RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment'

RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 10:04:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet You are right, she asked whether her guilt was normal. I suppose I was so focused on her punishments and the infractions that caused them I kinda lumped the entire post together as to ask if that was normal. You know my attitude... to each their own, if she is happy, I am happy for her julia I know your "to each their own" attitude, and have always appreciated that, especially given how differently we are from each other in our relationships! I think the OP did herself a disservice by laying out all the details of her situation, as that is what people focused on, rather than her overall question about guilt. Then again, I may have misunderstood and perhaps she wanted all that input. Perhaps it helped and I'm off my rocker! (Wouldn't be the first time).

Taintedblood -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 10:36:07 AM)
All the answers have really helped thank you. I know i didn't convey myself very well but i wasn't sure how to word things so I put most of the information in just so that the bigger picture was available I guess

SailingBum -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 11:06:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Am I the only one thinking that with two people with slipped discs in one house, there should be NO baby oil on the premises?? Cali uh no I was thinking baby oil bathtub WTF Over. Kinda like playing with fire sooner or later yer gonna get fryed. As my dad used to say. "ya gotta stop and think before you go off doing stupid shit" BadOne

Taintedblood -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 11:11:19 AM)
I use baby oil in the bath it helps my skin alot.

SailingBum -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 11:16:41 AM)
Well well well. Here's a thought put it on afterward. or put a non skid surface in your bath tub. Like I said STOP and THINK! BadOne

SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 11:18:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood I use baby oil in the bath it helps my skin alot. I use it in the bath too. He has a maid that comes to clean the tub, I do not have to do it. If he ever has problems with standing in the tub because of slippery things, he would probably make sure that I either did not use baby oil, or he would check to make sure the tub wasn't slippery (knowing him he would probably make sure the tub wasn't slippery). I have a mother with bad back issues, and have used baby oil in the same tub she uses. She has never made it anyone else's responsibility that she may slip, and she now uses a shower chair to make sure she doesn't. There are just too many variables in my mind to make someone else responsible for our personal safety in the bath tub... a shampoo bottle could leak, soap residue, etc. I just do not think it is right to make someone else responsible for our safety when we are the ones that have to pay for it. Now if you left a skateboard in the hall way I could see it, but tubs are slippery places. In fact the more clean a tub is, the more slippery it becomes. julia Edited to add, I still have guilt issues in life, and I would feel guilty too. In this life it is hard for me to know where my guilt and responsibility end and another person's begins because of this... so I have to logically determine this. I suppose my Daddy knows this about me, and he dislikes me feeling "guilty", he doesn't want that.

Taintedblood -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 11:22:56 AM)
It isn't my bath tub it's the first time i have bathed there.

SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 12:00:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood It isn't my bath tub it's the first time i have bathed there. Did he tell you not to use baby oil? Did he inform you to clean his tub after you finished? If he is still reading this thread, I would just ask him if he expects you to know rules that have not even been talked about or discussed yet? Is punishment the first or the last resort? Now there are no wrong answers to the above questions, but they are something to think about when developing a dynamic where punishment is used. julia

Hiswifeon7707 -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 12:35:05 PM)
punishment & reward are not part of our relationship. i know many use it but for us it doesnt make sense. i always try my best, if i error he corrects me and i modify my behavior. there is no need for punishment when a mistake occurs, it is an oppertunity for learning & growing & especially communicating. certaining your errors were not done on purpose?

SirRussellP -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 12:58:09 PM)
SailingBum your right about punishment. What I have heard here seem to be his punishment should have been physical or it should not have been. When I punish it is harsh but very rarely physical. I want her to to learn and grow from it and not repeat the mistake. Punishment from me comes with a talk about why it was wrong, why it upset me and then that the punishment will hurt me too. That I think is a key overlooked element the punishment should cause the Dom to be hurting too because he has failed to some extent in her training. For example I love to spank and start her most days with a long pleasure spanking and several climaxes from it but if she did something that I needed to punish her for I would withhold that for a set time and probably have her explain to what she did wrong and how she will correct it. This would hurt us both of course in different ways.

KnightofMists -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 4:15:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood I feel really guilty - and that I haven't been repremanded enough for my mistake. Is this normal? Quit blaming him for your failure! It's your emotions and your responsibility to deal with those emotions that are the result of your own failure to perform a simple task. He expressed his displeasure in the way HE wanted to do so...... but that isn't good enough for you... you want him to express his displeasure your way so you can feel better. Maybe you should focus on doing the task properly and improve the way you feel about doing the task instead of putting the focus of getting him to fix your feelings.

Leatherist -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 5:37:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood I feel really guilty - and that I haven't been repremanded enough for my mistake. Is this normal? Quit blaming him for your failure! It's your emotions and your responsibility to deal with those emotions that are the result of your own failure to perform a simple task. He expressed his displeasure in the way HE wanted to do so...... but that isn't good enough for you... you want him to express his displeasure your way so you can feel better. Maybe you should focus on doing the task properly and improve the way you feel about doing the task instead of putting the focus of getting him to fix your feelings. Or in the shorthand of what I tell girls playing the same game with me..... Get the fuck over yourself and fix the problem-and the problem ain't ME.

Leatherist -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 5:39:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood It isn't my bath tub it's the first time i have bathed there. He has a slipped disc,and you oiled his tub? That has got to be the stupidist shit I've heard here to date.

