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Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:15:06 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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I thought I'd start this thread in light of the recent thread "Help! Cure for BDSM".

I have been trying to make sense of my own dark fantasies slowly crossing over into reality. Questioning who I am, who am I becoming, and what parts of me I might be loosing. If this makes any sense to others out there.

Basically, breaking new ground, and at the same time that perhaps I myself and my partner might enjoy something so much, that we perhaps become hooked on it, to the point that it risks being a healthly behavior for our relationship.

Perhaps this is just normal fear, perhaps it's really not.   The thing is that once you lived something and found that you enjoy it, will it threaten to change you forever in a perhaps not so good way.

There already so many activities I enjoy and are frankly things I find difficult imagining not doing, imagining or have become part of my kinky fantasies. Basically, these activities have more less become a given in things I enjoy and want to do.   The question is when one actually starts to live out the More Darker Fantasy, things that some people would considered or look at as more extreme.

This last weekend, I actually experienced something for the first time and I enjoyed it very much, yet at the same time.. it had me laying in bed questioning who am I, who am I becoming. It actually felt like I lost a small piece of me for moment, I then snapped out of this throught stream.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:21:09 AM

softness

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though the entire thread may not be strictly on topic ... there is a lot of interesting introspection on coming to terms with difficult or dark fantasies from a submissive perspective on this thread

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1599834/mpage_1/tm.htm

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:23:15 AM

Justme696

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keep thinking and evaluating...discuss with your partner...that propably keep you in balance.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:27:25 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Okay......now you are just teasing us!

I suspect that many of us have had those moments of wondering just what the HELL we are doing to each other and ourselves. It's certainly not how we were brought up. Is it really okay to engage in Kinky Act XX for the sake of pleasure?

Ask yourself if anyone is being harmed by what you are doing. The rush of excitement of trying new things is fabulous at first, but unless you just had your first orgasm, I am inclined to think that you will be able to check yourself and enjoy your new entertainments in a reasonable way.

We all change to some degree, it's part of growth. Do you feel that you have lost an essential part of yourself that helps you live among others as a rational being? Have you lost something that you feel defines you as "yourself"? Those kinds of things are danger signs. Losing the things that you used to consider limits for yourself in terms of bdsm, well, that's just moving along a continuum.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:27:53 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

keep thinking and evaluating...discuss with your partner...that propably keep you in balance.

some of these things are equally disturbing to her as well. We both have this love of the same fantasies, yet question our own sanity at the same time.

(in reply to Justme696)

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:31:50 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
some of these things are equally disturbing to her as well. We both have this love of the same fantasies, yet question our own sanity at the same time.

I understand. But you are here to talk about it...so..I would say..sane enough.
Can you skip a day...doing these things,,or can't you stop doing it. Also prepare what you do...think well about them..NOT when you do them,....upfront..to reduce risks and such.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:36:41 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Okay......now you are just teasing us!

I suspect that many of us have had those moments of wondering just what the HELL we are doing to each other and ourselves. It's certainly not how we were brought up. Is it really okay to engage in Kinky Act XX for the sake of pleasure?

Ask yourself if anyone is being harmed by what you are doing. The rush of excitement of trying new things is fabulous at first, but unless you just had your first orgasm, I am inclined to think that you will be able to check yourself and enjoy your new entertainments in a reasonable way.

We all change to some degree, it's part of growth. Do you feel that you have lost an essential part of yourself that helps you live among others as a rational being? Have you lost something that you feel defines you as "yourself"? Those kinds of things are danger signs. Losing the things that you used to consider limits for yourself in terms of bdsm, well, that's just moving along a continuum.

I have gone through these thoughts before to a degree. However, the Darker fantasies have always been darker fantasies for a reason. Now in moving a long the contunuum sooner or later one gravitates towards those darker fantasies. The darker fantasies again being things that are a little more extreme, or on or over the edge.

The kind of things that are almost hard limits but not really if the circumstances and the right person was to come along. In the past these darker fantasies were always hard limits of the person I was with. Hope that makes a little more sense as well.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:58:49 AM

colouredin

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LOL this is so similar to something i just put on softness's bumps thread, to me the whole idea of submission was dark and coming to terms with it was really hard, someone really helped me through the way that I felt about myself. I now notice that the more deeply submissive I feel the more ok with it I am. I have gone from feeling nilla with a twist to feeling like I couldnt cope in a nilla relationship now. Each step down was really hard. I kinda dont see it as darkness now Sir always refers to it as a shadow and that this isnt a negative thing, some things we shouldnt ast on and some we should. I always thought that edge play would repulse me and now I look at it with a lot more fascination. I dont see that as bad thing or a dark thing or maybe i just dont see the dark as being bad just another side of ourselves.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:10:33 AM

crouchingtigress

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i know what you mean, on all the levels, i know what you mean about reevaluating who you are becoming and part of that scaring you.

The person i serve has the skills, fortitude and desire to go to the darkest parts of me....i have craved a man like him for so long but it is very scary at times knowing that i now have the opportunity to go where ever that dark pudding leads me.

One thing that makes him so safe to play in these shadows, is his commitment to safety. He is always continuing his knowledge and skill sets, and whether teaching or being a student, he is acutely aware that there is aways more to learn.

I think as you investigate your own dark pudding, also do your due diligence, go to classes, events, read books, study anatomy, talk to medical professionals, learn about the stuff you are doing.....Because lets be honest, if you play in the really dark stuff, it is dangerous. People can get hurt or die.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:11:08 AM

SailingBum

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Never gave my twisted kink a second thought.

