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Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:10:34 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

It's that time of the year folks, wedding invitations, guest lists, gifts and etc.
I have a family one to attend and thought it wise to brush up on some of the etiquette.
Here is a basic link -

http://www.howtodothings.com/food-and-drink/a2815-how-to-use-proper-wedding-etiquette.html

A couple of these guidelines give me pause -

8. Guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift and don't need to do so on the big day. That isn't to say a guest should wait so long however; it's preferable to bestow gifts upon the happy couple within 30 to 60 days of the wedding.

I like the idea of waiting to see how many toasters and matching towel sets the couple receives. Are gift certificates in good taste or bad taste? Which is better, practical or decorative?

10. Even though more people seem to be doing it lately, it's very bad form to wear white unless you happen to be the bride.

I am not likely to wear white or ivory, but most of my wardrobe is black/dark jewel tones. Is black still inappropriate for a wedding?

11. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Unless the wedding is on the beach, men should wear jackets and ties and women should wear dresses. Clothes should be tasteful and not provocative.

I have been to beach, backyard and park weddings that were very relaxed.
Those are pretty easy compared to the formal occasions. Do the hemlines need to be a certain length? Shoulders covered? No strapless dresses? etc.

One thing I have learned is to wear flat soled shoes or thicker heels for walking on grass or uneven surfaces. That is much more reasonable than
getting your heels caught in the turf.

Thank you A/all in advance for Y/you replies and opinions,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

Post #: 1

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:23:09 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval
8. Guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift and don't need to do so on the big day. That isn't to say a guest should wait so long however; it's preferable to bestow gifts upon the happy couple within 30 to 60 days of the wedding.

I like the idea of waiting to see how many toasters and matching towel sets the couple receives. Are gift certificates in good taste or bad taste? Which is better, practical or decorative?

10. Even though more people seem to be doing it lately, it's very bad form to wear white unless you happen to be the bride.

I am not likely to wear white or ivory, but most of my wardrobe is black/dark jewel tones. Is black still inappropriate for a wedding?

11. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Unless the wedding is on the beach, men should wear jackets and ties and women should wear dresses. Clothes should be tasteful and not provocative.

I have been to beach, backyard and park weddings that were very relaxed.
Those are pretty easy compared to the formal occasions. Do the hemlines need to be a certain length? Shoulders covered? No strapless dresses? etc.

One thing I have learned is to wear flat soled shoes or thicker heels for walking on grass or uneven surfaces. That is much more reasonable than
getting your heels caught in the turf.

Thank you A/all in advance for Y/you replies and opinions,

Vendaval

For the first one, my personal instinct is to get something tangible from a registry or a wishlist for the couple. Gift certificates are all well and good, but the first bit of married life can be terribly hectic and not allow for leisurely shopping trips, especially with the honeymoon, moving in, etc. Of course this depends on the couple, as some may actually prefer gift certificates so that they can buy what they want/need rather than having to force smiles through sixteen toasters and five blenders. The best course of action is to inquire to them directly if they have any registries set up, and if so, where -- if you want to surprise them, ask members of the wedding party, as they're probably privvy to that information as well. I would go with practical over decorative, as decorations are very subjective to the couple's personal tastes, and as a new couple I'd say they're probably going to be looking for things that will help them set up their first home together more than things to make it look pretty. Although there are many companies that now make small appliances, towels, sheets, the "practical" home items in very stylish ways! Some of the coffee makers I've seen are absolutely posh. If you've got the budget and one in your area, I'd suggest taking a trip to Williams-Sonoma... they're filled with kitcheny gadgets the likes of which you've never imagined, and they do say that setting up a good kitchen is the most expensive and most difficult part of the house.

Secondly, black is fine for an evening wedding, but you might want to compensate by adjusting your hemline (instead of a full-length, long-sleeved black satin ballgown, opt for a classic style below-the-knee length black dress). As a general rule you might be safer with the jewel tones, and always make sure to wear colors appropriate to the season -- typically darker colors in the fall and winter, lighter colors in the spring and summer.

