If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (Full Version)

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MiaMaria -> If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:30:50 PM)

Hi, I´m new to this fora, wonder if you please could help,
wonder about this problem me and my Master have, but I don´t knew which fora to post it, ´but I guess some of it fits right in here..
Found out that Master went on other chatsites/dating sites without me knowing,he said it´s only us. Further,when talked it through,I discovered him at another site,wrote him a letter,and there he claimed to seak a sub. And now he denies he did, saying,that he knew it was me. Ok, we both have some kind of psycic skills,in different kind of ways him and me. And we have played a lot with chakra´s and so on,and our fabolous connection at all levels. But, still I cannot see,why he would knew,it was me? I just don´t get it. He said,don´t you trust me yes of course,but I am allowed to ask and to wonder,don´t I. I´d l i k e to believe him.  Lately I said to him I was very sad about it,and asked him,again, why he wrote like he did. And made sure I also made clear,that I don´t doubt him,I just don´t understand. It´s a whole lot difference. He again said don´t you believe me,or what. I explained and then my telephonecard went out for that day. So I cannot text him more today.
Still there´s msn.
But, is he right to ask me not to doubt him about this?
Is he right,when he says "don´t you believe me,or what"?
Is he right,to do whatever he wants to,in this case,just because he is my Master,and I his property??
We agreed from the first time,not to play with others,without the other part.
We agreed,that if,we would inform -at least-the other part.
So is he right here??
My former Master says,i should be at his neck,until he gives me an answer.
But as you can see,I´m not getting any. And I definately don´t want to push.
I said it,and I say it again, with all my heart, I want to believe him,and that´s
because I love him. But,what it right here,and what shall I do?
Please help..
miamaria



Jade999 -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:45:01 PM)

Hi MiaMaria,
I am a dominant and new to this.  I was under the assumption that the dominant was supposed to respect the submissive and model correct behavior for him/her.  Maybe I have it wrong, but I thought a d/s relationhip was built with trust.  Property?  Is that the way submissives want to be treated when it is outside of d/s sex  activites?  And if do they want to be treated as property, don't they want to feel like they are valuable property?



lusciouslips19 -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:49:31 PM)

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.....

well, you know.



ownedgirlie -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:52:10 PM)

If I understand this correctly, he is lying that he only wants one slave (you) so you're trying to trick him in a chat room.

Either you believe him or you do not.  If you do not trust your Master you can not fully submit to him.  What if he is honest and says yes, he is indeed looking for another submissive?  Since he is on a site looking for one, it would appear that he is.  So what then?




DesFIP -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:52:24 PM)

If you really believe he was on those other sites hoping you would respond, then I have a bridge for sale.

You know the truth, you just don't want to accept it. And just because this is d/s doesn't mean people aren't people. Lot's of people promise to be faithful and aren't.

He isn't going to change, he isn't going to be honest. You need to decide if you get enough of your needs met that his cheating doesn't matter to you. If you do, then stay. If you need honesty and monogamy, then don't. You won't get monogamy and honesty from him. Your choice.



RedMagic1 -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:55:55 PM)

This will weird out all the people who think I am an utter square, but my sub and I engage in chakra energy transfer also.  However, we also tell the truth to each other.  They are two separate things.  You make them sound as though they are the same.  They aren't.

Take a look at this thread, which deals with very similar issues.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1697388



mzbehavin -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:56:37 PM)

Nods* agree's with the others here.. Sadly it appears hes still looking. Hate when that happens~ It sounds as if you are long distance. Have you planned to meet and/or met yet? Best of luck. xoxo



IronOre -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 6:59:32 PM)

I think he is screwing with you. I don't believe he knew it was you and was just trying to save face. As a master he can ask anything he wants of you, including this. You however are his slave by CHOICE. You get to choose what you will submit to. If he is demanding more of you than you think is fair you can leave. If you are not willing to give him enough of what he wants he can leave. That is what it comes down to. You have to decide if what you are getting is worth it

On a second note the foundation of all relationships is trust. If you do not trust him, leave.



lronitulstahp -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:10:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

This will weird out all the people who think I am an utter square, but my sub and I engage in chakra energy transfer also.  However, we also tell the truth to each other.  They are two separate things.  You make them sound as though they are the same.  They aren't.

