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Sunnyfey -> *slightly freaked out* (3/14/2008 6:04:44 PM)
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ok need some background info for this one.
I met my current Dom (public play only..at the fetish parties, and he is in charge of telling me if I can or cant play with anyone else, like if I met a Dom on here, My play party dom would say yes or no about playing with them) through his now ex wife, the Domme who introduced me to the local scene. So we had year long reltionship, as sub and Dom only at the fetish shows, and just casual friends outside of the scene. He eventually collared me and we spent the rest of the time haveing fun at the parties, and hang out when work sceduals permitted it. We never had any sexual contact, e.g. he never touched me anywhere the flogger dident, no french kissing, ect. Him and his wife eventually (through no falt of my own I might add) got a divorce and parted ways reletively amicably. And now, a year and a half later (I traveled the country for a good bit of time after he left the local scene on a sabatical to say it that way, and thus..left his service) We have a scene at a local event, and after I bounce back from after care, I hear him talking about collaring me again. (really emotional scene for me, and also him I suspect). We'll we've spent the last month or so with each other ALOT. The usual way goes, I get off work go to the bar we frequent, me and him have a few beers and run off to his house for a night of fun. Then we usually spend the next morning/afternoon quietly watching tv and just being near each other. Neither of us talk alot, unless we happen to be tipsey. We dont mind spending hours not talking except to giggle at the tv or his dog ( I LOVE his Dog, sweetest animal ever). Well, He made a joke the other night seeing a bruise on my thigh I got at work, "Girl you been cheating on me?" , Me giggleing like an idiot and sticking my tounge out at him "Cheating on you, last time I checked I have to be Yours in and out of the scene before Im cheating" to this he replied by saying "Shut it and take your damned clothes off".
Bah, I adore going to his house like 3-4 times a week, I love being with him at and after the parties. I just like being around him, a bad day at work, bad to the point I was in tears, I go to the bar, he hands me a beer and pokes fun untill I laugh again. He always makes me feel more relaxed and happy.
My question is, Im falling in love with him, big fast and in a hurry. We made a point to our relationship outside of the scene yes being with each other but, no emotional ties right? I understand this and am ok with it, or was. I mean he just got out of a 7 year marriage. And I feel bad not for loveing him like I do, but...for feeling like, if I tell him how my feelings have developed, I dont want him to feel obligated by our connection in the scene and outside of it to be in a "normal" (for us scener types) relationship. Its working for us right now, it really is we're both happy. Except, Im missing the deeper emotional connection. The fact I know I love him, but dont know and dont have the balls to ask if he feels the same way. And I feel like, if I said I loved him and he said something like "I know and care about you too but..the divorce"...I know hes not over it yet, hes getting his fire back and quickly, but...hard to explain, I know somethings missing for him and will be untill he gets over her. but anyway I feel like if he said that, that he might pull away from me in and out of the scene...and I need the scene, keeps me sane...you guys know this.
Someone help me
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