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RE: Financial Dependency - 3/15/2008 8:55:08 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane

My post was about financial dependency, not financial slavery. Being dependent in day to day life as long as relationship exists, even for life, is a totally different thing than total financial slavery. Any relationship should be based upon mutual desires, needs, and love. Things like dependency are simply variations which some will enjoy (me included), and some will not. No relationship should ever result in one personperhaps being forced to be totally unhappy on a continual basis, whether it's a slave relationship or not. It's a relationship, not a commercial transaction. Those who regard it as the latter are far different from anything I've ever envisioned.

Tavane

Let me put it this way. Money is power in a capitalist state. The one with the money makes the rules. Why do you think so many subs are stuck on NOT supporting a Dominant?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 21

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/15/2008 9:03:38 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane

My post was about financial dependency, not financial slavery. Being dependent in day to day life as long as relationship exists, even for life, is a totally different thing than total financial slavery. Any relationship should be based upon mutual desires, needs, and love. Things like dependency are simply variations which some will enjoy (me included), and some will not. No relationship should ever result in one personperhaps being forced to be totally unhappy on a continual basis, whether it's a slave relationship or not. It's a relationship, not a commercial transaction. Those who regard it as the latter are far different from anything I've ever envisioned.

Tavane

Okay, you got me there. I did say slavery. But still... think about what you are saying. Dependent. Loving... should... I think you are confusing me and maybe a few other situations. We all look at things differently, from different places.

What experience in your form of dependence do you have? You were asking for input and people gave you input based on how they perceived your words and their own experience or knowledge base. Dependence means to me... total... no way other than the person or situation you are dependent upon, in this type of situation. Think of it like this. Someone has a rape fantasy, they act it out... they still cannot know what it is really like to live through a rape. Same thing with financial dependence. If you are not totally dependent, and always have a back up plan... you are not really dependent are you?

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 22

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/15/2008 9:18:26 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

No relationship should ever result in one personperhaps being forced to be totally unhappy on a continual basis, whether it's a slave relationship or not.

See, that's where you're not getting it. Financial domination makes some people HAPPY!! No one "forced" them to do it. No one is "making" them stay in it. It was perviously agreed upon. The stakes were set. The trust factor was given. The fetish was divulged and clarified. It makes them HAPPY!! Both partites. He gave EVERYTHING, and she LOVES HIM for it. It's just the nature of the beast.

Personally, I don't need a slave's money and would NEVER allow myself to be in a position where I am dependent on him/her to meet my means and, inadvertently, turn the tables on the psychodynamcis. I don't NEED his money to survive. So it isn't about NEEDING his money. Financial Domination/dependence (whatever you want to call it) is a psychodynamic that some people get into.

And, there is no financial dependency if you aren't "dependent" on the other person for any monetary independence.
So, to me, there is no difference between financial dependence and financial domination.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 3/15/2008 9:21:54 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 23

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/15/2008 11:27:38 PM

DaintyDemure

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline

My Lady and I enjoy a strong femdom dynamic in our relationship and financial control is part of that. I trust her completely or else we couldnt have this relationship. I do work and my pay gets deposited into a joint account but then is automatically transferred to an account in her name only. She gives me just enough spending money for gas to and from work and a coffee each day. Other than this I have no access to money and am kept financially dependant on her. I entered this relationship with about 5000 dollars. I gave it to her as a slave dowry.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 24

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 1:27:01 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Tavane does make a point of insecurity. That is something that many people can feel at this day and age. In this situation there is no trust involve and the partners are just play partners. When you do meet the Mistress that can make you fill in the insecurity Tavane you will may have to revise your whole policy without the conditions imposed. i know how you feel coming from a broken vanilla marriage even if my ex wife didn't take advantage of me having all the power to do so by having on her name the accounts and asking her to keep them. She still gave me my share as a goodwill gesture. However other people have been hurt by break ups financially and emotionally and i can understand Tavane not having to lose something that he has worked hard for. my ex Mistress offer me such a life as to go over to the states and live with her and i would've had the chance to have my house leased out and frankly a stress free life living of Her. i would never do that as i would 've always help Her financially by getting a job and help Her in any other ways i could.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 25

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 1:48:20 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Oh god, here is yet another tavane thread with a distinct financial flavour.

I said I would not bother replying to you again, but the question begs to be asked. If finances are of so little importance, why do you continually post about the subject ???

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 26

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 2:49:53 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Oh god, here is yet another tavane thread with a distinct financial flavour.

I said I would not bother replying to you again, but the question begs to be asked. If finances are of so little importance, why do you continually post about the subject ???

It's also another thread about him serving under the exact conditions he wants, but who's counting, right?

< Message edited by LaMistressa -- 3/16/2008 2:50:57 AM >

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 27

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 2:59:19 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Bad boy tavane!!! You've done this again?? And you made me waste my electrons??

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 28

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 3:15:03 AM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

Tavane,
Fantasies are nice. They give you a nice start. But, and yes I threw in a but. Praticality comes in at some point, my friend. If you are going to throw financial into the mix of slavery, and you are seeking 'ownership' then it will eventually be a done deal. On some scope, it is a process, true, but they wont give a frog's fat butt what your fantasies are. Owned includes everything. Lock, stock and barrel. Your ideals dont have jack to do with it, by that point. You said yes wayyy back in the begining, should have already had that discussion. You happily serve. You know your best interest is at the heart of thier doings, so you shut up and smile about it. That is the cut and dry of it. There are a multitude of benefits. More than any of us can ever describe, but it is simple. By the time you turn over your financial assets, you better be sure of the trust you have in your owner. Because the rest of you is already SOL..hehe..

smooches
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 29

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 3:22:24 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

My Lady and I enjoy a strong femdom dynamic in our relationship and financial control is part of that. I trust her completely or else we couldnt have this relationship.

