RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment'

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 3:34:45 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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would you feel guilty eating all the ice cream and not sharing any with me???

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 3/15/2008 3:35:02 PM >

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 3:36:41 PM

Taintedblood

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if you where there i would lol

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 4:27:38 PM

TracyTaken

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

I use the bathroom frequently and there was a lot of stuff to put back.

I knew i hadn't cleaned the bath properly because there was baby oil in so it would need more than 2 wipe downs etc - so I know that was my fault as i would have been pissed at myself if i had slipped in the bath and hurt myself.

I see a ton of difference between me being mad at me for hurting myself and him being mad at me because he got hurt (we've done the whole slipped disk thing) because I failed somehow.

Like I said, I do not understand the dynamic. It sounds like dysfunction junction to me - but then, I'd really be devestated that he got hurt and I thought it was my fault, and it's not like corner time or spanking or getting the crap beat out of me would mean diddley squat comparatively.

It would stop being about kink at the point that he blamed me, but that's just us.

Do whatever works for you.

< Message edited by TracyTaken -- 3/15/2008 4:28:20 PM >

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 4:32:29 PM

Taintedblood

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i don't think he blames me as such and he definately dosn't blame me for his slipped disc

i would have been made at myself for slipping in the shower as i have a slipped disc too so i know how much it must have hurt him

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 5:45:28 PM

DominaSmartass

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I hate to joke about serious matters (cough cough) sorry...but did you guys meet on slippeddisckinkysingles.com or something? And seriously, if someone feels the need to punish you for putting things in the wrong spot then it's very likely they are looking for an excuse to punish because they enjoy doing it but have a hard time just admitting that and thus look for any excuse to do it for an infraction. That's cool if everyone understands that's the dynamic but when it's just the dom constantly punishing for nitpicky things it can start to wear thin on the sub who takes every little thing like it's the end of the world.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 5:51:39 PM

Taintedblood

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lol no we met on here funnily enough. He slipped it before he met me - i'm just a clumsy clutz and slipped mine a few wks ago moving furniture alone with a broken wrist.

Like I say it was the first time I have been punished by him and the corner time really didn't bother me it all - he has struggled with the D/s dynamic i appear to be popping his D/s cherry so to speak.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 7:11:17 PM

xoxi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Well your still upset 2 days later... seems pretty effective to my way of thinking. The whole point of punishment is NOT to be enjoiable. It's supposed to make you reflect upon your actions. So your dom has accomplished his goal very effecttive.

BadOne

That's one way of looking at it...but when my Master punishes me, he first talks to me about what I did and makes sure I understand why its an issue, then he gives the punishment, and afterwards he holds me and kisses me (I'm usually crying by that point) and says he forgives me. He sees punishment as a path toward both forgiveness (the transgression has been atoned for) and self forgiveness as well (I have been justly punished and forgiven therefore the issue is over) and would see lasting guilt feelings as a failure of the punishment.

Different strokes for different canes, I suppose

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 7:52:09 PM

Leatherist

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I've seen this sort of issue once or twice.

I managed to come up with a few things extreme enough for the girl to get over second guessing me again.

Be careful what you wish for-if we say it's enough-it's enough.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 8:14:54 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

All the time i have known him he has had a slipped disc he is waiting for an op on it.

he is rather new to the whole D/s dynamics of a relationship.

i will talk to him though.

thanks

He sounds rather new....

Here is my take on how "normal" this is from my time spent reading these fora. It is normal for people new to this to punish over insignificant stuff. Most of the threads I have read in regard to this sort of punishing were more along the lines of the movie "The Secretary" where the submissive intentionally fucks up to get "punished". New doms might get confused about the fun sort of "Now I need to punish you" and the more serious side of punishing for serious infractions.

Now, most of the people I have read on here punish, or get punished. The longer term relationships this seems to be the exception and not the rule. It is used for serious things, not things that are accidental. If he punishes you for such petty things, how is he going to make a strong impact when it is really needed?

