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MistressKay -> RE: True submission is... (9/30/2005 6:11:21 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lonewolf05
i dunno. maybe it's me? it seems you keep asking the wrong questions...
equal? i have never heard of any Domme/sub being equal.. it is about HER...not him.
From first appearance it does appear unequal - but in actuality it's balanced - for to make a relationship equal requires that both express their desires and needs, both see to the desires and needs of each other, both receive or take what it is they desire and need. So even in a power exchange relationship it can still be equal (and should). After all we are just two heads on the same coin - without either side the coin has no value. We cannot dominate without a submissive, they cannot submit without a dominant.
Even a submissive who craves 24/7 domestic servitude is getting something for their labor of love - they are getting their fantasies and desires met in the very act of cleaning. The dominant is getting a clean house and freeing up her time so she can enjoy life more (it's also easier to stay in a dominant headspace when one isn't distracted by a million mundane tasks that need to be taken care of). Both get something they enjoy, both give something they enjoy (she gives of her time & seeing to his training & discipline).
My point to all this - if two consenting adults come to an agreement and both get what they need out of it - then it is an equal relationship.
There will always be those who will take advantage of a gift offered - those who seek handouts because it is easier to take than to put forth the effort to earn it themselves. There will always be those who struggle financially looking for an easy buck. There will always be those so insecure and out of control that they seek imaginary lifestyles to provide a sense of control where there is none.
Our lifestyle attracts the unstable and damaged souls - but that doesn't make all of us unstable or damaged. The real challenge is sorting through all the chaos and finding those stable self-suffiencient confident partners who can enhance the quality of your life while you enhance theirs. If you seek BDSM because it is erotic fun or a deep down need within you that is one thing - if you seek bdsm to hide from your life or to heal you from previous emotional or physical abuse or damage then you are in this for all the wrong reasons.
Finding a partner in bdsm is no more difficult than finding a vanilla partner - there will always be desperate people, needy people, unbalanced people. Take your time and get to know your potential partner long before you ever play with them. Anticipation is a good thing - so many are so rushed for that immediate gratification - but anticipation allows things to build and grow so that when you do finally play the sparks are all consuming and the experience intoxicating!
I wish all those out there all the best in their journey - just remember, you are the only one responsible for YOU - take that responsibility seriously and choose what is best for you (not just what you can get).
To thine own self be true...
Lady Kay
"all will be rewarded... not all rewards are pleasant!"
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