The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (Full Version)

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softness -> The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:37:26 AM)

I think things are going pretty well for me on my journey; I have found someone things can perhaps move forward with, I have dear friends who I feel growing dearer, I feel I am reaching a place where I can understand and accept who I am without feelings of shame or failure... things are good for me.

But it has been a long and bumpy road, I have had to learn so many lessons along the way. Some lessons I learned myself, some I was lucky to be taught by kind honest people who wanted the best for me, others I was taught by cruel people who enjoyed hurting and frightening me. There have been times along this journey I have been travelling alone, sometimes with companions. Sometims I have raced along and sometimes I have pulled to a stop and refused to go so much as one step further. I still have so much further to travel, and for perhaps the first time, I am not so scared of the journey as I always have been in the past.

This thought made me look back at some of the particularly difficult bumps in the road. Now without question, I needed to meet and deal with those bumps myself, or I would not be the girl I am now. .. but Damn! .. it would have been easier if I had known everyone else was suffering for them.

So ... what were some of Y/your bumps ... and what helped you to finally get over them.



Dnomyar -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:41:21 AM)

Bumps are learning experiences.



softness -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:42:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Bumps are learning experiences.


errr .. yes .. thats what I just said ....



colouredin -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:49:05 AM)

One of my bumps was a kinda thinking that being submissive was against my nature, kinda almost like it devalued me or something and that the main reason that I felt i was could be attributed to my self destructive nature. This was actually quite a big issue for me, i used to bang on about limits and needs and all that stuff to justify it to me. I met a rather fantastic guy who looked at things very differantly than i did. I very much saw things black and white good and bad, I though submission was un-natural. He was really honest with me and told me about some pretty nasty motivations for things that he had as well and some really amazing ones. He kinda helped me see that its not all black and white that there isnt the shame in it that I thought there was that its kinda just anothr part of me, without him talking to me I dont think i would have thought it myself but thanks to him I now  view so many things differantly and dont beat myself up every time i think something thats a bit off the wall or against socially constructed ideals. I couldnt thank him enough :D

I dunno if this is what you meant but its what I was thinking of when i read your post.



Dnomyar -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:49:49 AM)

Ok then. Bumps are as difficult as you make them. What reason do you have to be scared of a journey. Dump and insecurties and enjoy the trip.



Lashra -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:51:07 AM)

In my first D/s relationship I owned a male slave for 8 years. One of his requirements was micromanagement and I thought that was a good way to go. Boy was I wrong, by the time we were ready to part company I was so burnt out I took a hiadus from BDSM for a number of years.

My second relationship taught me that people can change right before your eyes particularly when there is a big age difference. Because as we go through life we change it is inevitable and that change can have adverse effects on other relationships.

My third D/s relationship has taught me that you have to learn to bend like a reed in the wind sometimes. A Dominant is not always going to get what they want because real life simply doesn't work that way. I've also learned that someone can love you even when you have days that you don't quite love yourself.

Those are my bumps and I wouldn't trade them for the world, they taught me well.

~Lashra



softness -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:55:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
without him talking to me I dont think i would have thought it myself but thanks to him I now  view so many things differantly and dont beat myself up every time i think something thats a bit off the wall or against socially constructed ideals. I couldnt thank him enough :D

I dunno if this is what you meant but its what I was thinking of when i read your post.



that is EXACTLY what I meant ... this is an opportunity to look back down the road .. see the bump for what it was .. and appreciate what we did ... or the help we had .. to get over that bump and keep going!



Bound2One -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:56:12 AM)

Some of my bumps in this journey have involved focusing on the wrong person - learning what sort of Dom I needed in my life, and realizing the ones who really weren't good for me at all.  Also separating the wankers and wannabes from the men who would be good for me.  They were definitely bumps that I needed to experience, and I tried to learn from each, though sometimes there was hurt involved. 

Bumps in my relationship with my Master have involved me doubting myself, not understanding myself and my needs and overthinking things sometimes.  Communication with him has gotten me over these bumps - and I think we both learned from them.  It's more of a 'learning one another' process which can be rocky at times, but being open to listening to one another helps a great deal, and moves the relationship forward. 



christine1 -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:56:51 AM)

i think so far my biggest bump was my divorce and coming to the realization that no matter what we did, it just wasn't going to work and deciding to move on.  i don't think stopping or moving on from a situation means failure, but a change of direction, and if you can recognize the fact you need to change roads then i think it's a success in its own way.  i joke that my road is a giant pot hole with a few peices of road in it lol, but it's slowly evening out and the ride is becoming much more enjoyable. something i'm learning right now is to enjoy the journey a little more on the way to my goals.  sorry OP if this isn't what you were looking for, i'm in a rush to get out the door to work and i haven't had coffee yet...hugs!



softness -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 4:57:35 AM)

my bump was accepting what I actually needed to make me happy ... and realising it was much simpler than I thought .. harder to find, harder to submit to ... but simpler to live in.



