GreedyTop -> RE: SLEEPINGBAG TORTURE (3/13/2008 7:28:42 PM)
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ORIGINAL: HandSolo Well, first, you'll need to handcuff the sleeping bag. This is the most difficult part, as sleeping bags lack hands. At this point, begin a regimine of intimidation, isolation, and sleep dprivation. Isolating and striking terror into the sleeping bag should be easy, sleep deprivation, not surprisingly, is tough. They didn't get that name by accident. You can tell when a sleeping bag is sleeping due to the fact it will remain motionless. They sleep very deeply, and will not stir, and do not seem to dream. You can rowse the bag by jostling it, pushing it, throwing or kicking it, and sometimes by tickling it. Once you feel the bag is sufficiently softened up, you can begin the actual torture. Force the bag to watch The Golden girls (being careful to keep it awake). Deprive it of Saltine crackers, which they love. Threaten it with a space heater. If all else fails, remove the "Do Not Remove" tag, and it will be jelly in your hands, although this is an extreme measure that I hesitate to mention. Many sleeping bag torture practitioners consider this act too barbaric to contemplate, as it can leave the sleeping bag permenently scarred, as evidenced by its tendency to sleep a lot. It's a subltle difference, but noticable to those with proper training. Should your sleeping bag become narcoleptic, you should immediately cease any and all torture, and treat it to a ride in the dryer with a few sheets of fabric softener. It may forgive your transgressions, but there are no guarantees in life. Edit: Drat. Too slow. WARNING LABELS, people! PLEASE !! *grumbles as I wipe the Mt Dew out of my nose and off my face*
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