Kirren -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/16/2008 6:26:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood I have never experienced corner time before so it could be that - it just didn't feel like punishment at all. Well your still upset 2 days later... seems pretty effective to my way of thinking. The whole point of punishment is NOT to be enjoiable. It's supposed to make you reflect upon your actions. So your dom has accomplished his goal very effecttive. BadOne I really cant believe I am saying this out loud and in a public forum...but in all honesty I have to agree with ole SB here... I mean...punishment should make you reflect and it should be something thats on your mind. Be glad that your with him and not Me....My girl recently told Me no and I wailed her ass with a paddle. I dont like the word no...and we have effectivly removed the words " I forgot" from her vocab. And it could be that corner time is a simple fix to the solution of his back or as a predecessor to physical punishment. Each Dom/me functions differently. Talking to him will help a great deal, the trick is to understand that his needs and concerns should be first in everything you do in that situation...IE...you knew it would take extra time to clean the tub....but you forgot....to say you forget something for your Dom, is to forget them, their needs or desires....and that doesnt show discipline, training or loyalty. Thats just My opinion tho.

MaamJay -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 2:29:29 AM)
Every Dom/me is different ... so is every sub. I feel a good Dom/me has a range of potential punishments that they would find acceptable ... the trick is then to work out which is really punishment for that particular sub. While I am generally in favour of corner time (and it works a treat on my sub side!) ... it doesn't seem to have been optimal in this case. However, I would also be retraining the sub away from expecting to be shouted at ... that isn't effective or appropriate. Lots of communication needed here to work out what this person would really consider to be punishment that would motivate them to change their behaviour. However, as regards the specific infractions ... a Dom/me is setting themselves up for a very hard time if they start punishing the sub for their lack of instruction and training! Clarification, correction and repeating the task until it is done correctly would have been far more appropriate. Putting things back in the wrong place would only be punished here if it became habitual. No point in setting up straw punishments, it becomes a major pain to monitor all the little things and then inflict the punishment. Keep punishment for the serious things! Re feeling ongoing guilt ... while I believe it is good for a sub to feel remorse and to express that ... it is equally important for the Dominant to express forgiveness and an ending to the punishment. Many new subs beat themselves up with ongoing guilt and that's not healthy for them, and it's also a big red flag to the Dominant that the event hasn't been appropriately dealt with and closure reached. A sub needs to remember that when they carry guilt and effectively punish themselves they are effectively topping from the bottom and doing the Dominant's job for them ... not appropriate! Once it's over, it's done with, move on and be ever more attentive! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Justme696 -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 7:06:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood I spent the best part of the week with my 'Daddy' I use the term loosley - he dosn't subscribe to labels and thats fine. I had 20 minutes of 'cornertime' while i was there as i put 4 things back in the wrong place in the bathroom (i got 2 minutes for each item put back wrong) I made a noise after i had been told to be quiet which i also got 2 minutes for. I recieved 10 minutes for not cleaning the bath out properly - I had cleaned it twice and simply forgot to do it again in the morning - no excuse. and he slipped in the bath and hurt his back (he already has a slipped disc). He didn't shout at me - but I was really upset all day and it is still getting to me 2 days later. I thought the 'cornertime' may have helped me but well it didn't appear to help me at all. I feel really guilty - and that I haven't been repremanded enough for my mistake. Is this normal? Decent punishments for not so bad things. Just to correct you, which is pretty decent. Although the sliding part....is not your fault..a bath is always tricky. And a Master should be able to get as one piece in the bath. (not sure if your Master is glad you told us this here)

MasterWilliam55 -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 7:42:15 AM)
Well put. Forgiveness is extremly important.

OmegaG -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 7:45:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taintedblood it isn't the corner time that bothers me - it really dosn't i think it's the fact that he didn't shout i would have rather been shouted at - all i got was i have just gone over in the bath and silence (he may have cried I'm not sure) then he was silent so i walked out of the bathroom and i felt isolated through my own fault for the rest of that day. I think this speaks volumes. He didn't get angry in a way you expected and therefore you don't know how to react. I am a person who likes to maintain control of my feelings, my kids have expereinced my self inflicted "time-outs" which means that I am so angry at the moment that I remove myself until I regain control. m'Lord has told me that his reaction is much the same, except he won't give himself a time-out, I will get corner time or some derivitive until he regains control. Since I am used to the dynamic I can understand it, but for someone who is used to yelling or more during times of extreme emotion and anger, it can be confusing. Much like the contriteness that my own kids display when they know they have pushed me to a time-out, I hope to never recieve this form of punishment from m'Lord as it will indicate to me serious displeasure.

Leatherist -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 7:45:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55 Well put. Forgiveness is extremly important. Or at least closure-that the matter is at an end. If you forgive too easily-it tends to knock the pins out from under discipline. People need to know they are being held accountable. They also need to know when they are wasting energy in negative thoughts that were not the prupose of the excercise-and to quit doing it and move on.

Leatherist -> RE: is this normal - 'corner time' and 'punishment' (3/18/2008 7:48:36 AM)
Oh ya, I react in the same ways-I hate popping off from having my buttons pushed. I'll pull back and think about the situation, and how I want to react to it for a while. And these times tend to be very tortuous for a sub-since I won't talk to them. And whatever happens is going to be from my mind-not thiers.

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