CatsEyesGrrl -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:02:10 AM)

Beautifully put softness [:)]

For me this journey has in some ways, just started. In others, it's been a long and arduous trek.  To clarify: It has taken me years of work to come to terms with my desires, moving towards being as certain as i can be that i am emotially well enough to have a gift worth giving. 

Personally (please don't shoot me for saying) i don't think i would have been a very good sub or slave until i was empowered, confident and happy in myself.  In order to share in a power exchange, there has to be strength  (albeit of different sorts perhaps) on both sides.  My difficulties are mostly in my head.  As i experience different things now i'm out and active i continue to give myself a hard time.  Things like "wow, i didn't expect that reaction from myself!" or "what does that mean to your sense of self?"
Sometimes that's exacerbated by other people's desire to cut other people down but mostly it's just part and parcel of my own growth.  After all, if i didn't care about it i'd be a pretty poor sub/slave.

I echo your sentiments soft, i've met and forged great frienships with people who take pleasure in nurturing people.  I do it for others and i recieve that nuturing from them.  I'm happy to say one of those people is you.

You can't beat a good chat to work through/laugh over your latest dilema.

Does anyone else find themselves pushing too hard?

~Hugs~

Cats
x



angelslave77 -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:02:59 AM)

My bump was an 8 year road block....... an unhappy vanilla marriage and 4 children. Then I realised the exact same thing as you Softness "I needed to make me happy" Since then things have pretty much gone up and up and has been a learning curve and  have met some well shall we say interesting sometimes not terribly honest characters, but it has been easier to deal with them and the hurt they caused because I was being true to myself.



tinkatoy -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:03:03 AM)

i had my bump last night, hubby kicked me out of the house but my Master was waiting for me with open arms, my wish came true last night, i am now a 24/7 and im proud of it!



softness -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:08:11 AM)

licks ... welcome Cats .. and anyone who flames you for wanting to be an empowered woman *and* a submissive... fools .. fools I tell thee ...

that was another bump ... learning I didn't need to hide the person I was in Vanilla from the people I love in the scene ... I am more valuable as property because I am a thinking, feeling, intelligent and generally sensible woman .. any fool can own a simpering doormat and make it feel submissive ... I don't want a fool ... I want someone who can take me exactly as I am .. and turn that whole person into a simpering doormat of submission because He is just so damn amazing.



softness -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:09:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkatoy

i had my bump last night, hubby kicked me out of the house but my Master was waiting for me with open arms, my wish came true last night, i am now a 24/7 and im proud of it!


good luck with that ! [:D]



CatsEyesGrrl -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:12:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

that was another bump ... learning I didn't need to hide the person I was in Vanilla from the people I love in the scene ... I am more valuable as property because I am a thinking, feeling, intelligent and generally sensible woman .. any fool can own a simpering doormat and make it feel submissive ... I don't want a fool ... I want someone who can take me exactly as I am .. and turn that whole person into a simpering doormat of submission because He is just so damn amazing.


Touche!

[:D]

Btw tinkatoy, I hope everything works out alright for you, best of luck



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:22:11 AM)

i've many bumpy roads in my life. whether it is watching a good friend die in my arms to my oldest UM and her tragic accident to a rocky divorce, i've learned i'm stronger than i appear no matter how bleak or tough the bump comes at me.  each bump brought out a side to me i never thought i had.

so far with Daddy, i've had quite a few bumpy moments but each one has taught me another lesson/experience about myself.  Daddy likes it when i discover things on my own even though He knows the outcome ahead of time. just recently had two bumpy moments back to back in which i wanted to quit completely. yet i know (as well as Daddy) that i never surrender so easily when things start looking complicated.

like a classic song says - each time i find myself laying flat on my face ...i picked myself up and get back in the race - Frank Sinatra





corsetgirl -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:44:32 AM)

I have had quite a share of bumps starting with an ex-dom who broke up with me, quickly fell in love with his sub and now they are married.  Back them, I would be with Mr. Wrongdoms, those who I knew were not compatible for me.  Perhaps, that was probably a way to deal with my pain after the dom broke up with me. 

My father also died 3 years ago and that made me evaluate a healthy relationship.  At that time, I broke up with a dom who I knew was heading in a different direction and that I needed to take a break.

I am on my own but I am learning about myself and taking my time. I have also learned to weed out those who are real and those who are the wankers.  I guess my bumps can be:  "What does not kill us makes us stronger."



LilMissHaven -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 5:44:49 AM)

~sighs~  I thought I was alone.  I really don't know what to say other then...thank you for being brave enough to open yourself and share and probably unknowingly bring comfort to those like myself who lack the courage.



Daddyslilpookie -> RE: The bumpy road .. and where the bumps come from (3/11/2008 8:26:18 AM)

Bumps are like like Mountains, like the saying goes There are going to be Mountains and Valleys, you just got to roll with them. One of my bumps or mountains I should say was when I seperated with Master/husband for a year it was difficult but we worked through it. Now we are stronger than ever[:)].



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