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For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 6:29:58 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Yes, I'm searching for a new slave.
I am pansexual in the sense that I can become sexually excited by all, and enjoy Dominating all. However, after several differnt types of slaves, I perfer male or female (born) for my 24/7s. I usually have to choose "bi" due to limited choices on profiles.
However, due to social conditiongs and limited female relationships, I think I lean towards the m/slaves out of habit. I have humorously coined this "hetero with the option to bi."
And since I have begun a new "active" search for a m/slave, my tolerance has grown tired of the "male ego" and it's constant need to be quelched, or placated, in some way. Even for the most "sincere" m/slaves (best described as having the attributes of a slave's heart, as I desire it) I've engaged with, at some point (usually many points), they have to rear that "male ego" and, even though I'm the Mistress, I have to deal with it, recognize it, and placate it in some, way, shape, or patronizing form (*snicker*).

I've been weighing the pros and cons of the m vs f slaves I've had, (I've only had 1 fem/slave) and I have to tell you, looking back, she was probabaly the "best" slave I have ever had, versus the males (plural). And, if other issues hadn't gotten in the way, I would have kept her forever. Sexual excitement isn't an issue for me with females. No sirreeeee. I think I just act more out of "comfort zone" and "habit" to lean towards the men.

I shared this thought with another Mistress, today, who has had both genders for slaves, as well, and she said, "Geesh, you know, I think I agree with that!!" And, she shared her experiences, which seemed very similar.

I am considering revising my profile to seek either/or.

So, to all you bi, or pan, Mistresses out there. What are your thoughts on this? Do you find this to be true in your experiences? For you male slaves/subs, do you think you can relate to this particular obervation I am having regarding the male ego? (BTW, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Just an observation. However, it's getting tiresome, to me.)
For the fem/slaves subs, do you think there is something in the female dna that predisposes a woman (no, not always, in general) to be able to surrender with more ease? And, for anyone else, please share your thoughts.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

Post #: 1

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 6:44:30 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am bisexual, but I have never owned a female slave. I have had 1 male slave and 2 male subs over the years. Awhile back I started interviewing for a femsub and found that they immediately jumped to the conclusion they would be the "alpha" slave just because they were the female. That wouldn't hold true with me, I've had him 4 years and he is the alpha sub no matter who follows there after. The other problem I had was the females claiming they could take more pain and they felt females were just better slaves overall. After hearing that I withdrew from looking for a femsub. One thing I don't need in my relationship is drama and jealousy.

I am sure that not all femsubs/slaves are like that but it just struck me as odd that 3 different women acted the same way. So I gave up, at least for now.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 2

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 6:44:34 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
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This sounds like thinking out loud, but it also seems you have figured it out. Why not get a kitten AND a puppy? Word is they get along if you get them when they're both little.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 3

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 6:44:58 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

I dunno, the idea of "male ego" is better described as just "ego". We all have it, and it needs to be supplicated at least once in a while. We like to build ourselves up and feel good about ourselves. It might manifest in slightly different ways across gender lines, but doesn't change that most normal human beings will have egotistical moments in one form or another.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 4

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 7:08:38 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

Why not get a kitten AND a puppy? Word is they get along if you get them when they're both little.

I've had that. And it was GREAT!! I was in HEAVEN. When I had my fem/slave I also took on a male/slave shortly thereafter. However, she was 24/7 live-in and he was not. But, he might as well have been. Was here most of the time.

I had so much fun with that situation. They did form a sibling bond in many ways, helping each other get through certain struggles and some bouts of sibling rivalry. Which, when used against them, at times, was quite fun. *chuckle* A good time was had by all. For a while, anyway.

Hence, considerng a change in profile to seek either/or.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 5

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 7:12:57 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

One thing I don't need in my relationship is drama and jealousy.

Oh, I agree!! I just seem to get more of it from the men. So far. But, I have dealt mostly with men. So my research criteria is not a good one. Hence, my asking for other's experiences in this thread. Thanks for you input.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 6

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 7:16:43 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

the idea of "male ego" is better described as just "ego". We all have it, and it needs to be supplicated at least once in a while.

While I can agree to in a certain extent, I am convinced there is a very distinct difference in the male ego, versus the female ego.
Unless your dealing with a very Dominant female..*chuckle* Then it can often look very similar.
The latino's even go so far as to coin it separately as a gender...."machismo."
Otherwise known as "macho." And, I'm sure you're familiar with that.
Yes, we all have ego's. But I seem to think there is a difference with which the genders apply them, and how prominant the "ID" is in the different genders. Mind you, I AM generalizing here.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 3/15/2008 7:17:37 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 7

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 7:33:42 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

to some people...i am the best of both worlds...perfect for a bi.....but those are the people who watch too much porno!

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(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 8

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 7:39:55 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I think quite the opposite actually. Of the slaves I have had over the years, I have gotten far better service from the males than the females. My females have gotten catty when I have had more than one at a time (male or female additions have gotten them up in arms) and they have often thought entirely too much of themselves in the proverbial food chain. I even had one that went as far as believeing that she was dominant to my male slaves that I had at the same time, simply becasue she was also female and therefore superior. NOT a thought process I share.
Fox, Angel and several of my other recent pets have served far better. Of course, I did run into a few boys with ego issues, but thats to be expected when dealing with people each with individual personalities. I just dont see an egotistical person to be a good fit and I move on quickly.
Thankfully, With my current 2 I have no jealousy issues, no ego issues and very few problems in general in service aside from schedule problems. I prefer males to females simply because in my experience, the males have been better servants with fewer emotional issues and were less likely to become jealous and randomly egocentric and possessive. But, of course, that could just be me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/15/2008 10:29:54 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Well gee, FTM, I don't think I fit that "too much porno" profile, and I definitely find you attractive! (But it was my understanding that you had a preference for girls.)

