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chickpea -> RE: How do you know when you are in love? (3/9/2008 8:17:23 PM)
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It's great you found this special someone. If it's going in the direction you hope, who knows it's up to him. At least he let you know. It's also great that you feel something special for him. And it might be hard if it's not reciprocated or in the way you want. I think sometimes men express themselves differently. In the meantime just be good to yourself and if it still doesn't happen that he reciprocates, then maybe you'll stop feeling what you're feeling and someone else will make you feel what you're feeling. You know, worst case scenario. I just think you should focus on what you can do, and to better yourself in other areas of your life in the interim of "waiting". I guess sometimes it's hard not to peruse about these these, i know. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe a word of caution about focusing too much on the feelings of love and not the person causing these feelings of love. He is human after all. Love is not selfish about what feelings are present in me and it's nice that I feel this way, or is it about pleasing other people in your life (your significant other, parents, friends), or living up to an image of gone with the wind...Love is opening up to another person, enjoying him, and allowing him to cause these beautiful feelings in you. ...letting these feelings and these actions evolve and watching them, experiencing them, immersing yourself in them and moving forward in them. Perhaps something between you two is created a bond that is greater than the two of you as individuals could ever create on your own.
But as far as what love is...a feeling or not? I think love is more than just a fleeting short-lived feeling. love is chemistry, love is actions, love is trust, love is non-judgemental/love is acceptance (knowing the other person's good and bad traits and not caring about the bad traits enough to let them prevent you from loving him overall), and love is sharing, love is more than just admiration or liking, it is devotion of one's life and heart to some chosen special person, the one. I think love evolves as you get to know someone. Initially, it's all about the fleeting feelings of happiness and excitement when you see you've met someone special. Then you build upon that with trust when you get to know the person more, doing things together, kicking their tires, support, etc.. If the people are right, the timing is right, and the actions are right, then the feeling of connection develops and lasts longer than the initial fleeting feelings of happiness. The love feeling of connection helps relationships survive periods when the fleeting feeling of happiness isn't there. Then after the feeling of connection, and you feel like you can structure your life around this person in deeper ways, letting them in your life completely, then devotion develops. Doing normal day to day stuff that isn't necessarily the super-nice things that were done initally but are done because it's part of life and you're part of his life now permanently. I'm just getting this from a Psychology of Love class I took back in college... this love comes in stages and evolves into different things at different stages of a relationship. Think the love being something that changes and the stages theme kept coming up in the class.
But yeah, the stages evolve naturally and change for different couples, like if you have more sex initially women will get hung faster, or if the girl is a model the guy will get hung faster (just kidding hehe). For each stage, the process shouldn't be rushed. You may get initially excited that this person is super special and could possibly be the one, but you cannot short cut these stages (love is like a cookbook recipe, you need the right ingredients and the right timing, and a proper way to cook..... speed or results should not be expected immediately and can spoil the entire meal). So step back and enjoy the process!
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