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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 6:57:18 PM

Kitte9

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone30

I was just wondering does being Dominant come naturally or can it be learned?

If you don't have the calling, even if it's buried somewhere deep inside, at best you can become technically proficient at activities but, imo, you will never thrive as a dominant.

Celeste

Perhaps the right person can draw out what is buried inside.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:03:03 PM

littlebitxxx

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I think dominance is an inherent trait, something you're born with or not. But I think being a Dominant is a learned skill. Doesn't mean you're proficient with floggers and canes, pretty much anyone can be a Top. Not everyone can be a Dominant, properly.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:39:30 PM

SummerWind

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I could not learn to be a sub.....and I'm reeeaallly bright

Therefore....I find it hard to believe that someone can learn to be a Dom. You can learn techniques of a Dom and use them on a sub.........but I believe it's genetic.......

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/13/2008 7:51:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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IMO the orientation is innate, expression of orientation is learned

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 12:30:52 AM

Leatherist

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I know that I always hated being told what to do. But I still had to learn a lot about what makes other people tick. It never ends. I do know from past experience that I'd be an absolutely horrible sub-I tried, and it just made me feel like crap.

Don't flee from yourself..If you have a quality-let it define you,whatever it is.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 7:32:17 AM

DesFIP

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You must realize that for most civilized people, the urge to hit or demean or control someone else is not considered acceptable. Thus a good guy will repress these urges if he doesn't know how to safely express them. Safely means with consent. But since nobody gets taught this, many guys are horrified by their own desires. It takes on average six months to a year for a man who has been exposed to this, and encouraged by his sweetie, to begin to let his desires out. It also requires repeated encouragement and positive reinforcement for him to feel comfortable doing something he's spent 20 or more years trying really hard not to do.

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 11:09:42 AM

submissiveone30

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ok maybe i should clarify some..i am a submissive my husband is neither but he wants to fufill my needs and would like to learn how....

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 2:51:57 PM

MasterBenedict

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I think it "can" be learned... but never completely

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 2:57:11 PM

DesFIP

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How is easy. Ask him to make a decision for you, then pet him and thank him for taking the stress of decision making off your shoulders. Funny example, I do the grocery shopping and everybody in this house has a sweet tooth. I will spend 20 minutes in the ice cream aisle not able to pick something that all of us like. If he comes along, he'll give me a minute or two, and then make the decision for me - fudge ripple for example. That's a dominant decision simply because he makes it. And I try to remember to kiss him and thank him as we trundle off to look at frozen veggies.

Activity wise, the response to him spanking you lightly should be bouncing up and down on his lap, and telling him how excited you now are and would he please take you to bed immediately if not sooner. Immediate positive reinforcement. And after he's done that several times, ask (not tell) him if he could please do it harder. The more he sees a correlation between him doing these things to you, and you getting wet and horny, the more he will want to do it, and start initiating it on his own.

Oh yeah, and no fair coming back and complaining in six months because he's leaving bruises and you have to sit down carefully!

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RE: Can It Be Learned - 3/14/2008 3:00:39 PM

Leatherist

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Good lord, when you put it like that......maybe it IS inherent-at least with me.

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Post #: 30