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Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 2:15:15 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Hello everyone.

I just wanted to bend peoples ears and bangheads with the desire for groups - specifically munch and casual meets.



  • What is it you want from such a meet?
  • Did you find it hard to find the meets?
  • Was the meet helpful in any way?
  • If it wasnt helpful, how did it fail you?
  • Have you ever organized/run a munch?
  • Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?
  • What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?
  • What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?


I hope people can help out by responding. Thanks in advance.

Peace and Love


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 3:15:30 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I've been to one munch. It had an informal meet/greet (happy hour type of thing) before the actual munch meeting. During the meeting we ate dinner and had casual talk, some about us, some about lifestyle topics. I will probably attend another in the future. The group I went to is starting a more formalized meeting format with specific topics for presentation/discussion. It's probably best to meet in the evenings, to accomodate the working members. I went with the hope of meeting like-minded people and learning more about the lifestyle.


(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 3:24:36 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

Hello everyone.

I just wanted to bend peoples ears and bangheads with the desire for groups - specifically munch and casual meets.



  • What is it you want from such a meet?
  • Did you find it hard to find the meets?
  • Was the meet helpful in any way?
  • If it wasnt helpful, how did it fail you?
  • Have you ever organized/run a munch?
  • Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?
  • What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?
  • What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?


I hope people can help out by responding. Thanks in advance.

Peace and Love



  • Get together with like minded people.
  • No
  • Met people I talked to online face to face, made a lot of friends so yes.
  • N/A
  • I helped but not organized.
  • I couldn't careless about meeters and greeters only the beaters....and
    I hate silly name tags.
  • Night time
  • A pub

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    • Profile   Post #: 3
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 3:36:22 PM   
    Evanesce


    Posts: 2325
    Joined: 9/14/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

  • What is it you want from such a meet?


    • I want to meet people, socialize, and make friends.

    quote:

  • Did you find it hard to find the meets?


    • Nope. I found my local munch about six months after it started, which was about two weeks after I started looking for local folks like myself.

    quote:

  • Was the meet helpful in any way?


    • Well, I'm not sure how "helpful" it was to me, personally, but it got me known in the community.

    quote:

  • Have you ever organized/run a munch?


    • Yes, and no. I am co-founder of a group in my area, but we didn't start out having munches. We started meeting at a bookstore for coffee and to plan charity events and demos.

    quote:

  • Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?


    • As far as I'm concerned, a munch and a meet & greet are basically the same thing.

    quote:

  • What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?


    • The best time is whatever is most convenient for your members.

    quote:

  • What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?


    • The best venue is one that affords your group a sense of privacy. Normally, that means a private room with a door you can shut. This allows your members to discuss lifestyle issues without fear of offending other patrons who may not appreciate the fine art of whip throwing when the target is a living, breathing human.

    The group I started began conducting its business meetings in a bookstore. We outgrew that and started meeting at a local mall food court (the place was deserted at 7:00 on Thursday nights). And for the last nearly three years, we've held our meetings in the parlor at the House of Shadowfind. Since Shadowfind is now closed, we'll be meeting in a private home. We still have our monthly munch in a public place, though... a very lifestyle-friendly pub in a small town in MI. It barely holds us, but at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Saturday, we're pretty much the only ones in there.

    Denise
    the Kaptin's wench

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 4
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 3:39:01 PM   
    EmeraldSlave2


    Posts: 3645
    Joined: 1/1/2004
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: dark~angel
  • What is it you want from such a meet?

    • I want socialization, a happy place to play and make friends, and a resource for connections and education
    quote:


  • Did you find it hard to find the meets?

    • It can be tricky if you're just going online, but most groups advertise online so it's not that hard really.

    If you know someone personally, it's a breeze.
    quote:


  • Was the meet helpful in any way?

    • Some are awesome some were drama fests.
    quote:


  • If it wasnt helpful, how did it fail you?

    • Usually it's either awful planning, lack of directions lack of supplies lack of good hosting or the people attending are just drama junkies.
    quote:


  • Have you ever organized/run a munch?

    • Yup, I organized a munch in Ireland when I lived there and I'm the chair of the board of the Baltimore group.
    quote:


  • Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?

    • It's ALWAYS better to have an official greeter.
    quote:


  • What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?

    • Lunch is better on weekends, dinner is better on weeknights.
    quote:


  • What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?

    • For parties, private house works best for the space and comfort levels.

    For sloshes, pubs are fine because the noise won't interfere with socializing.

    For munches, restaurants are best as they are public and thus less imposing, easily access, you can sit and be comfy and low noise levels so you won't have to fight to talk.