Wait a minute.. is watching porno three times a week too much porno? (We might have a difference in definition...)

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 10

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 1:32:11 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I am bisexual, but I have never owned a female slave. I have had 1 male slave and 2 male subs over the years. Awhile back I started interviewing for a femsub and found that they immediately jumped to the conclusion they would be the "alpha" slave just because they were the female. That wouldn't hold true with me, I've had him 4 years and he is the alpha sub no matter who follows there after. The other problem I had was the females claiming they could take more pain and they felt females were just better slaves overall. After hearing that I withdrew from looking for a femsub. One thing I don't need in my relationship is drama and jealousy.

I am sure that not all femsubs/slaves are like that but it just struck me as odd that 3 different women acted the same way. So I gave up, at least for now.

~Lashra

I can't say it's the same for everyone, but my experience with female subs has been very similar to yours, Lashra. I've had some great play partners and friends, but nothing but drama and misunderstanding when it comes to long-term service or relationships.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 11

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 1:54:10 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

We've never had or wanted a femsub. We are basically only attracted to males, other than each other. However, I have to put in that most of the poly relationships we've observed/heard about with a female Dominant have had the same experience as Lashra, Diurnal, and LaMistressa have described - that the females caused the drama and/or thought they were above any males. They tend to be the more jealous ones, causing fights between the pyl's, lying to the Domme about the other pyl's, thinking that they are superior to the other pyl's, etc.

**for those who don't know, "pyl" = pick your lable ... when in lower case, is a bottom/sub/slave

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 12

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 9:02:32 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

most of the poly relationships we've observed/heard about with a female Dominant

Well, here's the thing, I'm not necessarily speaking about a poly household. I'm speaking more in terms of a 1:1 relationship.
Domme and m/slave or Domme and f/slave.
This would remove the factor of jealousy or Alpha drama.
That is more the situation I am seeking experiences of.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 13

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 10:35:02 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

But even if you had someone coming in for play once in awhile or scened with someone from time to time - those same issues seem to pop up in those relationships that our friends/aquaintances have had. Just saying ...

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 14

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 10:42:06 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have the same experience with one on one relationships, with the jealousy and drama. I have a lot of friends, and I am a social butterfly in and out of the lifestyle. I do not like having my partner glued to my hip when I am going out with my friends necessarily. I stay friends with exs often, when situations break up good relationship rather then the relationships going bad. I have equal number of male and female friends and tend to be very close and affectionate with all of them. When I had a one on one relationship with a girl, more often than not they were terribly jealous when I wanted to go out with my friends without her. I would get anything from the "are you cheating" to the "you just dont live me anymore" drama just becasue I wanted to go out with a group of friends without her. Mind you these are all usually friends that predated her and the whole group is partnered but ging out without the partners for a day away. I also noticed that with comfort in a relationship, my girls have become less submissive and more desiring an equal position where my boys have ben able to remain submissive and romantically involved.
I prefer and tend toward poly type relationships, but the occasional one on one has been known to exist.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 15

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 1:56:07 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

I guess I'd be classified under "pansexual" as well. While I've had male and female S.O.'s in vanilla relationships, I've only ever dominated men.

I think it's the thrill that I get from breaking through those traditional gender roles in society where the female is supposed to submit and the male is supposed to dominate. It's hard to completely break away from thinking of that as "normal" when it's been hammered into your brain over and over again since you were little, but hey, I'd like to think that just by standing up and saying "Ummm... but I want to be the dominant one" I've done my part to break it apart at least a little bit. I know, I know -- Rebel Girl, Rebel Girl, Rebel Girl you are the queen of my world, etc.

I do have a big white-knight complex when it comes to women, though. I was always something of a protector in my relationship with other women, doing everything I could to keep them safe from harm and seeing them as NEEDING my protection. I have no idea what that's all about, other than wondering if I'm the reincarnation of Sir Galahad or what.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 16

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 2:57:22 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

I do have a big white-knight complex when it comes to women, though. I was always something of a protector in my relationship with other women, doing everything I could to keep them safe from harm and seeing them as NEEDING my protection. I have no idea what that's all about, other than wondering if I'm the reincarnation of Sir Galahad or what.

You know, it's strange, but I do that with ALL my slaves. Very protective.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 17

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 3:17:03 PM

Tavane

Posts: 131
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

Being a male, I do have a male ego. However, being transgendered and submissive, that ego would mean nothing in a mistress/slave relationship. I would find pleasure in discarding it forever, and would find that a natural and attractive part of becoming a woman's slave. I can be as aggressive and assertive as she desires in vanilla society, but would have no interest in any such behaviors with her.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 18

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 3:34:36 PM

NovelApproach

Posts: 150
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline

Just another bi mistress chiming in. I don't really take on female subs for the same reason that I don't date vanilla girls -- too much drama. I think the kinds of emotional issues girls bring to the table and the way they deal with them is different from the ones boys have, and generally speaking, boy drama is easier for me to deal with.

I concede that in general, female subs seem to have a higher pain threshold, are more willing to serve, and are more willing to follow degrading orders, but when paired with a male sub, especially under a domina, they tend to feel superior for it, and that just won't do. Kitty and I had a female playmate for a while, and we all got along fine, but that was because she was a switch with a definite and agreed-upon place in the hierarchy of our household. If I ever took a female sub, it would be for Kitty's sake, so I'd want someone that would be willing to make both he and I feel good, both physically and emotionally.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 19

RE: For Bi Mistresses: F vs M slave - 3/16/2008 5:30:10 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Again, as stated earlier, this was not meant to compare in a poly situation. But, rather, an eithor/or situation.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to NovelApproach)

Post #: 20

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