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Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 8:06:17 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		As my Mistress does not always have time to spend with me, she has encouraged me to find a sub of my own. We discussed it and she said she would want me to be the top, not sub to anyone else. I find this both a little nerve wracking and exciting at the same time.

I was just wondering how many others have had this experience and what you think of it?

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 8:07:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My former master is the one who encouraged me to learn to top and forcast that I would become a dominant.

I truly hope she is not just expecting to give the order of "find a sub of your own" and then expecting you to actually be a decent competent dominant over night?  Even becoming a competent top can take years and you may never have the orientation to really fit in as the dominant in a relationship.

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 8:28:04 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My Master wants the same for me as he wants me to be doted on and taken care of in ways he is not willing to do himself.  I was nervous about it at first, but he taught me a great deal, and we brought in a male submissive who served us both and who actually really liked that I was a slave to another, for several reasons.  It worked out well for a time but my Master intimidated the sub too much (he can do that sometimes, lol) and we parted ways. 

In time we will find someone else who is interested in such an arrangement and I'm quite confident in my ability to take on the responsibility of another human being.  Once I became confident in myself and in what Master taught me, I was surprised at how much came naturally to me.  Still, I would not be so comfortable without my Master overseeing the process. 

I wish you well with this.  Will your Master be involved?

(in reply to Kitte9)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 9:55:41 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		My personal opinion is that one is primarily a sub or a Domme.  To change from one to the other is like changing genders.  Possible, but not easy.  (I could never imagine truly being a dominant.  I could play one on TV, I suppose, but it wouldn't be me.)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 10:00:22 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I never liked the way a sub acted with me once they learned to be dominant with others. It is not like a wall switch where it is either on or off, more often than not.  In order to learn to be dominant, you have to be able to be. Often that translates back into being less submissive, which I never liked.  But I also couldnt fault someone I pushed into the position, so after one time allowing my sub to have a sub I learned my lesson.

DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
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VampiresLair

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 10:04:44 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I never liked the way a sub acted with me once they learned to be dominant with others. It is not like a wall switch where it is either on or off, more often than not.  In order to learn to be dominant, you have to be able to be. Often that translates back into being less submissive, which I never liked.  But I also couldnt fault someone I pushed into the position, so after one time allowing my sub to have a sub I learned my lesson.

DV



Amen. I never had anything but trouble with switches who were more toppy. We just ended up fighting over who got to run the show-I'd be vanilla if that turned me on.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 10:22:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I never liked the way a sub acted with me once they learned to be dominant with others. It is not like a wall switch where it is either on or off, more often than not.  In order to learn to be dominant, you have to be able to be. Often that translates back into being less submissive, which I never liked.  But I also couldnt fault someone I pushed into the position, so after one time allowing my sub to have a sub I learned my lesson.

DV



You're right about this, DV, special care needs to be taken when a dominant teaches his/her submissive to take on such a thing.  At first I found it awkward to be with both Master and submissive but soon became comfortable with it.  I am just being myself.  I have managed people and projects at work all the time, I manage my mother, and I am the family's "go-to" person for advice when things are funky.  None of that has affected my submission to my Master.  But there were a few times in the beginning when I answered him with an attitude and tone I might have taken with the submissive but never with Master.  He nipped that in the bud immediately, and hard.

But yes, it can be a conflict within the dynamic, and what you said is important. My overall training and preparation for something like this took over 3 years before he felt we were ready for it.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 10:49:46 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		No, i don't think i'd be comfortable with that at all... Not that i've ever been in that position, but i really don't see how that's supposed to help either one of you?  Are you supposed to be learning to be a co-top for when she finally has time for you and some other partner? Is this an online-only relationship where she expects you to report back on your adventures? i could see having a Dominant want to watch you Top someone else for his or her amusement, but saying "go pick up another partner and have some fun" while in a part-time relationship would be a serious warning sign for me.


