cyber. The lack of knowledge of the person involved makes their feedback flawed. Because they are only giving their personal opinion, not taking into consideration outside of themselves - ie - the OP. Personal opinion is great but will always contain flaws for another person, because it is personal.

I am not telling them what they want to hear - I am explaining them what I think. Which of course is flawed - for them - because it is only a single, personal opinion.

Lots of people give opinons and ask for them and expect perfection. Perfection does not exist in vicarious life of questions. Flaws occur and without them, then life would be very boring - don't you think?

Peace and Love

I think you're demonstrating an ability to split hairs that would rival halving the atom....

I certainly questioned his seeking of cyber and I reasonably think that squarely put me in your sights as one who "rubbished" his chosen "path of cybering"....

And no, you didn't say I (or we) was wrong, granted. You merely said: "just ignore them as their ability to give positive feedback is flawed by their misunderstanding". But "wrong", no....

And don't you think these boards would be virtually barren if the giving of advice was limited to those with personal knowledge of the OP? Often the best advice comes from those with nothing invested in the outcome - we're not compromised by emotions or bias.

Focus51.

quote:

And don't you think these boards would be virtually barren if the giving of advice was limited to those with personal knowledge of the OP? Often the best advice comes from those with nothing invested in the outcome - we're not compromised by emotions or bias.

Focus51.

Of course you are quite correct. But it is a fact that most (not all) opinions are biased. Therefore flawed. If the OP was someone asking if cyber was a good thing then yes I would agree with you that all ideas from everyone was the way to go - even though flawed. But the OP wasnt asking that. They were asking for guidence to cyber - and total negative comments on 'cybers crap and you will be worthless and less of a person for doing it' with lots of piss taking and laughs - is not a positive thing to be told, especially to a new beginner. It can put people off posting again. I think advising to ignore such remarks and to do what feels good for them is positive.Doesn't dismiss the piss takers, just shows that they do have an invested income in stopping those who enjoy cyber.

I think we basically agree Focus, just in our own, flawed ways....

Peace and Love

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

quote:

And don't you think these boards would be virtually barren if the giving of advice was limited to those with personal knowledge of the OP? Often the best advice comes from those with nothing invested in the outcome - we're not compromised by emotions or bias.

Focus51.

Of course you are quite correct. But it is a fact that most (not all) opinions are biased. Therefore flawed. If the OP was someone asking if cyber was a good thing then yes I would agree with you that all ideas from everyone was the way to go - even though flawed. But the OP wasnt asking that. They were asking for guidence to cyber - and total negative comments on 'cybers crap and you will be worthless and less of a person for doing it' with lots of piss taking and laughs - is not a positive thing to be told, especially to a new beginner. It can put people off posting again. I think advising to ignore such remarks and to do what feels good for them is positive.Doesn't dismiss the piss takers, just shows that they do have an invested income in stopping those who enjoy cyber.

I think we basically agree Focus, just in our own, flawed ways....

Peace and Love

quote:

“Real” D/S requires only ONE thing to be such - there must be a >real< power differential. In other words, submission and dominance. Hence the term “D/s”.

There is NOTHING about submission or dominance that requires physical force, or physical interaction. Thus, a non physical relationship can absolutely include D/s - thus it can be real.

I know of many, many meatspace relationships that are 24/7 and have absolutely no reality in them. They words dominance and submission are used - yet neither exist. They live a lie, a fantasy, and an illusion that they create and maintain.

They fact that they have to share rent and bills adds no reality to this.

I’ve said it before and it remains true… the ONLY thing required for dominance is the ability to convey stimulus to the submissive. If you can do that, then the potential for dominance exists.

Are there differences? Of course. But then, there are so many DIFFERENT types of relationships that these differences are irrelevant to the reality involved. Just because living together may bring with it some difficulties sure doesn?t make it more “real”.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

much as you may feel loved and cared for by your cyber buddy, i would never recommend actually meeting Him. There's way too much sexual tension and expectations between you that probably won't match.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
my suggestion is to browse the pro Domme profiles, and see if any of those offer cyber as a choice.

Disclaimer: I don't know IF any Professional dommes offer this, this is just a suggestion.