RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission?

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RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission? - 3/18/2008 5:12:21 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy52

Here's another take on it all..i wonder if i would have permission to give permission??

Chezzy i was once told i had to ask if i could ask a question.

"Can i ask a question please Mistress ? "

"No" said with a grin a mile wide... At least it shut me up for an hour.

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RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission? - 3/18/2008 8:46:21 PM

undergroundsea

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From: Austin, TX
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I agree with Darchchylde that permission may be too strong a word. I think consent better fits my take on the matter.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

To Dominas and their partners, how do you handle conflict resolution in your own relationships?

I would indicate that I had concerns about a matter and try to discuss the matter using principles of compassionate communication.

quote:

As a partner on the bottom (switch, submissive, or slave), do you just follow your Domina carte blanche or do you like to be asked about certain things? Are there things you don't want your Domina to do without your permission?

The answer depends on the what is done, and who does it. The factors that would bring an objection would be if there is a suggested sense of disrespect that offends me, or whether the matter conflicts with a boundary. With the possibility of objection aside, I can imagine the scenario enhancing the feeling of submission.

For example, a domme deciding for me what I would eat is something that would likely enhance the feeling of submission whereas a domme crossing what would be an appropriate level of privacy (reading my email) would likely draw an objection. This example illustrates both the significance of what is done, and who does it. The latter is significant because the level of familiarity influences whether an act feels appropriate or not.

quote:

Do you feel this breaks the BDSM dynamic or helps it along? If your partner has a serious issue or problem, how do you like them to handle this, respectfully, while maintaining BDSM dynamics?

I think consent can be sought with words that break the BDSM dynamic and words that do not. I think a discussion of this type can be had while maintain the BDSM dynamic so long as the submissive feels able to speak freely. I have been able to have such conversations in respectful manner that preserved the dynamic. I will add that the matter depends on the dynamic. A dynamic that is D/s only and D/s all the time is different than a dynamic that alternates between everyday life protocol and D/s protocol.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission? - 3/19/2008 7:19:13 AM

youngsubgeoff

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From: The Asylum
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One thing my mentor said to me is now ringing in my head. He said, "Any dominant worth theyre salt, regardless of gender, realizes that they must impress us, the sub, in order for us to accept theyre ownership". So, in some ways, yes, the sub does give permission for the dominant to own them. At the very beginning of the relationship, the sub holds a great deal of cards. However, this goes both ways. The sub must also present themselves as desireable to the dominant. Perhaps it is something of a dance, two partners feeding off the energy of each other. I feel there must be a mutual respect between the two partners as human beings for there to be a healthy, happy relationship.

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RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission? - 3/19/2008 10:09:32 AM

ElanSubdued

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Thank you to everyone who responded. My week has been extremely busy thus far and it's about to get even busier. This is why I've not been back to the thread. That said, I've read all the responses and really appreciate the differing viewpoints. A few people commented on my use of the word "permission". To me, this is somewhat a matter of semantics. In the context of the thread, words and phrases like "consent", "mutual respect", and "communication and agreement" may be substituted for "permission". These embody the essence of what I meant. (Note, an agreement might be that a submissive consents to doing things for his Domina / Owner / Leader that he wouldn't normally do and/or doesn't want to do. I still consider this consent and mutual agreement.) I'll admit, however, that in the thread's title, I used the word permission as an attention grabber.

Next week, when things cool down a bit for me, I'd like to come back to this thread and comment in a more meaningful way. There are a lot of good ideas here that are now churning away in my head. Thanks again to everyone who replied.

Elan.

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RE: Do subs give their Dominas permission? - 3/20/2008 7:38:34 AM

AtlantaMistress

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I agree with the majority of the posts in this thread - the semantics may be debatable - and permission vs. consent may be construed as the same thing perhaps. Everyone has their limits, which should be discussed and negotiated. Boundaries may be pushed, but limits must be respected. Submission is a beautiful gift, and must be appreciated and mutual respect is very important. I beleive that the D/s roles are simply equal yet opposite, and know that I have no control over anyone other than myself unless it is given to me. If, in asking permission, that means negotiation for consent - if it is not done - the relationship will not be effective.

Communication has also come up - and for those that have read my prior postings - I am a true believer that COMMUNICATION & TRUST are the keys to ANY successful relationship - D/s, Vanilla, friendship, love/romantic - doesn't matter. I think they are crucial in D/s relationship - since you may be sharing a side of yourself that you do not share with everyone (even a secret side - filled with fetishes and fantasies) but that can make it easier to open up all parts of your life. IMO when you can trust someone to share these very private thoughts/feelings/desires - it is relatively simply to discuss the vanilla things. In my professional relationships (although the lines between personal and professional certainly blur) - I have VERY special friendships with the boys I see - I have been told I am like an erotic therapist, since they can open up about things they may not feel comfortable telling anyone else in their lives, and trust that they can do so without the threat of DRAMA or for the most part, worrying how it will effect the "relationship" moving forward. In my personal relationship - I have found that the D/s side has allowed better, more open communication than I have EVER experienced in a Vanilla relationship. I often ask my boys opinion, or he respectfully will let me know if he has feelings that he believes should be considered that perhaps I am not aware of (I am not a mind reader). That said, he trusts me to have the final decision (even in vanilla matters) knowing that I will always do the best thing for US.

Elan - good posts, and very thoughtful responses

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