some help

some help (Full Version)

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fluffyswitch -> some help (3/13/2008 9:04:50 AM)
i'm sure that there are threads out here about this but i'm not even sure which search term to use... there are certain things that i want to be able to do for Him and things that i really want for Him to be able to do (as in use other females) that are doing weird things to my head. i know that's really vague lol but i don't want to drag dirty laundry all over the board (well no more than i need to anyway). i'm just wondering if anyone has had experience working themselves into a headspace to get them to realize that it's going to work out okay?

mnottertail -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 9:07:45 AM)
yes, to all that. polyamory---- didn't catch on to the others/ Ron

fluffyswitch -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 9:15:47 AM)
well doesnt really matter anyway because i hit send and then He wanted to talk about it anyway lol...gotta love that type of luck.

SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 9:22:58 AM)
We have discussed some similar things, but I am still unsure of doing it. In fact it would fly in the face of our dynamic if we were to venture there because my inclination would be to control the situation so as to make me feel more secure. I do not want to control anything really, so basically I am just not up for it. I have vacilated between wanting to try it, and thinking "Oh, hell no" I do not know if that helps or if it was what you are looking for julia

fluffyswitch -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 9:26:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet We have discussed some similar things, but I am still unsure of doing it. In fact it would fly in the face of our dynamic if we were to venture there because my inclination would be to control the situation so as to make me feel more secure. I do not want to control anything really, so basically I am just not up for it. I have vacilated between wanting to try it, and thinking "Oh, hell no" I do not know if that helps or if it was what you are looking for julia i have no problems with it in theory and thought i was okay with it until another female entered the picture. it was more that this has always been the sign that i'm being left so apparently it opened up a lot of old wounds that i had dealt with. but we've talked about it and i think it'll work itself out, but i understand what you're saying about control.. i'm a very submissive switch but i can close to switching last night. i think it's just a matter of getting used to it in a partner that isn't using it as an escape hatch.

Bound2One -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 12:37:11 PM)
Fluffy, I'm not sure if this will help, but sometimes I find myself overanalyzing, overthinking things which just serves to wind me up into a mental frenzy, which isn't good! Then I dump on Master, and we're left trying to wade through all these feelings (never much fun!). I've learned with some things it's best to take a more laid-back approach, even if it's a lot of work to get there. Take a deep breath, go with what feels right in your gut, and try to turn your brain off. If things start feeling wrong, communicate it. It's work for me, to not overanalyze. But it's draining to be too analytical, so I work on it. Going with the flow can be a good thing sometimes. A caveat - obviously, if something feels wrong, you need to talk about it. I'm talking more about those things which may be a stretch for me, but which I really want to try ... but cause me some anxiety.

flitter -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 1:50:35 PM)
It seems to me, that if it is bothering you this much, perhaps he shouldn't be doing it. Polyamory is not for everyone.

fluffyswitch -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 2:22:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bound2One Fluffy, I'm not sure if this will help, but sometimes I find myself overanalyzing, overthinking things which just serves to wind me up into a mental frenzy, which isn't good! Then I dump on Master, and we're left trying to wade through all these feelings (never much fun!). I've learned with some things it's best to take a more laid-back approach, even if it's a lot of work to get there. Take a deep breath, go with what feels right in your gut, and try to turn your brain off. If things start feeling wrong, communicate it. It's work for me, to not overanalyze. But it's draining to be too analytical, so I work on it. Going with the flow can be a good thing sometimes. A caveat - obviously, if something feels wrong, you need to talk about it. I'm talking more about those things which may be a stretch for me, but which I really want to try ... but cause me some anxiety. yeah i think that's my problem, i read too much into things. which is great if i'm working on say this lit review i have to write for next week but not so much for anything of any relevance in the real world. logically i knew nothing earthshaking was going on but it still seemed massively important at the time.

DelilahDeb -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 4:09:30 PM)
Fluffy, Even if your difficulty is "only feelings"...feelings are important! Sometimes they are a signal that past experiences aren't dealt with, as you noted. Sometimes they're a signal that not all is as it seems on the surface. And sometimes they are a signal that you may need to release emotion without there being anything "wrong" with the situation at all. In the three years between the occasion of my (first) marriage, which we agreed very early on would be an open one, and the occasion of our making it so, I spent a lot of time discussing the matter with the husband and frequently crying away societal conditioning...EVEN THOUGH I had admired (and wished to replicate) the polyamorous social background to a number of science fiction novels ever since the age of 12. I'm glad you had the synchronous opportunity to talk it out. Delilah Deb

MistressVnus -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 4:15:14 PM)
quote: i'm just wondering if anyone has had experience working themselves into a headspace to get them to realize that it's going to work out okay? That's your Master's job and responsibility. If he hasn't made sure you "know" that, then he hasn't done his job. Period.

junecleaver -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 6:36:17 PM)
quote: s, but I am still unsure of doing it. In fact it would fly in the face of our dynamic if we were to venture there because my inclination would be to control the situation so as to make me feel more secure. I do not want to control anything really, so basically I am just not up for it. I have vacilated between wanting to try it, and thinking "Oh, hell no" I do not know if that helps or if it was what you are looking for Realizing that what you have complete control over is your own reaction. Is this something that will change your relationship or are you changing your relationship over it yourself? Because there is a big difference and maybe recognizing that difference will make it easier for you.

Bound2One -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 7:18:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver quote: s, but I am still unsure of doing it. In fact it would fly in the face of our dynamic if we were to venture there because my inclination would be to control the situation so as to make me feel more secure. I do not want to control anything really, so basically I am just not up for it. I have vacilated between wanting to try it, and thinking "Oh, hell no" I do not know if that helps or if it was what you are looking for Realizing that what you have complete control over is your own reaction. Is this something that will change your relationship or are you changing your relationship over it yourself? Because there is a big difference and maybe recognizing that difference will make it easier for you. June, I like how you phrased this. Definitely food for thought/different way of looking at things for when something pops up again in our relationship - thank you.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 8:00:00 PM)
I think this is really a human issue rather than any kink or ds issue. Without more info I can't really give solid advice on how to work through it.

girlygurl -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 10:31:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch i'm sure that there are threads out here about this but i'm not even sure which search term to use... there are certain things that i want to be able to do for Him and things that i really want for Him to be able to do (as in use other females) that are doing weird things to my head. i know that's really vague lol but i don't want to drag dirty laundry all over the board (well no more than i need to anyway). i'm just wondering if anyone has had experience working themselves into a headspace to get them to realize that it's going to work out okay? fluffy, I think I understand your post... and yes, with communication, trust, and time.... I've gotten myself to a point of acceptance when it comes to Sir playing with others. Not that He's done that recenty... but at this point, my love for Him and His love for me over power any concerns I had regarding this particular subject... and besides.... He says the next playmate will be bi and she will be for both of us. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! [sm=mrpuffy.gif] girly

StormsSlave -> RE: some help (3/13/2008 10:37:03 PM)
Things are always way worse in my own head than they are in the real world. The only thing I ever do is avoid saying nothing is wrong when I'm asked what's wrong. (He knows anyway, so what's the point?) I try to be honest, but fair, and not act like a spoiled child. I admit I do occasionally resemble the child, but so does My Lord, so I just stick my tongue out at him. [;)]

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