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 5
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 4:50:22 PM   
    darkinshadows


    Posts: 4145
    Joined: 6/2/2004
    From: UK
    Status: offline
    Many thanks to the people who have responded so far.

    A bit of background. I have recently moved into a completely different county to where I was before(for those in the USA - Swap county for state, lol) and I am at a loss. There is a munch closeby, but I have failed in trying to connect with it. And now, it seems it may close. The website frowns on one to one meets, even for introductions so it seems... and I seem to have insulted one member by not using correct capping protocols. That alone has put me off - I know its one person and I am able to look past that, but what if they cannot?

    As Eve has helpfully stated, she started off with a bookstore coffee time. But when one is new to an area, how do you find people to connect with in that way? I suggested that to the local group via their site when they asked for a brainstorming session, and it was dismissed. I keep my eye out on the boards and profiles for local people - but have drawn a blank in my area.

    Really need some help here folks!

    Peace and Love

    _____________________________
    .dark.



    ...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

    (in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
    Profile   Post #: 6
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 4:53:51 PM   
    EmeraldSlave2


    Posts: 3645
    Joined: 1/1/2004
    Status: offline     		Unfortunately some areas do NOT have good groups, or groups that work well for you. And I don't have real connections in your area.

    And it's not uncommon for groups to grow and die out. Just keep putting yourself out there, do searches, look for yahoogroups and see what is available. I had a rough time in NJ because the only stuff going on was pretty private closed off stuff and since I was new to the area I couldn't get in and NYC was always too far and too expensive to become a regular member of the scene there.

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 7
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 5:29:00 PM   
    Evanesce


    Posts: 2325
    Joined: 9/14/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: dark~angel


    As Eve has helpfully stated, she started off with a bookstore coffee time. But when one is new to an area, how do you find people to connect with in that way? I suggested that to the local group via their site when they asked for a brainstorming session, and it was dismissed. I keep my eye out on the boards and profiles for local people - but have drawn a blank in my area.



    Was it dismissed by everyone? Did you get ANY positive responses at all? I know that when we started ALM (our local group), the original group's leader wanted no part of it, and I got absolutely no support from anyone in the group. Not on the discussion list, anyway. So I just posted to the group list that I would be at that specific bookstore at that specific time, and anyone who wanted to join me for coffee was more than welcome to do so. The first time I sent the announcement, no one showed up to join me. The second time, two people came. The third time, there were seven of us and we gave ourselves a name, a discussion list and a mission statement. Three years later, we've got 85 active members (and I live in a fairly small town).

    Sometimes it takes time, and it takes patience. Have you tried doing a search at yahoogroups.com for groups in the UK?

    Denise
    the Kaptin's wench

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 8
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 5:46:28 PM   
    darkinshadows


    Posts: 4145
    Joined: 6/2/2004
    From: UK
    Status: offline
    The local groups I found are yahoo groups and I have written and I have gained negative responses to my suggestion of a lunchcoffeemeet and that it isnt the done thing to contact people off group via email unless they say have offered it - now where I came from originally, I have not heard of that before. Alot of the groups in the area seem linked, and I am hesitant to start a group in case I tread on toes. I am not usually one to waltz in and just try and take over.

    _____________________________
    .dark.



    ...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

    (in reply to Evanesce)
    Profile   Post #: 9
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 6:16:00 PM   
    VelvetIronTouch


    Posts: 16
    Joined: 9/21/2005
    Status: offline     		It's irritating to live in the middle of South Dakota (yes, I know what my profile says), in all My years (which I admit aren't that hugely many) I've never seen or heard of a munch within 500 miles.

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 10
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 6:21:24 PM   
    VelvetIronTouch


    Posts: 16
    Joined: 9/21/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: dark~angel

    The local groups I found are yahoo groups and I have written and I have gained negative responses to my suggestion of a lunchcoffeemeet and that it isnt the done thing to contact people off group via email unless they say have offered it - now where I came from originally, I have not heard of that before. Alot of the groups in the area seem linked, and I am hesitant to start a group in case I tread on toes. I am not usually one to waltz in and just try and take over.


    I can understand preaching caution when meeting people from the internet, definately, but I do not understand why a D/s group would actively discourage safe meetings with multiple persons attending. The few D/s people I have met from online were after careful consideration, yes, but all proved to be honorable, as one would expect, and if it was in t/Their homes, very hospitable.

    I think meetings are a good idea, if you do not want to go, do not go. If it is a coffeemunchmeet, where a local hotel's conferance/breakfast/lunch/meeting room has been rented out and a caterer hired, I believe it would be a plesant thing for those involved.

    Yes, someone MIGHT put a GPS on your car, follow you home from the parking lot, rape and kill you. But you run that risk every time you to to the supermarket, too.

