RE: Why Am I So Scared!?!

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RE: Why Am I So Scared!?! - 3/9/2008 8:38:47 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
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quote:

I'm new to the lifestyle...but not super new...I know what I want...I'm a powerful woman in every aspect of my life except this. A friend suggested that maybe I'm a submissive...to which I laughed out loud...could I be? I'm very confused and would appreciate any guidance and/or help.

MzRage, I also sometimes struggle with my D/s "identity," so to speak. I am a very domineering person in my daily life (can we say, "Bossy redhead??") -- I have a successful career, own and maintain my own home, deal with finances, pets, etc. Yet the thought of dominating a man makes me absolutely queasy, and I find that being on the striking end of the flogger is very distasteful and a complete sexual turn-off. With that said, however, I am not above telling that same man that he can get his own damn dinner. :)

So am I a submissive, a Domme, or a switch? For me, I tend to believe that I am submissive but that I need to find a Dom who is secure enough and responsible enough for me to let go of all of the daily drudgery, turn it over to him, and let him make the decisions that I normally make. But because I've been independent for so long, and have relied on myself for so long, it's difficult to let go. And yet...if I were ever to find such a Dom, how liberating that would be!!

Maybe, like me, you just haven't found anyone that you trust or respect (yet) to be able to let down your guard and be free.

It might be enlightening to understand what traits your friend sees that makes him/her think that you're a submissive rather than a Domme.

If you find the answer, I'd be very interested to hear about it.

Best of luck!

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to MisPandora)

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RE: Why Am I So Scared!?! - 3/10/2008 12:22:55 PM

moki1984

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

I have known ppl who were Dominant out of fear because to be submissive you need to employ a lot of trust in your owner which is natural and you do have to be careful who you give that trust too.

dont make any commitments or rush, find ppl to play with, mingle at a bdsm event or even join a bdsm group and just get involved. over time you will see what gives that feeling of satisfaction or longing more within. I went abck and forth with this for awhile and when it comes down to it, I fond my niche after awhile. no need to rush, trust me you are not the only confused one in this lifestyle lol

(in reply to MzRage)

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RE: Why Am I So Scared!?! - 3/11/2008 4:42:52 PM

GACoupleSeeking

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Perhaps you enjoy bottoming. There is a difference, IMHO, between a Dominant and a Top. I am a pro Domme and also have a collared submissive. However, there are times when I need to bottom...basically give up control for a set period of time. It helps me focus after being "in control" for an extended period of time. The idea is similar to a man who, on the outside, is incredibly strong and controlling but he needs to be dominated for a set period of time. Also with my girl, it took me a while to get over the "guilt" factor of marking her. She adores it when I leave lasting marks. Now that I know the marks and hard play are part of what makes her tick, I can relax into it afterwards. I think there is nothing wrong with being scared of the feelings that come with physically Dominanting someone. We are taught not to hurt people. But once we realize that the person we are engaged with is getting a tremendous rush out of our infliction of pain and don't try to analyze it then it becomes second nature and easier to handle. Hang in there! And don't be afraid to bottom. It doesn't make you any less of a Dominant!

(in reply to MzRage)

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Post #: 23