Please tell us how long you have been together, if you are happy, and if your Mistress is happy. Also, could you please give the OP an idea of WHY you enjoy this dynamic, first hand. Does it make you feel "truly" owned? Does it objectify you in a sense?

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to DaintyDemure)

Post #: 30

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 6:28:36 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Tavane,

My dear... doesn't a lot of what people are telling you here sound familiar? I happen to belong to Clubfem and trust me, if you become active there, you will see the same type of responses.

There are so many things that you want to see happen and it does seem like total fantasy. Eventually I think you will find someone that will "win" you over and you will begin to see that no one gets all they desire in any relationship, although we can work at making it what we, in our fantasy way of thinking, want it to be.

You really need to ease up, relax, and let things flow and LISTEN.

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 31

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 11:34:10 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like slavery with a pre-nup. The OP is smart to make the slavery income based as opposed to asset based.

The million dollar question is, how fast would this get old for you?

You don't really identify what you need out of the M/S relationship -- and if you don't get that --- what incentive do you have to stay in it?

As for all the semantical analysis and wrangling over being "totally dependent;" there is no "total" anything in freely negotiated relationships. What there is what two people make happen.

The OP wants to negotiate financial dependency in a framework that is suitable for him, and its a perfectly valid goal.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/16/2008 11:56:45 AM >

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 32

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 11:45:28 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Yes, you are being nit-picked to death.

The thrust of your posts is that a lot is going in the Domme's direction from you, and the thrust of the criticism against you is that "its not enough."

Freakin comical!!!

A better approach in trying to build a rapport with a Domme might be to leave money out of the equation until you find a compatible match. After that you can use your icing on the cake approach.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/16/2008 11:49:08 AM >

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 33

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 2:23:18 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

So... you'd have your own money, but you would "depend" on your Domme to feed, clothe and shelter you. She would be expected to give you a scene whenever you felt like it? In the meantime you give nothing monitarily to the relationship?

Tell me, how does that make you differ from an unemployed guitar player mooching off his girlfriend, and sleeping on her couch for months on end?

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 34

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 3:31:43 PM

Tavane

Posts: 131
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for all the responses. I find them quite interesting. I am not speaking for anyone except myself, and keep in mind that I am very new to this, and the only submissive experiences I've ever had were with a female friend who would let me do her laundry, nails, and massage her feet, while I was wearing a dress. Fantasy is all I have, so I put it out there, so people can examine it and give me input as to what the real world is like, and of course no one knows what the real world is like, except that tiny part of the real world which (s)he has personally experienced, so I do find that lots of responses do provide a broader range of information, so I can examine them and learn, and I've learned a great deal, thanks to all the sharing of information. I'm not interested in being chastised as claiming to speak for anyone, nor for my fantasies, or being so interested in "me", since I made it clear that I am discussing desires and fantasies, in most respects, so "me" is all I know, currently. Infinite types of people exist, and two people should do works best for them, and what works best for them might change dramatically as their relationship continues. Relationships are dynamic. I appreciate all the information.

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 35

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 4:57:45 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

So... you'd have your own money, but you would "depend" on your Domme to feed, clothe and shelter you. She would be expected to give you a scene whenever you felt like it? In the meantime you give nothing monitarily to the relationship?

Tell me, how does that make you differ from an unemployed guitar player mooching off his girlfriend, and sleeping on her couch for months on end?

BRAVO!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 36

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 5:08:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

So... you'd have your own money, but you would "depend" on your Domme to feed, clothe and shelter you. She would be expected to give you a scene whenever you felt like it? In the meantime you give nothing monitarily to the relationship?

Tell me, how does that make you differ from an unemployed guitar player mooching off his girlfriend, and sleeping on her couch for months on end?

Give me the guitar player, at least I get some music out of the deal!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 37

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 5:22:16 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

[quoteI'm not interested in being chastised as claiming to speak for anyone, nor for my fantasies, or being so interested in "me", since I made it clear that I am discussing desires and fantasies, in most respects, so "me" is all I know, currently. Infinite types of people exist, and two people should do works best for them, and what works best for them might change dramatically as their relationship continues. Relationships are dynamic. I appreciate all the information. ][/quote]

I don't think anyone's interested in chastising you either. Just for the sake of chastising. But, when you ask a question, please respect the anwers and not chastise that there might be facets of bdsm realtionship dynamics that don't fit into your comprehension.....*yet.*
I think your statement quoted above is quite indicative of someone who is willing to explore, given the right circumstances, and trustful relationship.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 38

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 5:23:16 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

So... you'd have your own money, but you would "depend" on your Domme to feed, clothe and shelter you. She would be expected to give you a scene whenever you felt like it? In the meantime you give nothing monitarily to the relationship?

Tell me, how does that make you differ from an unemployed guitar player mooching off his girlfriend, and sleeping on her couch for months on end?

Give me the guitar player, at least I get some music out of the deal!

I can play the radio. Does that count?

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 39

RE: Financial Dependency - 3/16/2008 5:26:35 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Once in the past, I actually found myself in a similar situation where I was owned and financially dependent upon my mistress, and she seemed to like it that way. She was a pro domme and doing quite well, and she moved me into her house (the one where she and the other women did sessions).

It never really worked because no matter how much we both seemed to like this arrangement, I ALWAYS felt like I was mooching off her. I was never comfortable with it, and then I started to feel that something had to be seriously wrong. In the end, we parted ways for numerous reasons, but that happened to be one of them.

I don't think I could ever do that again, although I would have no problem turning over my finances to my owner/partner/or if she's both.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 40

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