Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (Full Version)

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Tigrita -> Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 5:47:05 PM)

I recently attended a workshop on erotic humiliation.  Obviously this can be very hot sometimes, but can also cross the line and be destructive.  There was an excellent worksheet provided to help understand yourself/your partner and how to know where to draw the lines.  Something that came to mind later when I was thinking about the worksheet is the 'set up to fail' scenario (though it wasn't addressed in the workshop).  Some people love this, but it is very dificult on me, because being a failure or letting people down are a couple of my deepest fears.  I'm having trouble grasping the appeal and, well, I don't like failing to understand something ;) so I was just hoping some people could chime in with positive experiences and insights into this, to satisfy my sociological curiosity and broaden my mind.



mbes -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 5:56:58 PM)

I can see how it would be a positive experience to be set up to fail so that someone could see that it doesn't make them unacceptable personally, for those who have a fear of failure.
He sets me up to fail, I fail, and he accepts me anyway. Good thing to know.



Taintedblood -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 6:02:32 PM)

I too would be interested to learn of positive and fulfilling experiences of being set up to fail - as for me I would hate failing and think i should try and change my mind set



StormsSlave -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 7:03:55 PM)

I thought I would hate this, as well.  I had read a thread on this, but had not experienced it myself.  When My Lord used this technique I found it to be incredibly erotic.  He made it perfectly clear that he was expecting me to fail; actually, happily anticipating exactly that.  Then he proceeded to make me prove him right.  [:D]  It was exquisite torture, and mutually satisfying.  I wouldn't want it to be an every day thing, but it was a winner for us!

I think that I've reached a point of exploration where I'm pretty much open to trying almost anything new, and pass judgement on it afterward.  I say, don't knock it until you try it!



SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 7:32:29 PM)

There was another thread which I made several heated responses to about this topic

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1608100/mpage_1/tm.htm



julia



Leatherist -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 7:38:57 PM)

Ok,so I am in a squirrely mood and tell the girl,"Go out and save the world-you have five minutes."
 
 She sits there and gives me a blank stare for five minutes.
 
 "Ok, no save?-I guess I'll have to spank you then."
 
 [;)]



Tigrita -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 8:22:39 PM)

I'm still confused.  Why do you need such an excuse to wail on your girl?

Thanks for the input girls.  I can sort of see how it might help someone get over a fear of failure.  Seems it would have to be done very carfully though.  And thanks for linking to the other thread julia.





Leatherist -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 8:27:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

I'm still confused.  Why do you need such an excuse to wail on your girl?

Thanks for the input girls.  I can sort of see how it might help someone get over a fear of failure.  Seems it would have to be done very carfully though.  And thanks for linking to the other thread julia.





It's not an excuse if the premise is so absurd as to be that obvious. Some people just take thier submission far too seriously. Lighten up-it's not the end of the world if you don't win the game every freaking time.



MontrealPhoenix -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 8:32:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Ok,so I am in a squirrely mood and tell the girl,"Go out and save the world-you have five minutes."
 
 She sits there and gives me a blank stare for five minutes.
 
 "Ok, no save?-I guess I'll have to spank you then."
 
 [;)]

So this looks like a win/win situation to me...besides saving the world only takes 30 seconds and i can prove it....shoot Bush..world saved.

Phoenix



StormsSlave -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 9:14:56 PM)

Wailing on his girl?  Oh, no...discipline at the hands of My Lord is much more creative than that.  [;)]  I think, in that case, we never quite made it to the discipline part, anyway.  Not that night, anway.

Cheers.



SteelofUtah -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/15/2008 10:29:22 PM)

Setting one up to fail is not always so that one can punish them. I VERY RARELY do things like this but I am reminded of a girl who often told me what she was unable to do.

Several times "I'm not good at....." or "I just can't..." or a myriad of other things.

I remember once asking her to alphabetize all my books by the time I got home or she would spend the evening in front of the bay window nude for the neighbors to see, This was especially hard for her because she hates exhibitionism. All of them were on the floor and I left not telling her when I would be back. At the time I was still smoking so I went to the corner store and got a pack of Kamels and went back and sat on my patio and watched unnoticed by her as she frantically went to the duty.

By the time I finished my 3rd smoke she was nearly a quarter of the way through (I don't have Lots of books but still this was actually an incredable task.) So I walked around to the front door and came inside and she Burst into tears.

I didn't amke her stand nude in front of the bay window, instead I pointed out how incredable she was at alphabetizing and how I had watched her for about an hour from the patio.

She asked me why I set her up to fail, and I remember thinking how odd it was that she woudl say that when I said, I didn't I showed you exactly what you are capable of when you are motivated properly.

The relationship ended alas, but It was interesting to watch a girl who thought she couldn't do anything do some seriously amazing things.

As Always

Steel



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 12:06:02 AM)

I think it can be an especially good lesson to teach all those perfectinoist control freak slaves out there that sometimes it doesn't matter how hard they try and how sincere their intentions are, things will get fucked up and they need to handle that appropriately and not fall apart or spend tons of useless energy berating themselves.  They need to learn that things can be fucked up and still end up ok and that they will be fine on the other end.

That's a lesson I had to really teach myself and still occasionally need reminders of.

But I think it's best if everyone KNOWS from the outset that the intention is to fail.  The lesson can be learned just as deeply so nothing gets taken away with prior knowledge and you take away a lot of the potential for unnecessary pain and distrust.

I happen to enjoy this as a kinky way to play also, but again, only if everyone knows ahead of time.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1608100/mpage_1/key_fail/tm.htm#1608384
Set up to fail



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 8:20:21 AM)

I saw this old movie i love it  It is a old harold loyd film.  in the he went to hollywood and was going to be a actor. met this contessa who turned out to be another actor who played him. because he thought he was just to perfect for anything. everything went bad for this person it was funny all to often happens. but in the end he got the girl and the contract



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 8:47:21 AM)

In real-life, important situations, I would never set anyone up to fail.  In the short term, for a minor task, it can be great.  For a scene, where the person knows they will never do the task, or might allllmost manage.....big fun!

(we ARE supposed to be having fun, right?)



HerLord -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 8:52:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

(we ARE supposed to be having fun, right?)


Good to see that no matter the method used, the intent is remembered. Sex and life, IMFO, can only be lived in the name of fun.



Daddyslilpookie -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 9:18:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

(we ARE supposed to be having fun, right?)


Good to see that no matter the method used, the intent is remembered. Sex and life, IMFO, can only be lived in the name of fun.


If isn't fun why do it?....well just because Master says to do it



HerLord -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 9:32:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

If isn't fun why do it?....well just because Master says to do it


Well devoted. This respected, might I inquire, if your master did not make your participation fun, how long would you stay with your master?



Daddyslilpookie -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 10:04:34 AM)

Well he does make it fun when he can, we are married with children so play time is scarce but I cherish it when it happens.



HerLord -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 10:16:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

Well he does make it fun when he can, we are married with children so play time is scarce but I cherish it when it happens.

As is my point. I am glad for you. It is our responsibility as providers to design an environment for all. Only designs that meet the needs of all involved succeed.



kallisto -> RE: Set up to fail... positive/fulfilling experiences? (3/16/2008 10:22:21 AM)

A very good friend of mine once told me that there should not be the phrase "I can't".   He told me that I may fail at reaching the end result, but I should always be willing to try to get there.   That has stuck in my head my entire life.   I've been setup to fail and I knew I would (and I don't like that), but I've never uttered "I can't". 



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