Finally, as far as fashion goes, it is preferable to show up in a dress than in a pantsuit to a formal wedding. Depending on the level of formality you may need to bring out a long dress, but most weddings I've been to have been fine with below-the-knee length hems and a pair of stockings or pantyhose to cover your legs. Spaghetti-strap dresses are probably not your best choice, and you might be better off going for a wider strap if you're going to go sleeveless. Being Catholic, my rule has always been "Hmm, could I get away with wearing this to Sunday mass?" Avoid showing off cleavage or wearing ostentatious colors. Depending on your age you may be better off with a simple A-line dress and a shrug or jacket over your shoulders based on what the weather is doing at that moment.

You're definitely on the right track with the shoes -- especially with beach weddings, heels are going to sink right into the sand.

Most of it is common sense. If you have to question whether or not a certain outfit would be appropriate, keep looking until you find one that you feel is undoubtedly okay -- and when in doubt, ask the bride or groom what level of formality is being requested, although this is usually stated in the invitation.

Trinny and Susannah are my homegirls,
xoxo
Pyrrsefanie

< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 3/13/2008 2:26:46 PM >

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 2

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:31:19 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

It's that time of the year folks, wedding invitations, guest lists, gifts and etc.
I have a family one to attend and thought it wise to brush up on some of the etiquette.
Here is a basic link -

http://www.howtodothings.com/food-and-drink/a2815-how-to-use-proper-wedding-etiquette.html

Ah, etiquette! It has pretty much gone by the wayside, and that is too bad.

quote:

A couple of these guidelines give me pause -

8. Guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift and don't need to do so on the big day. That isn't to say a guest should wait so long however; it's preferable to bestow gifts upon the happy couple within 30 to 60 days of the wedding.

I like the idea of waiting to see how many toasters and matching towel sets the couple receives. Are gift certificates in good taste or bad taste? Which is better, practical or decorative?

I am so in love with the idea of registries. It makes it much easier for the guests and the stores involved keep track so that the items are filled in as they are purchased and taken off the list. Somtimes they even gift wrap and deliver for you. So check to see if they are registered anywhere and then shop from that. If not, then I see nothing wrong with a nice gift certificate (enclosed in a lovely card) from a place like Bed Bath & Beyond. They have all sorts of kitchen and bath items and it is fun for the couple to shop afterward. I am also one of those people who hates the idea of arriving at the wedding, gift in hand. There is no time to open them, additional space needs to be made to show off all those packages, and things can get mixed up very easily. Also, by sending a gift in advance, when possible, the bride (and groom) can begin writing thank you notes even before the big day.

quote:

10. Even though more people seem to be doing it lately, it's very bad form to wear white unless you happen to be the bride.

I am not likely to wear white or ivory, but most of my wardrobe is black/dark jewel tones. Is black still inappropriate for a wedding?

11. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Unless the wedding is on the beach, men should wear jackets and ties and women should wear dresses. Clothes should be tasteful and not provocative.

I have been to beach, backyard and park weddings that were very relaxed.
Those are pretty easy compared to the formal occasions. Do the hemlines need to be a certain length? Shoulders covered? No strapless dresses? etc.

One thing I have learned is to wear flat soled shoes or thicker heels for walking on grass or uneven surfaces. That is much more reasonable than
getting your heels caught in the turf.

Thank you A/all in advance for Y/you replies and opinions,

Vendaval

Black is not actually bad form. The cut of the dress as well as the mood (somber or gay) should be taken into consideration. If you have dark jewel tones, I would go with one of those.
Take your cues as to how you should dress as a guest, from the formality of the wedding. If it is a formal affair, then you should wear either a street length (not overly tight and mini) dress or a full length dress. Your escort, if you have one, should wear a suit and a tie. If the ceremony and reception is more casual, then you can probably get by with a dressy pair of slacks and a pretty blouse. I agree with you on the heels., I was sinking into the grass at My daughter's wedding,. It is something I never even thought about.
If the wedding is to be a casual outdoorsy event, then I think that a sleeveless, pretty sundress is fine. Even at a more formal wedding, a strapless gown or cocktail dress with a pretty wrap, as long as it is not a provocative style, is perfectly acceptable.
The main problem many people have is that guests who up in worn out jeans and a t-shirt while the bride, groom and attendants are in formal attire. It sort of spoils the atmosphere.
Have fun!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 3/13/2008 2:33:45 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 3

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:32:00 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

A couple of these guidelines give me pause -

8. Guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift and don't need to do so on the big day. That isn't to say a guest should wait so long however; it's preferable to bestow gifts upon the happy couple within 30 to 60 days of the wedding.