BadOne

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:20:40 AM

camille65

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I used to think about this, almost to the point of dwelling on it. Where would it all lead? What lines would I cross, how far would I go etc. I wondered if I would get to the point where I needed to go deeper and darker to satisfy myself, or if I would really end up on the dark side. Would I need more and more stimulation, would I become terribly jaded? However, reading some of the threads here at CM has made me realise that I have a long long way to go, I've read stuff I will never do and realised that I'm okies. There are a ton of people who have done all that I have and more. Much much more lol.I realised too, that it is pretty unlikely that I will become jaded simply due to the way I am inside. I don't know how to better explain it except to say that I will always hold a childlike wonder towards the world and humanity. As long as I have that I am okay.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:35:32 AM

verysweet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
This last weekend, I actually experienced something for the first time and I enjoyed it very much, yet at the same time.. it had me laying in bed questioning who am I, who am I becoming. It actually felt like I lost a small piece of me for moment, I then snapped out of this throught stream.

This part of the OP strikes me. I've never felt this way. In fact for me, it was the exact opposite. When we began doing things that up until then had been 'on my fantasy shelf' (things I consider edge-play), I felt more comfortable in my 'submissive skin' than I had in decades. Almost as if I had come into my own.

Maybe it's all about finding the right person you feel confident teetering on the edge with--who knows? The one you know will keep you from falling off. And I've come to find out that the door doesn't lock behind you when you "cross over".

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:40:14 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
Would I need more and more stimulation, would I become terribly jaded?

Okay, Camille, that does it. No more casual banter between us. You get the red nose and white facepaint, and I'll bring the jar of centipedes. One trip to the dark side-- tonight.

And, Owner? Maybe think about this differently. Project yourself forward 20 years, and have the then-you ask himself if he was glad he did those things 20 years ago. If they involve disfigurement or lotsa drugs... well, the answer's maybe no. If they involve mutual pleasure and exploration, and no one died or ended up in a wheelchair because of it... you can borrow my jar of centipedes after Camille and I are through.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:41:52 AM

camille65

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Mmmmmmmm centipedes *licks her lips*I'm there, I'm all the way there. Tonight ya say? Sure! (freak. You are a freak I say yupyup.) Tonight.. no problem. (runs far far away)

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:49:52 AM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: verysweet It actually felt like I lost a small piece of me for moment, I then snapped out of this throught stream.

This part of the OP strikes me. I've never felt this way. <snip> I felt more comfortable in my 'submissive skin' than I had in decades. Almost as if I had come into my own.

I am not sure they can be compared. I think your experiance as a submissive is to surrender to the situation, and to trust. The dominants experiance is a little differnt because he/she is in charge of the safty and even the life of the submissive. If you are a worthy human being, you will take that responsibility very seriously, which leads to many questions.

OP the man i serve teaches a class called "inner monsters" write me on the otherside if you wish to know more.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 3/11/2008 6:51:08 AM >

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:54:01 AM

Aneirin

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The thought of the darker side of life at one time nearly consumed me, the racing thoughts, the want etc but now recognise some of the more extreme 'wants', as purely a direction in which to move,( Note, what is extreme to me, might be peanuts to others, basically my extremes). That is not saying I will arrive at the extremity, but I will learn along the way and at some point I may get yet another direction indicator,another direction to take.

Sometimes , the thoughts in my head fill me with dread and horror, in the cold light of day, but when the fire is in, it is a drive. I often used to wonder what I would become if I followed certain routes,would I change.My self answer was, yes I would change, and probably for the better by knowing myself more. As to going too far, well I do have a very good sense of what is right and wrong and will limit myself based upon my feelings, not necessarily logic, but my own feelings.

What you have to ask yourself, is life static, or is it in constant flux, do you want to move on and learn or do you want to stay as you are. If the latter, is it because of fear of change or others and their voiced oppinions.

I know I could be called hippocritical for saying this,as I am one of the worst at it, but learn to love yourself, all of you, your entirety and be eager to learn about yourself and what makes you tick. You are the most important person to you.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:59:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

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And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:01:43 AM

ExSteelAgain

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The degree to which I may play in the bdsm world doesn’t bother me because I view it as a common sense issue where I evaluate how I play and the safety of my submissive.

If we are playing in the roles where we are happy and feel that it is okay, we generally don’t have regrets. For me that means a dominant role. If I were to go outside of my orientation, I would question if I were not succumbing to something against my values and beliefs.

A few submissives I have known felt guilt when they got into things because they had always viewed themselves as independent, confident and capable people. They worried that getting into submissive bdsm would lead to a complete giving up of all their values. It went against their core beliefs and orientation on one level.

Of course here is where a good Dom comes along and tells them it is okay and things can be compartmentalized to help overcome guilt feelings that follow submissive play. To me that is the main function of being a good dominant and the thing that creates a large amount of control. That is offering respect while giving the submissive the bdsm play and the D/s control she desires. She should be even more confident and capable in her vanilla life.

When we part, she is going to feel fulfilled, but also feel good about herself having a partner who respects her. No tears on drives home out of guilt no matter what I’ve done to her.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 3/11/2008 7:11:54 AM >

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:07:10 AM

Justme696

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The only time it all felt dark..was when I discovered I was A Dom...and I wanted to own females...
When I accepted that....the rest seemed normal since then.
(now tell us..what you do that feels so dark..lol)

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:07:46 AM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

for me its breath play, knock out play, drowning, coffin/confinment, scarification, weapon play, and anything involving blood letting.

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

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