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 11
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 6:51:04 PM   
    MsPurrmeow


    Posts: 261
    Joined: 10/30/2004
    Status: offline     		Here are two of the best sites to find local groups. I've found that there are groups just about everywhere, or will be soon if you can put out a call for a munch.

    http://www.domsubfriends.com/a-wwwdir/org.shtml

    http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgssouth.html




    (in reply to VelvetIronTouch)
    Profile   Post #: 12
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/25/2005 11:28:18 PM   
    Evanesce


    Posts: 2325
    Joined: 9/14/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

    Here are two of the best sites to find local groups. I've found that there are groups just about everywhere, or will be soon if you can put out a call for a munch.

    http://www.domsubfriends.com/a-wwwdir/org.shtml

    http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgssouth.html



    There's also Fetish Information Exchange, but I just checked them, and there's nothing listed for South Dakota. Sorry.

    Denise
    the Kaptin's wench

    (in reply to MsPurrmeow)
    Profile   Post #: 13
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 5:40:02 AM   
    Oumae


    Posts: 911
    Joined: 1/4/2005
    Status: offline     		Have you looked on Informed Consent?
    They list most events in the UK and you might find something else close to you.... if not it would be a good place for you to talk about starting up one as it has a large readership in the UK.

    I've attended munches in the UK and in Dublin, I found out about them through friends and on the net. I have found them a great way to meet and make new friends into wiitwd. Generally I have found them friendly.
    I have not organised one but I have helped out... in Dublin we do a meet and greet so as new people know someone when they get to the munch and it has helped people ease in.

    Oumae

    _____________________________

    Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
    ( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 14
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 5:51:37 AM   
    LadyShoshin


    Posts: 492
    Joined: 7/19/2004
    From: Burlington, Ontario
    Status: offline     		I am not sure why people were looking for groups in South Dakota for you lol, but you may want to try http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/uk/munches/
    ORIGINAL: dark~angel

    Hello everyone.

    I just wanted to bend peoples ears and bangheads with the desire for groups - specifically munch and casual meets.



    • What is it you want from such a meet?

      To meet like minded folks and talk about everything from the weather to how to make a flogger. To be able to laugh with friends.

    • Did you find it hard to find the meets?
      At first yes, but I had someone from the real time community go with me and introduce me around.
    • Was the meet helpful in any way?
      Some have been (I have been attending events locally for 6 years) and some have not. After so many years I don't go to the ones I don't like and do go to the ones I do.
    • If it wasnt helpful, how did it fail you?
      Not welcoming, socially inbred.
    • Have you ever organized/run a munch?
      Yes, after many years of attending a local munch the host contacted me and gave me a choice, either he closed it to pursue personal goals or I took it over. I took it over, but have had the birthing pains of starting over several times since.
    • Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?
      I always offer the option of meeting shy people in the parking lot or at the bar about a half hour early to chat with them and ease their concerns.
    • What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?
      During the week evening is best for those who work during the day - you will never please everyone with the day or time.
    • What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?

    I prefer a restaurant/pub, somewhere that isn't a place frequented by grannies taking the kiddywinks out for an ice cream. I look for a place that has a private area or place off the main bar to minimize the noise level and give more of an atmosphere of privacy. I inform the owner or manager that we are an adult internet group and that conversation may be of an adult nature at times, I tell them we prefer to be away from families as we wouldn't want to offend any of their other guests.

    Finding and keeping a good venue can be tricky. I talk to staff, am polite and open with them. I make sure to tell the servers if one of the group forgets to pay their tab, let me know and I will cover it. So far I have covered 2 coffees. Tip well.

    A friend lost their venue because one of the munchers thought it was funny to sexually harrass a staff member. Be prepared to handle any trouble makers before staff has to. So far I have never had to.

    I hope people can help out by responding. Thanks in advance.

    Peace and Love



    _____________________________

    PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 15
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 6:43:23 AM   
    Nuke718


    Posts: 240
    Joined: 8/2/2005
    Status: offline     		Hiya Angel, heres my couple of pennies...

    # What is it you want from such a meet?
    Socializing with people who, even if they don't share my kink, can accept it

    # Did you find it hard to find the meets?
    Sometimes on the moving ones.

    # Was the meet helpful in any way?
    Made me feel less alone, made me friends, met a copuple partners. Yeah, it was helpful.

    # Have you ever organized/run a munch?
    Yup, as well as socials.

    # Is it easier to turn up at the meet straight out, or do you prefere a meet and greeter?
    Different strokes ya know. I know people who appreciate a greater, but for me I just liked to slink in and watch till I was comfy.