I do not get punished at all, we do not have that sort of dynamic. He knows I wouldn't intentionally put something away in a manner to displease him. If I did something contrary to his liking, he would wonder if he had communicated his desires properly and he would repeat himself in a different way as to know that I "got it". He would make sure I knew that he had told me once already.

He also knows that habits take time to establish themselves. For example, his neighbors complain about the front door slamming closed, so he has to close it very gingerly because it slams on its own. I had to be reminded several times not to do it before it sunk in... But I finally got it. People are not computers, they need time to learn these things....

julia

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 9:03:26 PM

CalifChick

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Am I the only one thinking that with two people with slipped discs in one house, there should be NO baby oil on the premises??

If you (the generic you) are wanting to give punishment, the punishment must be meaningful to the punishee. Just like children... the worst punishment in the world for my older one was time alone in her bedroom, because she was very social and wanted to be with us. Does that work for every child? Absolutely not. The punishment must fit the PERSON (not the crime as is often said).

I was merely threatened with cornertime once and it put me into a bad funk, because it brought back some serious childhood memories. If someone felt the need to go there, it certainly would be memorable (among other things) for me.

So you felt guilty for doing the wrong thing (or failing to do the right thing) and the punishment didn't fit YOU, so it did not assuage your guilt.

Cali

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/15/2008 10:51:42 PM

DaintyDemure

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Cornertime is a punishment used on me by my Lady quite regularly. An eyebolt in the corner of the livingroom (hidden by a plant when not in use) at mouth level is where my ballgag (with lead ring) is attached. This keeps me from looking at anything but the corner as I cant turn my head. My hands are locked at my sides and usually I'm standing in heels. Another one is Stairtime. My hands are locked in front of me and a 3 foot chain is locked to the handrail bracket halfway up the stairwell. You cant get comfortable sitting on hard stairs. My Lady believes in punishments that are boring, offer me discomfort and ensure I am getting no attention. For worse offenses a hard spanking may be applied. This makes sitting on the stairs alot more uncomfortable. Once my punishment is over, I am completely forgiven and treated like it never happened.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 12:14:50 AM

adrian28

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I'll have to agree with Cali on this, the punishment must suit the offender. If you still feel guilt then cornertime wasn't the appropriate step. As to if it's normal, can you define normal in the world we live in?

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 1:12:08 AM

stella41b

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Is anything normal? I know I'm not. Normal is a state of mind, used to describe anything which is usual and appropriate for you personally.

This issue is over cleaning or domestic work. I know from my own experience that no matter how well you clean or how thorough you are if you really look you can usually find some fault with the cleaning.

I'm taking this at face value. Yes I've made mistakes as a sub and yes, quite often the guilt has outweighed the punishment, as it would if my Mistress had have slipped and hurt herself in the bath.

But what actually is the most fundamental issue of submission? Is it the desire to submit and please your Dominant? Or is it the need for validation and punishment?

Surely the most desirable position to be in is when you can discipline yourself without needing any external validation or punishment from your Dominant?

This is what I see in your case, your own punishment of yourself was more effective than that of your Dominant.

The way I see it, if you're the submissive and in a relationship with a Dominant then his punishment of you isn't really of your concern, not unless it's 'play' punishment and negotiable. But if it's real punishment with the intention of modifying, correcting or signalling a misdemeanour then surely it's for you not to question, not to discuss, or even evaluate, but merely to accept. And you accept it irrespective of whether it's too harsh or too lenient.

There's two ways of looking at this and approaching it. The first option is to talk about this with your Dominant and criticize the punishment at the risk of being perceived to be topping from the bottom. The second option is to share your feelings with your Dominant, making him aware of how guilty you feel and how you feel responsible that he slipped in the bath, and how you are going to use those guilty feelings to discipline yourself and do what you can to prevent a similar misdemeanour in the future.

There's two ways of looking at guilt. You can allow it to trap you and inhibit you, or you can perceive it as acknowledgement of something you've done wrong and learn to overcome by doing what you can to improve, progress, learn or make things better, whatever the case may be.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 2:35:18 AM

Taintedblood

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Thank you for all your responses they have been very insightful to me.