Take a look at this thread, which deals with very similar issues.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1697388
...not to top from bottom or anything...and knowing i have the utmost respect for You...please never utter the words "utter square" again.  That is just wrong! The whole 'Chaka Khan' thing is perfectly cool...i have some of her albums too.[;)]

edited to add: OP, he's playing ya kid! The choice to stay is yours...but maybe you should keep body fluids apart...just sayin'



usasub -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:10:54 PM)

Hello MiaMaria,

In my veiw he is wrong. Number 1 you said you both had agreements that neither would see anyone else without the other knowledge or something to that effect. You have a right to ask and more importantly you have the right to the truth. Your not his doormat your his sub/slave (whatever your title) Speaking for myself submitting because you want and need to is one thing but getting shit on is a whole other story. If he can't openly discuss what is going on maybe you'll want to think about kicking him to the curb.



MiaMaria -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:17:05 PM)

Thanks for your reply,
He swears, he doesn´t look for another one, doesn´t want anyone than me, I don´t know how may times,he said that.
I´m confused, why can´t he answer my question,then? And shouldn´t a Master follow the agreements,before the arrangement was done?? or is it " I don´t care,whenever the collar is put on,I can do whatever I won´t even if it´s breaking our agreements?
That´s one thing why I´d like to believe him for that low I don´t like to think,he´s sunked.



SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:17:13 PM)

quote:

I said it,and I say it again, with all my heart, I want to believe him,and that´s
because I love him. But,what it right here,and what shall I do?
Please help..
miamaria


All I can say is what I would think if I were in your shoes, I would think I was being lied to, and that would hurt even more than him looking for someone else in the first place.

You would not have went looking for him to be on other sites unless in your heart you knew he was up to no good. You know in your heart already, there is nothing we can say to convince you of what you already know if you are unwilling or unready to hear it. Next time don't ask questions that you really do not want the answers to...

julia



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:18:12 PM)

I think you both have serious security, trust and commitment issues.  Until you are both at places where you can openly admit, discuss, hurt, heal and commit properly, there is no hope.



pissdoll -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:19:13 PM)

How you "happened" to "find" him on other sites is neither here nor there.
The fact that you wrote to him pretending to be someone else in order to trap him in potential lies means that you do not trust him.

You have two choices.  You can be in a relationship without trust, or you can exit the relationship and find a person you CAN trust.

I am not going to assume which option gets you off more.  Some people enjoy agony.  It's really up to you.



RedMagic1 -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:19:35 PM)

Hi cholita!  I feel you... through the fire, baby!



hiswetness -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:28:43 PM)

i think your heart wants to believe him...but your head and your instincts are telling you another thing.  i have been there and done that.  i wish i had listened to my head and my instincts.  They are there for a reason.  People have failed me...but they never have.



SteelofUtah -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:31:26 PM)

MiaMaria.

I wish to say that this is a difficult situation.

First, you don't trust him. But you have reason NOT to.

Second, if you has an agreement and that agreement is in breech then you have the right to go up to him and confront him about your feelings.

Example:

"you said that is we were gunna fool around that the other had to know and that it would be discussed first, The other day I was on another chat site and there you said you were looking for another sub. You ask if I trust you and I want to, but I don't because you said you were looking for another sub. I don't know how you could have known it was me. I need to know if you are devoted to this union or if you want another sub"

Something along those lines.

In the end you have two choices. You can live with it and accpet that he will do as he pleases, or you can try and talk it out and find a solution.

In a situation like this I believe it is the best to confront the issue and try to work it out.

If all else fails there are only two choices he cannot make for you.

The choice to Obey and the choice to Leave. It is sad to see someone leave, I wish more people would work things out. but as has been said MANY MANY times sometimes there is only one option.

Steel



MiaMaria -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:38:59 PM)

That is the point, I do have asked him,if he´s going to be faithful to US. He ensures me again and again,that he will. Also many many times after this incident,like before. I almost have told him,what you said would suit fine.. it´s like Í´ve run empty of words to say.. maybe I must do it again..  he swears.. I can hear his heart, I DO think,he loves me. But maybe he can´t stay away from the other green grass.. maybe..but if he should told me so.He KNOW that I´m to talk with,he KNOW that he never ever have to hide something. As long as I know/are with. So I frankly don´t get it.



MiaMaria -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:40:32 PM)

Exept,that I will never ever accept to be number two.and he knows it,all this we agreed to-very clear.



SteelofUtah -> RE: If the relationship´s having trouble-what then? (3/11/2008 7:42:55 PM)

Then MiaMaria I think this is a situation only you can answer. I wish there were more that could be said but it seems only you can know how you feel and what you are willing to do to make it work.

I wish you luck

Steel



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