|
ElanSubdued -> RE: First Meeting (3/13/2008 9:16:38 AM)
|
Lady Hibiscus,
I'm not trying to be argumentative here, but your response to vampchick88 has me totally confused:
quote:
ANYWAY! Relax. Have fun. Have tremendous amounts of sex. Then talk a lot, after you have a nice nap.
In the "Female Tops and Sex" thread you espoused the view that:
quote:
I am trying to get into the headspace of having sex with a submissive. So far it has never worked for me... it feels really *wrong*. I love giving my submissives sexual pleasure, and I get a great thrill out of touching them when they can't touch me back. For me, sex and romance are things that I do with those on an "equal" level and I don't view my submissives that way. I'm willing to change my mind if a submissive that has the right qualities comes along.
(snip to another post)
For me, fucking a submissive goes utterly against the chain of command. Letting a submissive give me an orgasm? Unthinkable.
Perhaps "sex" does not equate to "fucking" in your domain?
I was once with a Domina who wouldn't allow me to touch her back or initiate touch in any way. In fact, she got rather angry when I would inadvertently touch her affectionately because she viewed this as breaking her chain of command and an invasion of her personal space. Very quickly, I could see that this just would not work, at least not for me. To me, this is one-way communication. I've never been good at being an inanimate chew toy - an animated, responsive and proactive chew toy yes, but not one with dead batteries. We (the Domina and I) ended up concluding that we were wholly incompatible.
In regard to the notion that a submissive is somehow lower in status than a Domina, the only way I can see this is if one purposely chooses partners less capable than themselves. This is, of course, a personal choice. I'm a complete, whole person. It also happens that I am submissive. Nothing about my submissive nature changes the fact that I am still whole and capable. This also means that I have needs, desires, and fears, and experience joy and sorrow no differently than a Domina. And yes, I have *romantic and sexual* needs too - both in terms of giving and receiving.
I adore giving my Domina an orgasm - whether she just takes this from me or I give it willingly and lovingly, with devotion and subservience. At the moment of impact, is my partner momentarily vulnerable? Hmmm. That's an interesting question of which there are likely to be differing views. My own view is "yes", she is vulnerable at this point and we'd both have it no other way. You can't trust someone without making yourself vulnerable to that person. Trust, in my opinion, is essential sustenance for any relationship. In this context, a Domina who makes herself vulnerable isn't demonstrating weakness or a lack of leadership. Rather, she shows that she has confidence, conviction, and passion in her ability to make good choices for herself, and therefore trust in her partner (or partners).
Let's rewind to the question of vulnerability again. I've never had any relationship where my partner and I were not vulnerable to one another. Forget about sex because this has nothing to do with sex. Trust is the lifeblood of relationships and especially of BDSM relationships. My partner and I may simply be communicating feelings about the current day, our future, or our past. In all of these, we are nakedly and most beautifully vulnerable to one another.
In your own case Lady Hibiscus, perhaps you don't allow your submissives to give you orgasms or to have intercourse with you, but I think the notion that this is because your partners are a lesser breed is misguided. Unless you specifically choose partners you don't respect, I'd say you have a kink that both you and your partners are fulfilling. There is nothing wrong with this. However, to think that your partners can't just walk away anytime they choose to, this, to me, isn't realistic. If you're partners can walk out the door (which they can unless you're restraining them without consent), they have plenty of power and equality. The illusion otherwise is just that, an illusion and perhaps a fun, mutually rewarding one.
Respectfully,
Elan.
|
|
|
|