I like the idea of waiting to see how many toasters and matching towel sets the couple receives. Are gift certificates in good taste or bad taste? Which is better, practical or decorative?

I’m really unsure about gift certificates. If you get one, make sure it’s for a store that is likely to still be in business a month from now.

10. Even though more people seem to be doing it lately, it's very bad form to wear white unless you happen to be the bride.

I am not likely to wear white or ivory, but most of my wardrobe is black/dark jewel tones. Is black still inappropriate for a wedding?

If this is a daytime wedding, I would go with something a bit less severe.

11. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Unless the wedding is on the beach, men should wear jackets and ties and women should wear dresses. Clothes should be tasteful and not provocative.

I have been to beach, backyard and park weddings that were very relaxed.
Those are pretty easy compared to the formal occasions. Do the hemlines need to be a certain length? Shoulders covered? No strapless dresses? etc.

I think anything a ‘reasonable’ woman would wear to church or to a brunch with her grandmother will be fine.

< Message edited by xxblushesxx -- 3/13/2008 2:36:48 PM >

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 4

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:34:32 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I like the idea of waiting to see how many toasters and matching towel sets the couple receives. Are gift certificates in good taste or bad taste? Which is better, practical or decorative?

I would ask where the couple are registered, that is really the ideal solution because that way one can see what was purchased and not purchased by other people. Although that may not be the case if not the first wedding. Often couples will ask people to donate to a favorite charity instead of giving a gift if they are already established in life.

I

quote:

am not likely to wear white or ivory, but most of my wardrobe is black/dark jewel tones. Is black still inappropriate for a wedding?

That depends on the season, the couple, and also if one mixes black with other colors. For a summer or a spring wedding I would not wear black. For a more formal wedding I would not wear it either unless it was mixed with other colors...

quote:

I have been to beach, backyard and park weddings that were very relaxed.
Those are pretty easy compared to the formal occasions. Do the hemlines need to be a certain length? Shoulders covered? No strapless dresses? etc.

It depends on your age, the time of year, etc... I would follow the general guidlines of what is considered good taste based upon age and season. If one is in really fit condition the age appropriate hemline might not be an issue, but I would not wear something both lowcut on the bodice and high cut on the hem.... The object is to look tasteful and classy and not to draw attention which should go to the couple (in my opinion)

quote:

One thing I have learned is to wear flat soled shoes or thicker heels for walking on grass or uneven surfaces. That is much more reasonable than
getting your heels caught in the turf.

I agree.

I worked in the catering industry for about three years, and I saw many faux pas in the course of that time. Usually people who draw attention to themselves by dressing too loud, or they drink too much at the reception... avoid that and you should be fine

julia

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 5

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 2:40:57 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I would not go with waiting to see "how many toasters" they received... how on earth would you know? Gifts are not supposed to be brought to the wedding or reception, but should be sent to the bride's home. Going with something on the registry is always safe, and make sure the store knows about it so they can mark it off (if you are taking it with you), or else they can have it delivered.

I can't remember if it was in the original "Father of the Bride" movie, but I know it was in the remake. Watch the scenes after the engagement announcement when the gifts start arriving at the bride's home. They put them on display with the sender's name on a little card. It harkens back to a time when people "received visitors" in their home on a regular basis. Yes, it's old-fashioned, but still safe.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 6

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:03:15 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

13. When offering a toast to the bride or groom, do not recount stories of your sexual adventures with them or of their conduct at the prenuptial, last fling party.

Z.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 7

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:17:04 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

When I attend weddings, I bring a gift; that's just me. It's practical more often if I don't know them [or have been told what they need], or decorative if I do know them. Come to think of it, the last gift I gave at a wedding was to spring for the karaoke host's fees, since the couple wanted karaoke at the reception; I know the right people; and they couldn't afford one.

I think not wearing white is a stretch - if it's bad form, I couldn't wear a white shirt, now, could I?

[Those who saw my pics from the last wedding I attended know of what I speak.] Besides, it seems a sideways slant. "I'm wearing white but no other bitch better, because they'd be lying whores! I'm innocent, innocent!" Umm. Yeah. Right.

