perverseangelic -> RE: makeup or no makeup (9/27/2005 10:37:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut I think very few people here do not consider what areas of their life they will transfer control of or not. Your example regarding your religion was most likely only brought up because likely you are of different religions. Think about it. Let's for a moment say you are Catholic (I have no idea, just picked the first one that popped in my head). If during your initial "getting to know you" phase, you discover he is also Catholic, you have no logical reason to think that he would ask you to change your religion, so it would not get discussed further. Therefore, when he has an epiphany one night and decides that he would like to become an evangelic christian, and tells you to become one as well, it is an unrealistic expecation on HIS part. It isn't an issue because YOU didn't list it as a "hard limit". There is a world of difference. I disagree here, still. I'm not saying one needs to outline every eventuality, however, even if one appears to share veiws on some subjects, one needs to aknowledge that as someone who is owned s/he might be expected to change, as the owner changes. I didn't say something like "You must always let me practice witchcraft."--a very spesific thing which may or may not change. I said that I did not want him to exert control over my religious practice, in any circumstances, regardless of any changes we both go through. Instead of planning for -one- change, one is examining the areas of ones life one needs to be in control of to be a happy and productive person. This is a lot different than thinking of every possible circumstance. quote:
There are things that during that phase, are discussed, but no limit set because it appears unnecessary. Such as my contact lenses. Unless I am given reason to believe they might become an issue later down the road, I'm not going to sit and tell someone that they can never ask me to wear my glasses over my contacts, it would be ridiculous. Again, one needs to decide about entire areas of ones life, not just spesific things. With the glasses/contacts thing, it -is- necessary to decide if one's owner has the right to make changes to appearance, if they don't interfear with life. This is how I'd veiw a glasses/contacts thing. Does one's owner have the right to change one's appearance as s/he sees fit if it doesn't get in the way of one's productivity? If so, in what circumstances? If not, in what areas of appearance -does- s/he have control? It isn't about saying "You can't tell me to wear my hair in a 2/3 pony tail and dye it purple" ie a very spesific circumstance which you couldn't forsee. It -is- about saying "Youc annot change my apperance in a way that will make me unable to go to work." I'm not sure if I'm clarifying the difference as I see it well. One requires the submissive person to be psychic. The other requires them to be realistic in their understanding of the controll that could conceivably be exerted. quote:
As it is, there are enough posts on here poking fun and flaming people who list other hard limits, if we need to start listing every possible thing that could potentially come up, it is going to be nothing more than fodder for a bunch of people to then piss and moan about that. I don't criticize people's hard limits. I hvae some weird ones myself. I -do- critique the wyas they are expressed to the dominant person in question, because sometimes submissive people are really confusing. We say "take controll" and only later, when we're asked to do something we dislike say "well, not there!" quote:
By the way, she didn't say she doesn't "want to do this", she firmly told him "I won't do this" which while maybe not as submissively correct as some might find appropriate is definately saying to him that he does not have control in that area. I understand that. However, it didn't seem that the dominant person in question understood that. And I think it -is- different than saying that one doesnt' want control in that area. One -sounds- (though I know isn't) like simple disobedience. The other sounds like a renegotiation of the terms of a relationship. To me, it's like refusing to be tied up when your dominant person request it, and saying "no, I won't do that" versus sitting down and saying "I am uncomfortable with being tied up lately, and would like to remove that from the activities that we engage in." Maybe it sounds like semantics, but from my interaction with others it seems that the second one is much clearer and much less likely to raise the "s/he disobeyed I must punish" response which we say that we -want- our dominant people to possess.
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