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RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/13/2008 2:39:33 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mignoette

I don't normally post but I had to say something. I too live in a world where I am alone with no family. People it DOES happen and I've found that some so called Sirs try and exploit it. angel sounds like she is in just such a position. it screams classic enabler/abuser. Think about it. Rather than build her up she's pretty much been forced to become dependent on him fully. My best advice is RUN!

been there done that and took a few years to get back on my feet.

If this is even real (which I doubt)...how was she forced?

"Hey baby, quit school and come to me. I know I haven't seen ya ass in, what is it now...ever??"
"NO"

"OK now honey...how's about you quit that fine job and be my woman?"
"NO"

"C'mon baby...put your junk in storage. I be builing you one mighty fine mansion"
"NO"

"Sweety honey pie...here's one big ass shiny ring for you. You just be so you don't go dropping it or anything. We so don't want that ring to break now. Let me fedex it out right quick to ya"
"NO"

"Mind sending me a pic of your coochie then???"

edited because I can't seem to spell coochie.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 3/13/2008 2:43:26 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to mignoette)

Post #: 41

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/13/2008 2:51:25 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

"Oh yeah and baby don't mind the chicky in the closet. She's just here to clean the toilet. The funniest thing...seems like an old girlfriend's had her ass stuck to my john for about two years now."

_____________________________

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 42

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/13/2008 2:51:37 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mignoette

I don't normally post but I had to say something. I too live in a world where I am alone with no family. People it DOES happen and I've found that some so called Sirs try and exploit it. angel sounds like she is in just such a position. it screams classic enabler/abuser. Think about it. Rather than build her up she's pretty much been forced to become dependent on him fully. My best advice is RUN!

been there done that and took a few years to get back on my feet.

I would say that if I were truly and completely alone in the world with no one and nothing to fall back on it would make me a complete control freak over my finances, job, and it would make me 10 times more leary of trusting anyone that would encourage me to rely on them for my survival... if I was in that position I just do not think I would be willing to take any sort of risks because the outcome would be tragic for me.

I know because I had a UM to raise for years on my own and my reluctance to be a burden on friends and family I did not put myself at risk for men... just me, etc. I do find it odd that someone would have no one to even let them sleep on a couch. Not always, but usually, that is a sign of instability in a person because their family has decided not to enable them, and their friends have run out of patience. I know there are exceptions, but I think those would be rare. People usually know coworkers, friends from school, etc.

julia

(in reply to mignoette)

Post #: 43

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 5:08:58 AM

aperfectingangel

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/12/2008
Status: offline

Um yes I'm in a hotel room with two cats and they allow pets. I have discussed everything with him and he confessed to it all.
And I just came on here for some advice. Thank you all who supported me. I know I am very intelligent, my mother was murdered right before I met him so I clung to him and waited for him for a very long time. I'm not stupid, just became very dependent on him. I was very vulnerable and I have become more so. Thank you again to all who have given advice and the strength to move on. I have gotten a job and am working towards getting back on my feet. Thanks!

(in reply to mignoette)

Post #: 44

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 6:53:30 AM

IXian

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

OP: The first step you did to break free is to ask for advice. This is also the hardest step for most people in a abusive relationship. If you have the strength to actually ask for advice, the strength to follow through til the end is allready present within. I hate to sound like a clique, but trust your own gut feeling and remember that you've already proven your strength. Even if you end up being overwelmed, "backslide" or feel hopeless, remember that you still have the same strength that made you ask for advice. Now, go out and conquer!

Good luck.

(in reply to aperfectingangel)

Post #: 45

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 7:08:09 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

This is one of those times where I call it a life defining moment. Assess the choices in your life that got you into this situation and vow not to let it happen again.

I just have to echo this. Take responsibility for the choices you made to get your self into this and make different choices in the future to avoid it.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 46

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 8:32:35 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

sell the computer your using to type these messages ,sell the cats , sell the car you can not afford the gas anyway ,sell or pawn everything in the storage if its true ,still there ,or it has not already been slated for auction . Get a bus ticket and start over . You have some seed money from all the stuff you sold now .
Move on would be an understatement ..