I loathe ties. Better put - I LOATHE TIES. I wouldn't wear one. I'm still a man if I don't. Jackets I can deal with, but I prefer my vest [again, reference to pics where that's precisely what I wore...].

Out of curiosity, where do people come up with this stuff? What do they cite?

_____________________________

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~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 8

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:23:52 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

The Ghost of Emily Post.

Seriously, the "no white" for women thing was so that no one tried to compete with the bride. The "no black" for women reflected that black for women was for funerals and mourning; however, in the last 30 years or so, black for women has become acceptable as long as it is a formal evening wedding, and the black dress reflects that in style.

Etiquette evolves from many things, tradition included. It also evolves from the notion that a polite society should not make others uncomfortable by our actions. If I were to wear a black dress to an afternoon casual wedding, not only would I look out of place, but the bride may very well be uncomfortable. And imagine if her new mother-in-law did that... it would definitely be a statement that she did not agree with her precious son marrying that girl.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 9

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:25:20 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

13. When offering a toast to the bride or groom, do not recount stories of your sexual adventures with them or of their conduct at the prenuptial, last fling party.

Z.

*snort*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 10

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:30:29 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Gifts are not supposed to be brought to the wedding or reception, but should be sent to the bride's home.

Thank you for that pointer. I usually see guest arriving with gifts at the wedding and then everything has to be loaded
into a pile on one of the tables and and moved to a car at
the end of the event.

One couple I know had to call their limo driver back to the hotel because their wedding gifts were still in the trunk.

I can't remember if it was in the original "Father of the Bride" movie, but I know it was in the remake. Watch the scenes after the engagement announcement when the gifts start arriving at the bride's home. They put them on display with the sender's name on a little card. It harkens back to a time when people "received visitors" in their home on a regular basis. Yes, it's old-fashioned, but still safe.

Cali

So sending the gifts to the bride's home before the wedding is appropriate? That is very good to know.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 11

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:33:27 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Have you been watching "Four Weddings and a Funeral"
or "The Wedding Crashers"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

13. When offering a toast to the bride or groom, do not recount stories of your sexual adventures with them or of their conduct at the prenuptial, last fling party.

Z.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 12

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:43:09 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Have you been watching "Four Weddings and a Funeral"
or "The Wedding Crashers"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

13. When offering a toast to the bride or groom, do not recount stories of your sexual adventures with them or of their conduct at the prenuptial, last fling party.

Z.

No - haven't seen them. Just sharing a little hard won wisdom.

Seriously though, one of my fave wedding gifts (to give) is a nice cooling fan, one of those free standing ones. Even a well appointed one with remote control, won't break the bank.

Z.

< Message edited by Zensee -- 3/13/2008 3:45:51 PM >

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 13

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 3:49:46 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Yes, sending gifts to the bride's home in advance of the wedding is very, very appropriate. This is not a birthday party or a baby shower, where part of the entertainment is the opening of gifts.

Believe it or not, I'm a moderator on another site that deals with these sorts of issues (seriously).

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 14

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 4:12:57 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

Even a well appointed one with remote control, won't break the bank.

Pretty much anything with a remote control should go down well

.

_____________________________

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 15

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 5:01:21 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

FR:
Is it poor form to do more than one bridesmaid at the reception?
thompson

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 16

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 5:08:42 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

Even a well appointed one with remote control, won't break the bank.

Pretty much anything with a remote control should go down well .

Well yeah. When you get tired of him channel surfing, slip him the remote for the fan.

Think outside the buttons, K.

Z.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 17

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 5:15:39 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

Think outside the buttons, K.

Actually, my filthy mind was thinking about what could be done with one of the buttons

.

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/13/2008 5:20:59 PM

seeksfemslave

Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

Under no circumstances is it considered proper for the best man to indulge in carnal activitity with the bride or the bridesmaids. Leastways not until after the reception.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 19

RE: Proper wedding etiquette questions - 3/14/2008 6:37:37 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

the wedding day is mostly for the bride. see what the bride wants, and make her happy. no big mystery there. my sisters wedding was interesting. we had to get there. that is about it. they offerred to fly mom and I in. i said no. we will pay our way. i told my sister up front her gift would be a handmade photo album. she was ok wiht that. she may have even thrown it out. but it was her day. i regret that i did not smile that day. oh well.

(in reply to seeksfemslave)

Post #: 20

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