quote:

ORIGINAL: derfrewop

Any so called Dom who ignores a sub in distress is simply a rapist. When you are untied, immediately pick up the flogger, whip etc and beat the shit out of him, he earned it.

That said, I think the problem here is probably being caused by you. That you have been raped (molested, abused etc) and have ongoing problems and issues is simply not all that uncommon amongst subs. Or Dominates for that matter. My personal and entirely anectdotal feeling is that most experienced Dom have dealt with issues in this area. From again personal experience, working though the issues of power, control, helplessness that lie at the heart of BDSM can be extremely helpful in dealing with these issues. But not if it catches a Dom by surprise. From your post, it sounds as if this violation of boundries has happened multiple times with multiple Doms. If this is the case, the common denominator is you.

You know what things tend to be triggers for your PTSD flashbacks. Again, any experienced Dom who is told that something is likely to trigger a traumatic flashback is going to approach it with all the care and consideration appropriate to defusing a bomb. Most won't even come close to those areas until they have a very solidly established base of trust and a good grip on how your personality operates.

There really is only three possibilites here

1) You are playing with inexperienced idiots. Choose somebody with experience.
2)You are not fairly participating in the discussions and by that, you are cheating both your self and the Dom. A lot of new subs get into a mindset where they think that admitting to anything less than total perfection as a sub will cause the Dom to lose interest. If they stop for a minute and think about what the Dom wants, they would realize that those flaws and imperfections are exactly what the Dom wants to know about. Learning them, dealing with them and getting past the issues is the entire difference between having a real human sub and simply abusing a manikin.
3) You imply that this has happened multiple times. I wonder what you are getting from this? I can see a bunch of possibilities which can't really be known by anyone but you. It seems a great method of self punishment (ie set it up so that you are dropped into your worst night mare). It also seems a great way to breakup a relationship so that it is all somebody elses fault. A little martyrdom perhaps? Its also a solid way to set up "nobody understands me". Im sure most of us recognise some of the mental games that could be played.

It might well be wise of you to simply quit BDSM. The difference between rape and S/M is intent and communication. What you describe is repeated failure to be clear about intent and and repeated failure to communicate. If you can't get yourself around these issues, then none of the other issues, including the rape issues can be dealt with inside of a BDSM relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: warrywanderer

IT'S ALL THE DOM'S FAULT!! (just kidding) Really though, it's my fault if it's anyone's because it's my responsibility to take care of myself and keep myself safe.  Going into ...hmm..let's call it psudoBDSM with psudodoms who haven't studied BDSM any more than i have is just stupid and self destructive.  The majority of the abuse was a really hot chick i met who i just wanted to fuck, but she wanted to tie me up and beat me first. So it was a bargain, sex for torture. It finally got too much. And the guy i've been seeing recently i'm not nearly as attracted to, so if he's at all like the woman, then i want no part of him.  So far he seems to be, and that's probably good enough for me. I'm not up for being spanked or fucked to tears for someone i'm not going to get really satisfying sex with afterwards like it was with the hot chick.

So i think the prescription for me is to study up myself, and look around and see if i can't find a good experienced dom dom dom dom dom, dombydoobie, dom dom dom dom dom, dombydoobie...sorry im really high right now. lol