    # What is the best time of day, or should the time vary?
    Me, I like Fri/Sat evening. A lot of people like weekday lunches. It varies depending on the make up of the pool of particpants.

    # What kind of venue do you feel best supports a munch? - Pub/restaurant/private house. And please offer help in understanding why?
    For socials, I like poolhalls, karake bars, and bowling allys. All places where one can go and relax and spread out.
    Munches tend to be more focussed, so I prefer something that keeps everybody closer together especially for any group business or discussions/demos. For munches I like to find a resterant/pub that has a private room or section, if it's brown bag a hotel conference room works fine. Of course this was all for 20-50 people meets. If you are talking smaller, it gets easier to be fluid. 2-8 people can find a nice corner table in a pub or coffee shop.
    What I singularly do NOT recommend is opening your house to strangers. Meets in the home, IMHO, should be invitation only.

    If anything helps, I'm glad. And as for getting jerked around for not following a protocol that was different, it makes me think you wouldn't fit in that group anyway. Stuff like that can always be discussed were I come from before a person gets shunned.

    Nuke }:-

    (in reply to LadyShoshin)
    Profile   Post #: 16
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 8:21:57 AM   
    sub4hire


    Posts: 6775
    Joined: 1/1/2004
    Status: offline
    quote:

    The local groups I found are yahoo groups and I have written and I have gained negative responses to my suggestion of a lunchcoffeemeet and that it isnt the done thing to contact people off group via email unless they say have offered it - now where I came from originally, I have not heard of that before. Alot of the groups in the area seem linked, and I am hesitant to start a group in case I tread on toes. I am not usually one to waltz in and just try and take over.


    Unfortunate but I only see one solution for you. You stand up and take charge. Create a group for those who feel exactly like you.
    You will always step on other's toes, all you can do is try your best not to.
    Attempt to be respectful to them. When someone comes to you and asks why you went against them, tell them the truth. They had nothing to offer you.
    There are many reasons why some people come to this munch as opposed to that munch.
    When I was setting up Paddlers, I looked at our local event calendar and chose a Saturday that no one else was using. Then I considered an evening social or a munch, which would be best. Picked a public place. Private rooms get real pricey real quick unless you can find a place that will give you one free. I usually opt for patio's at restaurants. Rarely do people sit out in them. Makes it perfect for me.
    A munch should be very casual. You have to protect those who come to meet you from a stray predator though. Picture yourself as a newbie. Make it so you would venture out to meet you.
    Create your own group on yahoo, topica or smart groups. Forget about the other's. Then decide if you want to promote your group on their groups. I've never done that but...some love it. It is instant exposure.
    Make up some business cards to hand out. A group out here used to make painted closepins they put their name on. Great advertising and all it takes is a bit of your time.

    Word of mouth.
    The biggest thing is don't get discouraged. Start your munch figuring you're only going to get a couple of people showing. Have a nice lunch with yourself and a friend. Expect about 6 month's to actually get people out. Don't move your munch. People cannot think long enough to follow you from month to month.
    I've had munches that 4 people show up and munches where 75 show up. It depends on the month and the time of year. So, don't get discouraged.
    If I can be of help let me know.

    (in reply to darkinshadows)
    Profile   Post #: 17
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 2:06:22 PM   
    darkinshadows


    Posts: 4145
    Joined: 6/2/2004
    From: UK
    Status: offline
    Gloria

    I tried sending you a mail here - but I know you have problems receiving. I lost your email and can't mail you - can you try and send it via mail here? Really appriciate it.

    Peace and Love

    _____________________________
    .dark.



    ...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

    (in reply to sub4hire)
    Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 2:07:44 PM   
    darkinshadows


    Posts: 4145
    Joined: 6/2/2004
    From: UK
    Status: offline
    Nuke - thank you so much - your response was really helpful - I really liked your suggestions on places.

    Peace and Love

    _____________________________
    .dark.



    ...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

    (in reply to Nuke718)
    Profile   Post #: 19
    RE: Setting up a Group or munch. - 9/26/2005 2:12:16 PM   
    darkinshadows


    Posts: 4145
    Joined: 6/2/2004
    From: UK
    Status: offline
    Thank You for responding m'Lady Shoshin - I think people were trying to assist Velvet Iron Touch as well Re:Dakota

    I have looked on Informed Consent and yahoo groups and only found a couple and they are the ones I contacted. Unfortuantely the counties are relatively small compared to states and there is only one or two groups in each of the counties. But I will keep looking. Thank You

    Peace and Love

    _____________________________
    .dark.



    ...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

    (in reply to LadyShoshin)
    Profile   Post #: 20
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