My 'Daddy' so to speak has seen this thread while i was talking to him last night - and didn't realise that I was so upset with what had happened and how guilty i felt about him slipping and hurting himself.

Apparently he had thought that i hadn't been bothered at all by him slipping and assumed something other than that had been on my mind all day on the day that it happened.

It was late when we spoke so today we will more than likely go over what has happened.

I feel a whole lot happier now - thank you once again :)

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 5:41:51 AM

Sirsinini

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

I feel really guilty - and that I haven't been repremanded enough for my mistake.

Is this normal?

I am not his maid so corner time and discipline is not from not knowing how to be his maid.

But to answer your last question ... DID HE FORGIVE YOU? If not, maybe that is why you feel quilty?

Sir always forgives me (and holds me) after I beg his forgiveness, after I have had my discipline.

Sir's devoted property

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 6:12:23 AM

MissSCD

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Tainted:

Corner time is great punishment. If your Dom/me has never done that before, they should explain to you if they want to do so.
Part of this lifestyle is dealing with the unexpected, and that is the way it is. I had rather someone put me in th corner than yell and scream at me the way my ex husband did to me for five years.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 7:44:45 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

Thank you for all your responses they have been very insightful to me.

My 'Daddy' so to speak has seen this thread while i was talking to him last night - and didn't realise that I was so upset with what had happened and how guilty i felt about him slipping and hurting himself.

Apparently he had thought that i hadn't been bothered at all by him slipping and assumed something other than that had been on my mind all day on the day that it happened.

It was late when we spoke so today we will more than likely go over what has happened.

I feel a whole lot happier now - thank you once again :)

...when in doubt, check it out...
communication!
I am glad you have begun to sort it out.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 9:46:48 AM

ownedgirlie

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I haven't read all the replies, but read I enough to see that what you're mostly getting (so far) is how you shouldn't have been punished, and how clumsy your Daddy must be. Which is not what you asked about at all.

You asked about guilt. Whether or not he verbally deems you as forgiven, or specifically said he was angry (or not), it appears to me you have confusion as to where you stand right now. You would be right to ask him about this, and to let him know that you feel you are in limbo and that is upsetting to you. Ask him if it is over, and if he says it is, and if he says it is time to move on, then it is your responsibility to do so and not continue to give him something to deal with that he says is done.

As for talking to him, it is my opinion that you should always tell your dominant when you are upset about something and why. How can he effectively dominate you if he doesn't know what he is working with? My guess is as soon as you talk to him, things will be made right. And your dynamic is what it is. Others may spout opinions about how right or wrong it is, but if it is working for you both, that is all you need to focus on.

It takes time to learn to drop guilt, but it can be done. I used to be the guilt monger. Now when he says "get over it" I drop it instantly, as holding onto it would be disobeying.

I wish you well with this.

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 9:56:55 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

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quote:

I haven't read all the replies, but read I enough to see that what you're mostly getting (so far) is how you shouldn't have been punished, and how clumsy your Daddy must be. Which is not what you asked about at all.

You are right, she asked whether her guilt was normal. I suppose I was so focused on her punishments and the infractions that caused them I kinda lumped the entire post together as to ask if that was normal.

You know my attitude... to each their own, if she is happy, I am happy for her

julia

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RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' - 3/16/2008 10:00:03 AM

HerLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Some people just don't handle negative reinforcement at all well. I don't so he doesn't use it any more. Does he know how upset you still are?

For stuff like that, I doubt I'd be punished because it wouldn't teach me where to put things. It isn't as though you did this deliberately sticking the baby powder in front of the band aids instead of behind and snickering to yourself that he'll never find them. More effective to get paper and pencil and write a list of where to put things.

If he's that unsteady in the shower, he'd do better to solve the problem once and for all by getting a grab bar that attaches to the side of the tub.

But we're into finding solutions to problems so they aren't problems any longer.

I still find myself struck when it dawns on me again how many aren't.

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