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 11:33:44 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		A bit of backround. I have always been in control of my other relations. Only with her have I ever been submisive. I believe this is part of her reasoning, as I have never been comfortable enough to trust another to submit to. She also wants me to be happy, as she is aware she cannot always give me what I need due to our conflicting schedules. See-> retail.   I was aware of the conflicts going in, and do not wish to push, so this is what we agreed upon to resolve the disparity. We agreed. Remember that. She is in no way forcing me, but is considerate enough to want my happiness. We all should be so lucky. I was just wondering if others would feel the same as I, nervous and excited.

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 11:36:24 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Seriously though. I have never had anything but trouble with switches. Keep a close eye on your attitudes as you get into this. Doms really do hate being told what to do.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/13/2008 11:52:59 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I could I could ever tell her what to do. I am a born Leo, and fit that decription to a tee, but there is something about her. I've never trusted anyone as I do her. She can bring me pain with desire, I crave it, submision without asking, I wish it, and a want to please her I have never experienced before. Does that make sense?

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I am stronger than yesterday

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 1:38:57 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Mistress doesn't want me subbing to anyone else unless She directs it and She doesn't want me topping anyone, either.  On top of that, Satan doesn't want me in Hell because he's afraid I'll take over. 

Geez...can't win for losing, I tell ya!

***off to gather minions who are hell-bent on world domination***

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to Kitte9)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 3:39:53 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

As my Mistress does not always have time to spend with me, she has encouraged me to find a sub of my own. We discussed it and she said she would want me to be the top, not sub to anyone else. I find this both a little nerve wracking and exciting at the same time.

I was just wondering how many others have had this experience and what you think of it?


Gosh Kitte
  I sure hope the idea and conversation really didn't happen the way your post described..
 because what it made me think of was a impatient and distracted parent shoooshing a child from the room, saying "go go go..go outside and play like a good kid, mommy's too busy right now" ..
 
   She( your mistress) might want to remember the saying " becareful what you ask for, you might just get it....and then what will you do??"
 
  Topping a bottom is one thing, but deciding to find a submissive of your own( to play with), is different.
 
WHat about the feelings and emotions of the sub you would find?  Will she/he understand your true intention and motivation behind you wanting the relationship ( casual and that your submission and devotion is given to someone else? )
How will you balance YOUR needs of submitting and obeying another, with your sub's needs for your time, your being in control, your emotional energy having to be split.
 
Who will get your loyalty and who will be your priority?
 
It's not impossible to do or have both...I'm just saying > It comes with its own challenges and special needs from all involved and isn't really something to endeavor with such a casual " ohhh I have nothing better to do & have some extra time on my hands, so I think Ill find my own sub"  mind set.
THAT is a tragic accident waiting to happen with several casualties, imo.
 
 

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 3:46:32 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's a service to you dominant if that is what they decide you must do - I do not see it any different to any other instruction or desire.
Personally, I can top, but I do not top another partner.  It's a great learning curve.  But it isn't something you can just do over night and take on another partner with the expectation you can just top with the click of fingers.
Personally, I would suggest you work out what you are doing - are you switch and have a poly dynamic or are you topping from submission?  Once you sort that out, you can progress from there.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 4:57:12 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have subs who are switches. They have their own subs. If thats  the way they want to be more power to them. I have no interest in who their subs are. That is none of my business.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 5:16:33 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy encourages me to "top" and so far i have a pet (who's listed as dominant here) that enjoys the "abuse" i bestow upon him.  now Daddy wants me to find a female pet to play and to add to our family however i'm taking my (snail's pace) time in finding one. i don't like to share Daddy with anyone else.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Kitte9)
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RE: Would you feel comfortable... - 3/14/2008 7:13:54 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice and concerns. I plan on being as upfront and informative as I can with any prospective partner, as it is the only fair way for them to decide if the dynamic is right for them. They will meet my Mistress and we will progress from there.

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I am stronger than yesterday

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Profile   Post #: 17
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