RE: Asking to much

RE: Asking to much (Full Version)

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CelticPrince -> RE: Asking to much (3/11/2008 6:06:13 PM)
quote: The Master/slave relationship is one built on trust. But, is that trust suppose to be one sided? Is the slave suppose to just accept what her Master says as the absolute truth? Is she suppose to just blindly accept everything he says? When is it alright to question him? And in doing so do you step outside the bounds of the Master/slave relationship? As nice as the notion is of a Master and slave relationship, reality does not truly support it. Simply, because you have to deal with each other as people too. If I can not ask him where he was for hours, then that is simply going to fester. I am still a human being and I cannot totally surpress the side of myself that cannot accept everything he say without question. And once that trust is broken, once he lies. How do you ever get that back? Or is it a lost cause? perfect, the problem started when you jumped into a callar without really knowing the "D" on the other end of the leash. It happens all the time lately. CP

marieToo -> RE: Asking to much (3/11/2008 6:29:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: urperfectmatch The Master/slave relationship is one built on trust. But, is that trust suppose to be one sided? Is the slave suppose to just accept what her Master says as the absolute truth? Is she suppose to just blindly accept everything he says? When is it alright to question him? And in doing so do you step outside the bounds of the Master/slave relationship? As nice as the notion is of a Master and slave relationship, reality does not truly support it. Simply, because you have to deal with each other as people too. If I can not ask him where he was for hours, then that is simply going to fester. I am still a human being and I cannot totally surpress the side of myself that cannot accept everything he say without question. And once that trust is broken, once he lies. How do you ever get that back? Or is it a lost cause? I agree with the basic principle that you're talking about, though I doubt I'd question a dom about where he has been for hours, but I agree that most people can't just accept everything without question and surpress that human side of themselves, some do I think, but I personally don't consider that healthy or functional. Yes, ideally there should be honesty and trust on both sides. I don't know about trusting after a lie. I guess it would depend on what the lie was and whether or not he was sincerely regretful about it. I would have a hard time trusting after a lie. I've overlooked white lies and bent truths from doms before, but gradually those seemingly little things end up chipping away at the foundation and the whole thing ends up collapsing like a house of cards. I'm not saying that's your situation, but that has been my experience with doms who lie and/or find creative ways to derail or avoid your efforts to talk about things that are important to you. I wouldn't worry about staying within some imaginary boundaries of what you think an M/s relationship is, because it's whatever you two define it as. You can either deal with and accept certain things or not. When we start to accept things in the name of "submission" that would otherwise be unacceptable to us, we aren't being true to ourselves, therefore the same issues will re-surface over and over again. And you'll have to surpress over and over again. Only you can decide if that's something you want to do. I would just approach him in a nice tone and tell him how you feel. He can either deal with it or not. Maybe it's better to find out sooner rather than later.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Asking to much (3/11/2008 7:16:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: urperfectmatch The Master/slave relationship is one built on trust. But, is that trust suppose to be one sided? Depends on what you mean. It's perfectly normal for a master to require the slave to divulge information which the master will never divulge. But the slave trusts the master to act this way and stay true to the values he has said he will hold for the relationship. I've never known a relationship to work in the long term where everyone does not trust everyone to work for the betterment of the relationship. quote: Is the slave suppose to just accept what her Master says as the absolute truth? In the sense of "my word is your absolute truth which you will live by" yes, that's very common. In the sense of "my word is the truth of the world" no not generally. quote: Is she suppose to just blindly accept everything he says? If that is how their relationship is set up, yes. However, slaves generally go into the relationship KNOWING they will be blind. If they expect something (either due to being lied to or not taking enough time to really understand what they are getting into) and it does not come to pass, then you have problems. quote: When is it alright to question him? Definitely before the commitment is made, and then afterwards however those involved have decided it is. quote: And in doing so do you step outside the bounds of the Master/slave relationship? Not if that's how you've set your relationship up. quote: As nice as the notion is of a Master and slave relationship, reality does not truly support it. Simply, because you have to deal with each other as people too. If I can not ask him where he was for hours, then that is simply going to fester. I am still a human being and I cannot totally surpress the side of myself that cannot accept everything he say without question. And once that trust is broken, once he lies. How do you ever get that back? Or is it a lost cause? Has he lied? Perhaps you cannot know where your master has been for hours, but plenty of people have no problem with that. Your limitations and needs does not mean that others cannot live in such situations, and it does not even mean you cannot find a master to fit well with you. Just as many masters delight in telling their slaves about their day and what's been going on. The issue here is compatibility.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Asking to much (3/11/2008 7:31:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It's perfectly normal for a master to require the slave to divulge information which the master will never divulge. Yeah, a perfectly normal red flag maybe. No wonder cheaters who call themselves Doms have such an easy time cheating on their spouses without their knowledge or consent.

colouredin -> RE: Asking to much (3/12/2008 5:50:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It's perfectly normal for a master to require the slave to divulge information which the master will never divulge. Yeah, a perfectly normal red flag maybe. No wonder cheaters who call themselves Doms have such an easy time cheating on their spouses without their knowledge or consent. Hmm I know that I am far more open about myself than Sir is, he just doesnt do it very much, i get drips about himself but not lots and lots, its not a red flag to me because I know its not in his nature to be overly open becuse he doesnt like to feel vulnerable. but thats just me

tsatske -> RE: Asking to much (3/12/2008 5:58:51 AM)
DBG, It really depends. I know my Master would never 'cheat' on me. For starters, his definition of what 'cheating' would be, for him, is much higher than my definition. He would never do anything without telling me about it. He would tell me about it, always, in advance, unless, you know, someone was offering him a BJ on the spot ... but he'd still tell me. I honestly don't feel that I am 'entitled' to that. I have absolutely no intention of telling my Master who he may or may not fuck. I expect not to be lied to, but choosing not to tell me, or even choosing to answer my questions with an 'I"m not going to answer that' is fine with me. I guess I would feel it was 'cheating' if he developed a real relationship with another person without letting me know, because that effects me, and, on top of that, would be keeping me from having the sisters I desperately want! You have a right to expect your relationship agreements to be honored. You have a right to know you will not be lied to, although, as someone said, everyone lies sometimes. At best, all any of us can do is tell the truth the best we know it, and not lie to another person anymore than we lie to ourselves. And I have known slaves and Masters whose relationship agreement includes a Masters right to lie to his slave, if it 'gets her to do what he wants'. Not quite sure I understand, I don't need to be lied to toobey my Master, but it wasn't my relationship agreement, so it's none of my business. No one can tell you what is respectful, slavelike, anything else. It depends on your relationship, structure and agreements. You need what you need.

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