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 47

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 3:58:49 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

D/s, vanilla, whatever, people stay in abusive situations for years, it never makes any sense to them or anyone else., it happens, nows the time to move on.

if the hotel youre in works for you and the cats and you can get a job id stay until you can find similar - dont lose the cats, if youre like me thatll just make the whole thing even more miserable, you need all the friends you can get at the moment.

its time to get proactive. youve already said its unlikely he's going to show for a bit, so use that to your advantage. dont let on that youre moving on with no forwarding address. play his game back at him.

find somewhere where he wont track you down, a different town, somewhere he cant find you (with cats).

it will be hard to give up on all that time you have invested in, but hun, that house doesnt exist and you know it. the future does not exist with him in it, you know it. you cant have kids with this guy, you know it and you cant spend the rest of your life waiting on a guy that has NEVER delivered. you know all of this. is why youve come here for help.

so, take a deep breath, withdraw your feelings of submission from him and concentrate on the future. ask yourself if you want to be in the same position a year from now, because you will be, if you dont make the move now.

even if he did come good, how could you ever trust him anyway.

i wish you lots of luck

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 48

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 6:59:18 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Thats sorta what I was thinking myself............as I was doing my level best to behave and not draw the attention of "She who must be obeyed"

Because lord knows there is ALOT I could say to this particular thread..........

At the "She who must be obeyed" I'm glad I wasn't drinking something, that snort would have hurt!!! Too funny!!!!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 49

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 7:00:09 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Let's ask the cats what REALLY happened.

Long as they don't answer tap, tap, pause....tap, tap, tap, pause.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 50

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 7:23:38 PM

ModeratorEleven

Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Thats sorta what I was thinking myself............as I was doing my level best to behave and not draw the attention of "She who must be obeyed"

It's clear that you have more sense than some here.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 51

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 7:57:08 PM

shigglyboom

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

Perfecting,

Congrats on your new job!

Just for the record, some homeless shelters and some humane societies have facilities or foster homes that can take pets for a few days until their owners get back on their feet. If it comes to that, you might want to call around and see if these programs exist in your location.

Take strength in knowing that every day you step forward, you get a little farther away from the bad stuff in the past.

shig

(in reply to aperfectingangel)

Post #: 52

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/14/2008 8:13:48 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I have gotten a job and am working towards getting back on my feet. Thanks!

That's great to hear. Hope things work out for you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to aperfectingangel)

Post #: 53

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/16/2008 12:19:59 AM

DaddyDeerest

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline

To the op. It seems you've really gotten some good advice on here, I hope you take some of it before asshole comes back.
I'd like to add, from experience, tomorrow, start putting up cheap, hand-made flyers, offering the cats free to good homes, to be taken by the end of the week. If they're not gone by the time you're ready to go, then buy a huge bag of cheap cat food and cut a small hole in it and put it around the back of the motel. The cats'll love love living outside, especially as it begins to warm up. And by next fall, some crazy cat-lady will have taken them in. I Promise.
And as for yourself...your only 27? There's still plenty of time left in your life to turn it around to do whatever you want. You could even screw it up a few more times and still have enough time to straighten up! Don't worry so much about it and just do it. Change towns and you change your life.
Change bars. Change schools. Change men. Eventually, it'll all come together.

And for those catty vixens, meowing at you with their claws out, and their nails sharpened, it's so obvious that they;ve never had to spend a night on the streets, without having anyone to call, because mommy and daddy have always been there for them. Spoilt little kitties is all they are, so don;t you pay them no nevermind...their time will come.
But I hope you find the strengh to sell everything and get the hell outta Dodge before asshole returns. GoodLuck, DaddyDeerest

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 54

RE: Please help, I don't know what to do - 3/16/2008 6:49:23 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

YOu can promise all you want about the cats, if that were true there would be no strays in the country roaming around and turning feral, some cat lady would pick them all up, just sayin.............I am not giving any advice to the OP, I have a feeling they are long gone now anyway, but to tell someone to leave any animal outside unprotected with a bit of food to start them out, and someone will pick them up, and in the meantime, they will enjoy being out in the elements and exposed to fleas, and other pests etc. with no shelter from those elements is pure ignorance.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to DaddyDeerest)

Post #: 55

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